DS stole credit card from us

[Whoknew76]

We are having major problems with our 17 year old son right now. We don’t give him any money because he would use it up buy weed. He does have a part time job. Husband just diagnosed with cancer so hoping our son would be a little bit more compassionate but his behaviour has not improved. Realised that my credit card was not in my purse at the weekend. Looked everywhere. Husband checked and discovered it was used in a mobile phone shop and £15 deducted. I asked my son and he denied it. Said I would call the police and they would check CCTV footage. He then confessed he had bought vapes . No remorse. Said he did it as revenge as I had cancelled his first driving lesson this week because he hadn’t stopped smoking weed. What the hell do I do? I can’t kick him out but living with him is unbearable right now and it’s not helping my husband. He is so rude and aggressive towards us.

Wow that's a lot to unpick.
I have three boys and it's hard work. Is he still at school? Or college? Can you ask for some support for him there?
I absolutely wouldn't be doing driving lessons as he may be over the limit. Can you buy a drug swipe? Maybe a shock for him to see he would lose his licence before he started/
Hide the cards, cash but leave the door open for chat.
I promise they come out of it. (We had literally the same problems but me unwell)

I speak as a mum and a safeguarding lead.

Cut him some slack.

Is he at college or sixth form? Speak to the safeguarding lead there. Ask for ab Early Help referral.

There are lots of parenting support options that'll help you with being assertive without being confrontational. Getting teens onside is often about compromise and negotiating; being authoritive and sanction-heavy often just backs a parent into a corner they can't escape from.

That's tough. Mine are a bit younger but teens lash out a lot. They 'steal' from parents often. Their heads are often in turmoil, I was that child.