It gets so complex doesn't it? Just need to talk

[HazelSheep]

Trigger warning: suicide

I've loved being a parent, really enjoy parenting my teens for the most part but when they were small I just never thought about the the things I'd have to help them through.

Today we found out that a friend of my sons took their own life. I had to sit him down and tell him this morning before he saw it on social media. I'm not sure I will ever forget his face. He has asd and is a quiet lad, it can be hard to read him and I've just felt so lost all day not knowing how to support him. He is shocked, it came out of the blue. I'm so sad for him, its his first experience with loss and I'm not sure it's really sunk in yet. He won't really talk and I know I can't push him.

Dd is just a little bit younger and kind of knew them. They go to a very small school and everyone knows everyone. She is shocked and sad too. Everyone is sad and I just want to make it better like I could when they were small but I can't.

I don't really have a point to this post, I'm just sad for my children and sad for the poor parents who lost their child. It's hard and cruel and sad.

It's so, so hard.

I don't have any answers OP, other than to let them know it is okay to cry, it is okay to be angry, it is okay to be confused. That you will listen if they want to talk. That you will hug them if they want to cry. That you will help them write a card or letter with a memory in, for the friend's parents if they would like to. That you will host other friends round your house if they want to be together, or that you will drive them to somewhere else.

The things I've had to deal with, as a parent, and hadn't envisaged dealing with, are many. It blindsides us sometimes. This will hit you, whether you knew the kid or not, personally. I'm so sorry for the loss of his friend.

Thanks for the replies. I know there is nothing really anyone can say. I know there is nothing I can do other than be there and let everyone be sad. They are in bed now and I just feel sad and lost. Ds has had his share of mental health struggles and I'm worried for him and how this will affect him. I'm worried that he's so quiet and I might miss something.

They are on midterm right now but the school is opening for a while tomorrow so everyone can go in and talk if they like. I've asked ds if he wants to go but he says he doesn't know yet. He doesn't have many friends, his asd makes him quite anxious but the friends he has have reached out to him. I'm just so sad for him, its a hard thing for anyone to go through but 16 is so young to have to do it.

This is awful. My girl was the last person to see a young lad before he committed suicide. He threatened her and she shouted at him. People blamed her. She has her own struggles too, she's autistic and had camhs support before. Keep an eye on him. Make sure there are no meds available, check room for sharps and ligatures....just to be sure. Teens are so very vulnerable to emotions. I've had a child take OD. They are fine now but it's something that never leaves you, even when they survive. Hugs

We went through similar last year. I;

• called the Samaritans for ideas about how to support my son - and also how I was feeling - they were great
• dialed everything else down for a few days - got takeouts, cancelled non-essential stuff, made sure I was available
• got 6 weekly sessions of my own counseling - was free through my employer
• let my son spend time with friends - or not - gave him lifts to places - let him take the lead on what to do or not do
• after a couple of months we went on a special holiday for a week. It gave us both something to look forward to, and was a break from the routine.
• told him there is no "right way" to grieve - that numbness, sadness, anger...etc are all normal

It will take months to process, and the memory will stay with him forever, but I do believe that what we did in these "early days" helped a lot.