Work & leave 13yr olds home all day?

LSA · 2024-02-17T09:41:07+00:00

Hi, I’ve got the chance to change my role at work swapping from 2 long days a week to 4 shorter days. Currently as it’s only 2days DH plans to be home for 13 year old twins on those days can work from home or be off. If I swap to 4 days it will be 8.30-16.30, not an issue for school days as would be an hour on their own but in holidays would be left alone all day as DH can’t guarantee working from home for 4 days a week. What do others do? They are fairly sensible but would probably end up all day in devices. They are only just starting to go out with friends but are quite cautious about it and rely on me spending time and organising stuff for them in holidays. No holiday clubs seem to take them at this age. They have gym memberships and go swimming but would only pass an hour or so of the day Any comments on how best to make this work or are they too young to be left for 8hrs a day??

itsgettingweird · 17/02/2024 09:46

It's quite normal for children this age to stay at home alone during school holidays of parents are working.

And yes - quite normal to be on devices during that time.

They may well start going out more and more and you'd be at home and them not!

If those hours work better for you and your dh will WFH 1 or 2 of those days (and they get on well enough not to risk them killing each other in your absense!) I'd go for it without another though.

suafa · 17/02/2024 09:47

2 days a week during school holidays is 26 days a year. With your annual leave it will likely be less than this. Your partner could also take a couple of days leave.

At 13 I wouldn't worry about the odd day on their own

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 17/02/2024 09:56

Definitely not too young, leave them to it. They are likely to get better at organising their own social lives, and it's not the end of the world to spend the day on devices.

PuttingDownRoots · 17/02/2024 09:58

My 12yo is frequently home alone for 5/6hrs on Sundays. Its preferable to watching her sibling play rugby.

They will have each other. I presume they can meet friends. And the odd day for devices isn't that bad... what do they do when their dad is wfh anyway?

SavBlancTonight · 17/02/2024 10:13

I wouldn't bat an eyelid. And it might actually encourage them to make more effort to get out and about rather than relying in you.

Re camps, just a note that it's worth looking into.activity camps. They tend to be done by local clubs linked to those, and are not true childcare in that the hours aren't as convenient and they only tend to run for part of the holiday - they are also.often filled with slightly older children. My children love attending the ones linked to their hobbies. Eg ds might go to a football or basketball camp for a few days or dd will go to a dance or art camp.

goingdownfighting · 17/02/2024 10:15

Can you take half days on the days your DH can't cover? I'd go for it. There are always teen holiday clubs and things if needs be.

K0OLA1D · 17/02/2024 10:17

We left 12yo and 10yo DSs on Monday for a few hours while we were at work. The difference is my mum lives practically next door.

It's what you and your DC are comfortable with and how sensible they are. I see nothing wrong with 13yos at home while you work

Droppit · 17/02/2024 10:19

Crikey your 2 long days must be very long.
<Misses point of thread>

fishfingersandtoes · 17/02/2024 10:20

Mine gets left, we don't really have any choice over it. I encourage her to make plans with friends or get on with homework.

CHRIS003 · 17/02/2024 10:37

No wonder there is so much in the news now about the influence of social media on young minds if some of the posters here are example of today's parenting.
Happy to advice OP thar it is perfectly OK to leave their young teens at home on their devices all day. So many high profile cases in the news now about the damage unregulated use of social media by younger teens. Where is the point in campaigns to highlight the potential harm of spending hours alone with social media if parents are happy for their kids to stay home on their phones all day ?

K0OLA1D · 17/02/2024 10:41

CHRIS003 · 17/02/2024 10:37

No wonder there is so much in the news now about the influence of social media on young minds if some of the posters here are example of today's parenting.
Happy to advice OP thar it is perfectly OK to leave their young teens at home on their devices all day. So many high profile cases in the news now about the damage unregulated use of social media by younger teens. Where is the point in campaigns to highlight the potential harm of spending hours alone with social media if parents are happy for their kids to stay home on their phones all day ?

