Prom, time for a reset?

[Duechristmas]

I have three daughters. The last is Year 11 and Prom is on our minds.
Dd1 had a modest event, and a high street evening dress.
Dd2 was a covid school leaver and so had no prom, which she wasn't bothered about.
Dd3 is being swept up in prom excitement, HOWEVER at her school it's a BIG DEAL. You are expected to buy a dress from one of the local outfitters which range from £250-800. Then there's hair, make up, nails, shoes, bag and transport. We are in a deprived area and the thought families are going into debt for this makes me feel sick, as does paying the price of a set of driving lessons for a dress to be worn for three hours.
We are now at an impasse. I want her to go, her friends and teachers want her to go, school hasn't been easy for her but she's almost there. However the prices and styles of dresses don't work for her. There's pressure that the shops close their orders by mid February.
She's a really sociable kid, she goes to parties most weekends, and yet this is causing stress and upset because she doesn't feel comfortable with the styles and expectations.
Any advice?

Look on eBay and, if needed, pay for any alterations that may be needed?

What style of dress does she want?

There's nothing she likes, she'd rather be in sports wear or bodycon. We both think it's a bit weird to wear something so 'extra' just for a few hours

I‘m sure body con would be fine? They don’t all wear long dresses. She could go a bit ‘extra’ on hair/shoes if necessary?

What does she want to wear? My DD wore a suit from vinted with a cropped jacket, I did buy her new trainers (never cheap) but she looked amazing and felt comfortable and it even with the trainers was no more than £75 and the trainers are still being worn!

You can rent prom dresses or any designer dress. She can have some serious high end fashion for a reasonable price for about 3 nights . Have a look on line . Sell it as a sustainable choice maybe ?

Look here - worth a look ?

My DD rented one-she was not really prom dressy but found something she liked.

Think there will be a huge huge variety in what ppl wear and what they actually spend.

My dd wore trousers and one of her friends looked like Cinderella - it really is anything goes. If she wants something more cocktail, ie bodycon then why not.

Lots of girls here got vintage dresses or wore one of their mums old dresses. It was cool to do so. Quite a middle class area though.

Back in 2005 I bucked the trends and wore a beautiful white suit to my prom. It was very 'First Wives Club', if you get the reference lol.

Myself & one other girl were the only ones not in dresses and I felt fabulous. Still love looking back on the photos and take pride in myself for not following the masses. Tell your DD to wear whatever she wants.

My daughter got a simple non flowery straight elegant one. Was still expensive but not as out there.

Kids wear a range of outfits. I am a teacher and have been to loads.

It isn't worth the angst you are right.

Every July my local Facebook market place is full of prom dresses. "Beautiful dress worn once cost £400 want £300 for it". You never seen them sold. Utter waste

Shein dress and then alter here? There are some stunning dresses on shein. Check the reviews before you buy.

DD's school have been taking donations of prom clothing which they're now making available for students to buy or hire. Better for family budgets and the environment.

You are expected to buy a dress from one of the local outfitters which range from £250-800.

Expected by whom?

At ds's prom some girls went all out, others (including his gf, and my nieces) bought off the peg/used/cheaper end dresses and did their own makeup. His gf altered her dress herself (with safety pins!).

Don't get drawn into the competitiveness, it is not mandatory.

The girls themselves, and some of their parents! I don't know if it's because we're a deprived area or what the reason is but they all wear a very princessy look, think Strictly Ballroom meets Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, and the cars, the accessories, the fake tan, then the after party outfit, it's a massive deal! We have a family member who has a nice car and get best friend's mother is a hairdresser so I'm not taking part in that game but it just feels like a terrifying form of one upmanship and nothing like my eldest and her peers experienced.
I feel like they just need to step back a bit and ensure it's accessible to all.

For both of my DDs I managed to get them to swerve the local prom dress shop in favour of a cheaper alternative (house of fraser / monsoon).

There will be lots of worn once dresses on ebay that can be adjusted as pp has said.

Dd2 had prom in 2021 and it was really touch and go as to whether it would go ahead - this took the pressure off dresses and some girls wore suits, some were v punky/gothy.

Personally I think the dresses in the boutique. were v blingy.

My two daughters had the same and for both of them we found a style they liked and ordered direct from.china. i think it was on amazon. The dresses areived on time and luckily were perfect.

Dd1's was 80 pounds for one like you describe, very disney princess and I reckon closer to the 600 pounds ones in uk shops. They are all ordered from China anyway.

Dd's was a bodycon, 30 pounds and her friend had an almost iden tical one she spent nearly 100 pounds on!

TK Maxx have great prom dresses. I think it takes some strong individuals to say ‘I’m not spending £400/600/800 on a prom dress, I’m putting it to driving lessons/donating to Ukraine/I don’t want to put my family under that kind of financial pressure’ And others will follow suit. But if they’re all saying ‘I’m spending £800’ ‘oh yes me too’ there’ll be lots of tears and stress

You think everyone will be buying those dresses but there will be kids whose parents will just not be able to afford that trust me.

I stood outside my dd’s school (very deprived area) when prom kicked out and there were the usual big prom dresses but there were also quite a few girls in nice trouser suits, muslim girls in beautiful gowns that were modest and covered every inch, girls of African heritage wearing gorgeous outfits in traditional fabrics, and quite a lot of girls just wearing pretty long dresses from Boohoo and the like (my dd’s was from Free People).

They all looked beautiful and happy and I don’t think on the actual night itself anyone will care (or know) if you’ve spent hundreds or not.

The cars and fluff don’t really matter once they're in the venue, high on life dancing to the music and taking selfies. In fact the ones in the huge dresses and heels they can’t walk in are the most encumbered and least likely to enjoy it!

What about a deeply figure hugging satin column style dress like old Hollywood glam. Lots in bridesmaid dress sites online.

Quiz is good (and reasonable) for posh dresses. Or look on local FB pages, eBay etc - loads of people flogging last years £600 dress
But if she doesn’t want to wear a dress then she doesn’t have to. Most kids went all out at my DD’s prom but some didn’t- dressy trousers or a more normal dress. And lots wore trainers. Even with the fancy dresses. My DD wore converse with hers.

DD's was from Quiz the first time and chichi London the second time. As far as I'm aware none had dresses from a prom outfitter, and this was in an affluent area the first time and a boarding school the second time. Nobody had professional hair make up or nails though I did take her to boots for the first prom and they did her make up at the counter for £10 (which I then got a £10 voucher to spend on make up!)

Spending on proms seems to be almost inverse to income...

If she really does want a prom dress, look on amazon or try ever pretty - you need to watch the sizing carefully and return policies are iffy but I've bought amazing dresses from them (professional singer dd)