Leaving teen home alone

[unbelievablescenes]

Hi,

I've a 15 year old (sept birthday) that doesn't want to go abroad. A 13 yo that's desperate to go abroad. Do you think a Sept holiday leaving the (give or take a few days) 16 yo is a ridic idea? I'd never get her to agree to stay with a relative, and you can't really ask someone to watch her for a week. Technically she could move out the following week. She's relatively sensible (other than a rough patch last year) and loves her own company. I actually think having to look after herself for a week could bring her on in many ways. Her gran is a 2 mins drive away in emergencies. What's your thoughts?

No there won't. Kids don't really behave like that these days.

They certainly do around here!

@Comedycook I think you and I have different values here. I want her to be able to advocate for herself and say no when she's uncomfortable with something. She's scared of flying and has zero interest in foreign travel. Why would I force her to come? She knows I desperately want her to but she also understands everyone else's life can't be on hold to suit her. So my 13 yr old doesn't get to go abroad for how many more years? I'm on my own and can't split myself in two, there needs to be compromises somewhere. This seems like a reasonable one.

I wouldn't pander to her fear of flying. That will only make it worse. I also doubt she has zero interest in seeing other countries....my guess would be that helps excuse her reluctance to travel.

16 is fine and it's good for her to build her independence. If you're planning to go abroad , I'd maybe start out with something more low key like a night away in the UK leaving her alone first.

We had booked a week away when DS was 16 and a bit as he had seemed ok with us being away for a weekend, but after an incident in the summer where he and his 25 year old cousin almost set fire to the kitchen trying to cook a steak, we cancelled it until he was 17.

I've left my sensible 16yo overnight.

A week- no chance. Not because she'd get up to anything bad but because she'd be lonely and bored. Sounds like a bit of a sad start to Y11, coming home to an empty house.

I was left alone at home for a week or two at about 17. My friends & family were all away and I didn't really speak to anyone. After a while I started crying randomly for no reason. I was ok, but it was a lonely and emotionally difficult spell.

No, I would not. 16 is still vulnerable, and I would not relax on holiday wondering if there had been a break in, or any emergency really. How safe is the area? At a pinch maybe you could add safeguards like Gran staying overnight, or some other trusted adult.

Not during the term time of an important academic year- school holidays maybe.

I would never have left my daughter at home at that age. The party guests would have started arriving before out plane had taken off! I would also never trust a 16 year old to get to school on time, lock up the house properly etc.

16 is fine, up until recently you could get married at 16.

You know your daughter best.

I started leaving my 16 DD home overnight alone once she started college. She seems similar to yours, sensible, enjoys her own company etc. I started with one night at first, then increased to a long weekend. Wouldn't hesitate to leave her for a week now. I've even allowed her to have friends over and she had a small "party" while we were away. I think the fact that I trust her to be sensible goes a long way so she's doesn't seem keen to push it. I appreciate not all kids are the same though.

I would suggest you do a couple of trial runs. One night here, a couple there and build up to the full week. Make sure she's comfortable and doesn't try her luck. All well then go on holiday. If it doesn't work then gran to stay it is and she'll only have herself to blame.

It depends on your DD. We’ve recently had this conversation as our DD wants us ( DH and I) to visit her for a long weekend, but we don’t feel that DS (15) is mature enough to be left alone for three days. He wouldn’t have a party, but he’s abit daft sometimes, forgets about the dog, might burn food and make the fire alarm go off, etc. Plus he’s be scared to be left that long, although he’d never admit it!

Your DD might be more mature though.

I lived on my own at 16. Her gran is round the corner. You know her best but on the face of it, I think it's fine.

She either goes on holiday or she stays with a relative. I really don’t think the school would take a 16 year old being left on their own for a week lightly. If anything were to go wrong there would almost certainly be questions asked on your part, and nobody would be empathetic to the fact that you just went on holiday and left your young DD home alone for days on end. If you were staying in the UK or if it was an emergency it would maybe be understandable but going abroad is too much.

I would.

Why would it be such a hardship for a 13 year old to wait a couple years to go abroad though? I never went abroad until I was 20, for no big reason other than we couldn't afford it. It hasn't had any impact whatsoever and if you do a UK based trip you can all enjoy it together. Not really seeing the issue. If it were an overnight yes I would say let the elder one stay home but a full week with you unable to jump in the car and come home doesn't sound like very sensible planning to me.

Neither school (and OP said her daughter would probably be in college by then) nor SS would have the slightest interest in a 16 yo alone for a week whilst parent goes on holiday.

It is down to your assessment as a parent, and your daughter's maturity. It sounds as though she would be fine. Now would be a good opportunity for her to demonstrate her maturity 😂 locking up, cooking meals, housework etc. plus a trial weekend away.

I was left at 15 for a week and I bloody loved it! I was sensible though and a decent cook. My sister would have thrown a party and drunk the house dry.

Might have already been suggested but can't t you do a hybrid approach e.g you go away Friday to Friday she does the first half of the week alone then goes to her grans say on the Tuesday after school then goes to school on the Friday and heads Back home when she finishes.
Would potentially break up the monotony of being alone all week .
Some kids would definitely have a party but lots wouldn't you know your child best in that respect.

@RowanMayfair Ha, ha, ha. https://metro.co.uk/2023/08/31/mums-horror-after-teenage-daughters-house-party-wrecks-their-home-19423478/

No. Too young for a week and you being abroad.

We went abroad for 3 nights leaving a 17 yr old & 15 yr old, who were happy to be left & both sensible, with grandparents nearby & a very good neighbours/friends in case of emergency - but having the 2 of them together gave us peace of mind.