Is this the new normal for now? 🥴

[Noodle1976]

Hi,

I just need to know if this is par for the course with 12 year old girls. I appreciate they're not all the same though! I am a professional that's worked with children for the last 25 years, so I feel I know my stuff, but I guess it's different with your own children. My daughter is 11 (very soon to be 12) She has been a breeze, charming, bubbly and super at school all of her life. We've had it easy compared to others I guess, we've been lucky.

my daughter started her periods early, 2 years ago and has been fine, we haven't really had mood swings or hormonal stuff - she's just cracked on with things. None of the usual stuff I expected with puberty. Fast forward to the last few weeks..

She's been feeling low at times, very emotional (sobbing etc) Can't say why. She started secondary last sept, settled really well but it's bloody hard work compared to primary. Her report was glowing, she's form captain, tonnes of friends. She says school is fab and I do believe her. I monitor all the stuff on her phone and the chats are positive. It's the mood swings, this morning she was sobbing, saying everything seems great so she thinks something horrible is going to happen. After a cry she was rolling around on the floor laughing, like a crazy person. We've just been out for a walk and she's been fab. I know however they'll be another dip round the corner. The mood swings are crazy at times. Shes mortified if she's grumpy with me and then sobs saying she doesn't know who she is anymore, as she changing. We've talked about anxiety (as she does overthink and suffers with this)

I think she's overwhelmed with how busy and big her life has become, coupled with hormones and general tiredness. She's having a blood test soon so will be interesting to see how her hormones are etc.

We've had no mood swings for the last 2 years whilst she's been on her period so is this full on adolescence she's in, as she's ahead of her curve with her peers who haven't even started their periods yet?! I think as I've worked with families and children who have severe mental health or behavioural difficulties I've got myself in a panic and can't see the wood for the trees!

Teenagerdom is exhausting, for us and them! Thanks so much for reading I just beee to know I'm not alone xx

The up and down moods are normal at that age. I wouldn't personally be too worried. Just tell her the feelings are normal and they'll pass. Tell her you know being a teen is hard and try to offer reassurance. Don't panic, I wouldn't be concerned. I have a DD17 and DS11

Also went through this around 10-13. 15 now and much better but still occasions of crying for no reason. I think I was similar when a teenager and nobody took much notice tbh, even now, my mood swings can be pretty bad but more manageable with diet lifestyle etc. We’ve had blood test all fine but slightly low iron, tablets really helped this month. I think some women suffer more severely than others but if life is generally okay, I wouldn’t stress it too much. Finding ways to manage emotions and be attuned to it has been very helpful for us.

There are a number of apps available to monitor her cycle, I strongly suggest you encourage her to use one noting her feelings every day. After 3 or 4 months you may see a pattern. I suffered with PMDD (extreme PMS) from an early age and so I was all over my DD’s cycle for the first year. Thankfully she doesn’t show any signs of PMDD (neither does your daughter btw) but girls are very often subtly mentally affected by their hormones. For example DD has 2 days per month when she feels less confident, she recognises on these days to not take anything too seriously; she is also short tempered for a few days and I know not to push her. Most hormonal mood and behavioural changes happen after ovulation until menstruation starts.

It may be worth helping her a bit with managing anxious thoughts and the worry that things are good now so something bad will be coming. Just explaining that negative thoughts like this are generated by her brain and are not based on fact would be good, also helping her to identify when fun or good times are happening they are not followed by a sad or upsetting time to balance life out so she has real life proof that the negative thoughts were just that, a negative, fairly unhelpful thought. Best wishes

The "i'm happy now so I worry something bad is just around the corner" should be explored more. Talk to her, what would the something be, why does she think that , remind her she deserves to be happy, and while things aren't always great it does pass. Try to unpick where this anxiety is coming from.

And sometimes, just let her cry it out. DD does this quite a bit. She's just overwhelmed so I just give her the time and space to do it. It took me a while to accept that's just what she needs in that moment , as of course as a parent it's upsetting and you want to fix whatever it is. However, very often there was nothing to fix.