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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Suicidal son

28 replies

WAStyedye · 23/03/2008 11:40

He is 17,and deeply troubled,will not see a counsellor or the GP.Ive got him some books which would help,but hes so sneering of my efforts,im so worried for him,he hates the world.Hes a talented artist and musician,and tormented by memories of the emotional abuse and intimidation he suffered at the hands of his stepfather who l left last year.He has admitted to feeling suicidal,i dont know what do to help him!

OP posts:

tiredemma · 23/03/2008 11:52

How suicidal?- a fleeting thought or commenting on it constantly?

themoon66 · 23/03/2008 11:58

Is he at school or college? Perhaps they have a counsellor type person there he could speak with.

Does he have close friends or a girlfriend he could spend some time with?

Teenage is a horrible age. I remember having similar thoughts around age 17

KerryMum · 23/03/2008 11:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

frumpygrumpy · 23/03/2008 12:00

I don't have any pearls of wisdom really but I wanted to post.

I reckon you have to stay strong in the face of it and know that, even if he sneers, you will be getting through on some level. He can take or leave your advice but for him to feel you gave up trying would be worse. Keep loving him. He needs to know that however awful he feels and is being, he is still worth loving.

Remember that feeling suicidal and being suicidal are different. I'm glad he feels he can tell you that.

I had two colicky babies and I would read up on colic desperate to find the answer. From one book the words that always stuck in my mind, as I paced the floor and felt shit because I could not comfort my baby, and that the world was closing in on me, were that when I came out the other end my baby and I might feel bonded because we had gone through the war together. I did come out the other end. I hope you do too.

Keep posting.

bonniefromboot · 23/03/2008 12:01

wastydye, i am sorry that i can't be more helpful but i think if you can try to keep lines of communication open with him then at least he will know that if he did want to "talk" then he could.
I know that if i was in your situation I would be terrified, it must be so difficult to try and help him without bugging him and making a terrible situation worse.

JT109 · 23/03/2008 12:28

have you thought about going to family counselling with him. the fact he has told you meens he wants you to know and help him.

Original poster

WAStyedye · 23/03/2008 12:30

He saw a counsellor whilst at high school,and didnt persist,it was person centred counselling,which doesnt suit him.(I have studied counselling theory)He is resistant to trying it again,wants to solve his problems himself.Hes very self aware and mature,and we have talked alot about overthinking,and sleeping properly,abusing alcohol etc,which i do,am currently on the wagon.
He has major issues with how i have handled the crap thats happened in my life,i became very ill whilst with his stepfather,but having had 2 further children with him,i tried very hard to make the relationship work.Until i learned more about domestic violence and the nature of the abusive man.
My son sees me as weak and self obsessed,and has issues also that i am already in another serious relationship,even though this man is the polar opposite of his stepfather.He wants to kill his stepfather,has painted a huge,gloomy portrait of him,which is truly spooky,my knees went when i saw it.
He wasnt sexually abused,no,but grew up in a tinderbox of an atmosphere....
I discovered last night that my exe has a new girlfriend,and im worried in case she has children,he had 2 previous stepkids before mine,so theres 4 teens,young adults,who he brought up for several years,none of which will see him,my daughter,14,actually ran and hid in town when he called to her in town recently.

OP posts:

Simiantrousers · 23/03/2008 12:32

You need to go and talk to your GP - they might have some advice for you; and next time your DS goes in for something they might be able to talk to him about it then.

JT109 · 23/03/2008 12:35

i dont think boys can understand how theraputic a good counseller can be. my son had many problems (still has ) but i found that when i had councelling it helped me cope and gave me ideas on how to deal with my child and the constant issues it brings up, mostly the guilt. do you get to speak to anyone completly detatched from the situation?

AMAZINWOMAN · 23/03/2008 13:11

My heart goes out to you. Im sure most parents of teenagers will say they can be difficult to talk to, but when your son is feeling suicical that makes it even more difficult.

and teenagers blame their parents for everything anyway-so please dont feel too guilty

there are phone helpines that may help-CALM-is just for men and I dont think it feels like counselling. He can phone from the privacy of his own room without seeing a counsellor.

Original poster

WAStyedye · 23/03/2008 13:19

I hadnt thought of telephone counselling,i will look into that,or online....he spends alot of time on the web,so he could look into that!And i will ask my GP for advice.

OP posts:

KerryMum · 23/03/2008 13:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SpecialOffer · 23/03/2008 13:23

How about Childline, I used to be a counsellor there. He can ring free from any phone including mobile and does not have to give a name. They could also recommend other routes for him if he doesn't feel like talking to them over the phone.

Original poster

WAStyedye · 23/03/2008 13:49

I dont know what peer counselling is!?but he feels cut off from most of his friends now,very withdrawn.Im not sure if he will look at childline,hes nearly 18.I found the calm website,and ive sent it to his myspace inbox,hes away at the moment

OP posts:

Original poster

WAStyedye · 23/03/2008 14:04

I found another site,which he might use....hope so,but i will stop,hes gone skiing and i will piss him off,he wants to go away and forget about strife here!

OP posts:

AMAZINWOMAN · 23/03/2008 14:19

Good luck WAStyedyexxx

What about you? You have gone through an awful lot too, and you need to think about yourself too. (Easier said than done though!)

all this emotional worry is really exhausting, so you need to rest too.

frumpygrumpy · 23/03/2008 14:25

Keep going WAStyedye. You have been through an awful lot. The only way I get through my down times is to share them, otherwise, i take it out on everyone around me. Keep sharing. And keep encouraging him. You'll piss him off if you never leave him alone but regular contact means he's in no doubt he's loved and wanted and in it together.

frumpygrumpy · 23/03/2008 14:26

Meant to say I think you are doing great x.

KerryMum · 23/03/2008 14:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shitemum · 23/03/2008 15:05

I have no experience of this at all but wonder if your daughter and the other two ex-step kids would benefit along with your son from some kind of group therapy since they all seem to have suffered at the hands of the same man. Just an idea, i know it would be hard to put into practice but would take the onus off each one of them and make it about the ex-step father, which it is.

Original poster

WAStyedye · 23/03/2008 15:09

Thanks all,yes,ive been through hell,and back,and round the bend as well!He thinks hes being self pitying,and holds the feelings he is having in contempt,and was furious when he realised i was self harming...ive stopped
He has"ideals"for himself,and all around him.I should have left his stepdad,ive talked on here for the last few years about it all,some of you might recognise me...it got very ugly indeed.

kerrymum,peer counselling sounds superb,but i dont think he would go for that,hes a sqaure peg in a round hole,as am i,in life,and it wouldnt appeal,but thank you.x

OP posts:

KerryMum · 23/03/2008 15:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

WAStyedye · 23/03/2008 15:15

Hi shitemum(love the name lol)the other two exe stepkids would be hard to trace,but thats a very interesting thought,i know the mothers name,might try thru facebook...

OP posts:

Original poster

WAStyedye · 23/03/2008 17:29

tried facebook,myspace and friends...no good,never mind i spose....

OP posts:

frumpygrumpy · 24/03/2008 11:38

Hi, how is today?

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