Mine built a really impressive Minecraft village together, did their homework, hoovered the downstairs, put their clothes away and watched episodes of the Simpsons. It was 1 day. Shoot me.

Mumof1andacat · 17/02/2024 11:05

Young teens have been left at home in the holidays for many years. There are no holiday clubs for years 7 and upwards. Just because they ate on devices, doesn't mean its social media. Parents can regulate and block the use.

itsgettingweird · 17/02/2024 11:25

CHRIS003 · 17/02/2024 10:37

No wonder there is so much in the news now about the influence of social media on young minds if some of the posters here are example of today's parenting.
Happy to advice OP thar it is perfectly OK to leave their young teens at home on their devices all day. So many high profile cases in the news now about the damage unregulated use of social media by younger teens. Where is the point in campaigns to highlight the potential harm of spending hours alone with social media if parents are happy for their kids to stay home on their phones all day ?

Easy.

You put parental controls on so they can't access the stuff they shouldn't be accessing.

You don't keep your 13yo by your side 24/7 to prevent something they could access anywhere anytime anyway.

Angienotangel · 17/02/2024 11:32

Its your judgement call on the maturity of your own kids, but I think it sounds reasonable and it won't be nearly so black and white as you imagine. You and your husband both get holidays, so if you think about the 6 week summer holiday, maybe 2 or 3 weeks are covered anyway. With working from home, other friends and family, its quite possible that they end up with maybe only one or two days odd days at home alone in a week of school holidays. And you are home at 4.30 on a normal day, so time to do something in the evening.
Your kids are growing up fast, by 14 they may not want to see you all day even if you are home. It depends on the child, but I wouldn't have hesitated to leave my child at 13 when they were home for the odd day or two alone. They are now 14 + one of their friends, the mum tries to make arrangements mum-to-mum whenever their kid is going to be home alone for a whole day. To be honest, all us other mum's think they are over the top trying to arrange play dates. At 14 our kids want to make their own arrangements.
Why don't you have a proper think through what the Easter holidays might look like and maybe the summer and discuss with the whole family?

purplejeanie · 17/02/2024 11:32

Mumof1andacat · 17/02/2024 11:05

Young teens have been left at home in the holidays for many years. There are no holiday clubs for years 7 and upwards. Just because they ate on devices, doesn't mean its social media. Parents can regulate and block the use.

There are clubs for year 7 and upwards (maybe more likely be to in cities). They are normally more specialist clubs such as in sport, chess, DT rather than just play camps.

CHRIS003 · 17/02/2024 12:24

I guess I am out of date now with parenting - my kids are now in their twenties
Of course I understand that parental controls are in place on devices and all kids are different- all parents are different - certainly OK to leave a 15 Yr old for instance- my comment was more directed at parents of 12yr old and younger who are alone in the house but that's OK cos a relative lives nearby or the 12 Yr old left for part of the day because her brother is playing rugby - it just seems that the could be alternative arrangements that could be made so these children are not left alone ?it does seem a bit of a lonely life for them. If grandmother lives nearby then why doesn't she have them round to hers or take them out somewhere.
Surely there is another option for the 12 year old sat alone at home while parent is at a sports event with other child. While I am sure most kids are sensible - most won't come to any harm but surely they would be better off being with family or friends rather than sitting on their devices alone ? Just wondering why parents are choosing to leave their kids home alone. It seems like a lonely existence and may iin some kids lead to anxiety and isolation.
I agree children have been left
for years due to parents working etc there is no problem with this. What I am saying is there is a world of difference between leaving your 13 Yr old for an hour or two till you get home from work - than leaving your 10-12 Yr old along for 6 hours when you could make alternative arrangements so they are not spending all that time on their own.

determinedtomakethiswork · 17/02/2024 12:43

The only thing that would stop me allowing that is if the kids didn't get on well and fought. mine used to sleep until midday at that age, come down and make breakfast, go out with their friends for a few hours and then come back and watch a movie or go online.

