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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

How much to push?

6 replies

Roodledoodle83 · 12/02/2024 19:45

Dd has social anxiety. She saw a therapist and this was really successful in helping her to moderate her emotions and she has really worked hard to regain her confidence and self esteem.
She goes out with us as a family and is fine- even going to busy pop concerts, gigs etc.
A good friend has invited her out for the day during half term and she’s already feeling really anxious about it. She said she doesn’t feel that the friend really wants her to go (I think I can 100% say this isn’t true and I’ve said this) and she’s worried about making small talk with the parents of her friend. I’ve tried reasoning with her and ultimately said she has to make the choice to go or not but I feel this is a pattern. She finds something hard and won’t push against it. I said we can come up with topics to talk about in the car and the activity will be structured so she won’t need to talk once they are there.
any wise words?

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2024WasNotInFactMyYear · 12/02/2024 22:32

Ruminating and seeking reassurance are a sure-fire way to escalate stress. I used to be the same as your DD, and my mother had a brilliant way of handling it. She’d give me total flexibility to decide the night before, and wouldn’t let me think of it until then. Like that Scarlett O’Hara quote- “I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about it tomorrow.”

1stAttempt · 13/02/2024 11:00

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2024WasNotInFactMyYear · 13/02/2024 11:53

I agree it’s not a long-term plan, ultimately what solved it for me was getting a part time job in my teens. But in the immediate short term it’s a good way to stop her from mentally escalating to the point of self-destruction.

Roodledoodle83 · 13/02/2024 20:46

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She has lots of hobbies and interests but definitely not sport! 🤣 She is very musical and that’s her outlet for her emotions and definitely helps her calm herself.
I’ve suggested she reconnect with the therapist but she’s not keen at the moment.
fingers crossed she can get herself in the right frame of mind to enjoy this trip as I really feel it will put her back on the right track.

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1stAttempt · 13/02/2024 22:08

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Roodledoodle83 · 14/02/2024 10:34

Well she made it! ❤️⭐️
thank you everyone for the advice- a mixture of not allowing her to overthink it and helping her to think of conversation starters and she went.
She was obviously nervous and I could see the fear in her eyes but she painted on her amazing smile and off she went.
Now I’m distracting myself from worrying about her.
Really want it to be a good day so she can build on this but whatever it will show her that she can overcome these feelings and they pass.

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