K0OLA1D · 17/02/2024 12:44

CHRIS003 · 17/02/2024 12:24

I guess I am out of date now with parenting - my kids are now in their twenties
Of course I understand that parental controls are in place on devices and all kids are different- all parents are different - certainly OK to leave a 15 Yr old for instance- my comment was more directed at parents of 12yr old and younger who are alone in the house but that's OK cos a relative lives nearby or the 12 Yr old left for part of the day because her brother is playing rugby - it just seems that the could be alternative arrangements that could be made so these children are not left alone ?it does seem a bit of a lonely life for them. If grandmother lives nearby then why doesn't she have them round to hers or take them out somewhere.
Surely there is another option for the 12 year old sat alone at home while parent is at a sports event with other child. While I am sure most kids are sensible - most won't come to any harm but surely they would be better off being with family or friends rather than sitting on their devices alone ? Just wondering why parents are choosing to leave their kids home alone. It seems like a lonely existence and may iin some kids lead to anxiety and isolation.
I agree children have been left
for years due to parents working etc there is no problem with this. What I am saying is there is a world of difference between leaving your 13 Yr old for an hour or two till you get home from work - than leaving your 10-12 Yr old along for 6 hours when you could make alternative arrangements so they are not spending all that time on their own.

Because they didn't want to. They had the option.

Original poster

LSA · 17/02/2024 12:48

CHRIS003 · 17/02/2024 12:24

I guess I am out of date now with parenting - my kids are now in their twenties
Of course I understand that parental controls are in place on devices and all kids are different- all parents are different - certainly OK to leave a 15 Yr old for instance- my comment was more directed at parents of 12yr old and younger who are alone in the house but that's OK cos a relative lives nearby or the 12 Yr old left for part of the day because her brother is playing rugby - it just seems that the could be alternative arrangements that could be made so these children are not left alone ?it does seem a bit of a lonely life for them. If grandmother lives nearby then why doesn't she have them round to hers or take them out somewhere.
Surely there is another option for the 12 year old sat alone at home while parent is at a sports event with other child. While I am sure most kids are sensible - most won't come to any harm but surely they would be better off being with family or friends rather than sitting on their devices alone ? Just wondering why parents are choosing to leave their kids home alone. It seems like a lonely existence and may iin some kids lead to anxiety and isolation.
I agree children have been left
for years due to parents working etc there is no problem with this. What I am saying is there is a world of difference between leaving your 13 Yr old for an hour or two till you get home from work - than leaving your 10-12 Yr old along for 6 hours when you could make alternative arrangements so they are not spending all that time on their own.

So many variables in people’s lives. Unfortunately relatives are not an option for us and probably many others as my mum passed away suddenly 18months ago and she was always my go to for help previously, my MIL is not fit enough. As others have said devices can be managed and are a staple of todays society and kids need to be taught how to use responsibly, avoiding them or banning them is not the answer I don’t think but there will always be differing opinion on device management.

OP posts:

Original poster

LSA · 17/02/2024 12:54

Thanks for all the responses. I think I am overthinking it! I actually think it will be good for our family and give the boys more responsibility and encourage some independence for them 😊

OP posts:

K0OLA1D · 17/02/2024 13:00

LSA · 17/02/2024 12:54

Thanks for all the responses. I think I am overthinking it! I actually think it will be good for our family and give the boys more responsibility and encourage some independence for them 😊

Leave them a list of things they need to do before you come home. That's what we do. They learn how to manage their time then, in order to do what they want and be responsible enough to do a few tasks for you.

Mine don't cook, but they prepare themselves sandwiches or crackers etc and they do the dishes after themselves. Hoover round, bit of dusting etc. They also play butler to our cats. DS 12 text me telling me he thinks we need new back door hinges as he opened it so many times to let our cats in and out

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 17/02/2024 13:07

Agree with leaving them a list of jobs to do. I'm always leaving DS a list of little things- change bed sheets, pop to the shop for bread, unload and reload the dishwasher, clean up after he's had breakfast/lunch.