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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

social anxiety

17 replies

Kellysdaughter987 · 06/02/2024 11:07

Our daughter has suffered with social anxiety since lockdown and thankfully much improved due to an excellent private psychologist who said she had low self esteem (some bullying issues and serious acne) and social anxiety. Things improved greatly but she still finds social events really stressful and becomes anxious. Even school can be challenging at times but she always goes and has friends to hang out with. She is an excellent student and thankfully is able to answer questions in class and even loves debating.
I notice this morning she wouldn’t/couldn’t get out of the car at the bus stop until there were no people coming past and she was really anxious about a recent trip so it is causing her issues even though she says she’s ok. Although she has friends she definitely doesn’t feel secure in the group (they are nice kids).
I know I suffered myself as a teenager but don’t think there was the awareness of these things at the time so I was labelled as quiet and shy. I don’t even think my parents were concerned. My anxiety was overcome by my strong minded decision to ‘get out there‘ and I had a great time in my later teenage years. I put on a mask and pretended to be confident even though I was shaking inside. But it worked!
how have your teens overcome their social anxiety?

she already has hobbies and interests and we try and do lots of family things together.

OP posts:
insidethisissue · 06/02/2024 11:11

she has had one heck of a difficult time with serious acne (has it cleared?)

does she had any close friends?

Does she do anything out of school?

insidethisissue · 06/02/2024 11:12

lots of hobbies and interests?

so it sounds like she is masking her social anxiety then?

Kellysdaughter987 · 06/02/2024 11:14

Yes we paid for accutane treatment and her skin is now her pride and joy! She went through that harsh treatment without a single complaint as she was so desperate.
|She has interests out of school- she is really musical (but not band instruments sadly) so she has hobbies and lessons which make her heart soar! She comes out of these sessions with huge smiles and knows she’s good! (😊)

OP posts:
insidethisissue · 06/02/2024 11:18

so the hobbies and interests are all solo activities?

what’s her weight like?

Kellysdaughter987 · 06/02/2024 11:18

I’m not sure she is masking her social anxiety- she can’t hide it when it rises up. She says she can answer questions in class as she made herself do it and now she can just do it without thinking. She said when she was younger she got stressed just answering the register in class but now can give speeches and join in debates with just the usual butterflies.

OP posts:
Kellysdaughter987 · 06/02/2024 11:20

she’s tall and slim and takes really good care of herself. She’s a gorgeous girl with her own sense of style 😊
yes her hobbies are just her and with exams looming I don’t think she’d be willing to add any more to her list of commitments. She does belong to a language club at school that she enjoys.

OP posts:
Whataretalkingabout · 06/02/2024 11:25

Maybe it is your own anxiety that is contagious. Be proud of her and believe in her. She needs to see her mom has confidence in her.

Kellysdaughter987 · 06/02/2024 11:29

I couldn’t be prouder and she knows it.
my other daughter has more confidence than she knows what to do with! 🤣🤣 and my son wrote the book on not giving a dam so I must be doing something right 🤣
I have found not to dwell on her negativity thoughts though so you are right about it being contagious.

OP posts:
insidethisissue · 06/02/2024 11:30

what does she do at the weekends op? does she ever see school friends out of school socially?

insidethisissue · 06/02/2024 11:31

Kellysdaughter987 · 06/02/2024 11:18

I’m not sure she is masking her social anxiety- she can’t hide it when it rises up. She says she can answer questions in class as she made herself do it and now she can just do it without thinking. She said when she was younger she got stressed just answering the register in class but now can give speeches and join in debates with just the usual butterflies.

so she’s improving

OP - her anxiety sounds fairly normal for
a teenage tbh

insidethisissue · 06/02/2024 11:32

Kellysdaughter987 · 06/02/2024 11:29

I couldn’t be prouder and she knows it.
my other daughter has more confidence than she knows what to do with! 🤣🤣 and my son wrote the book on not giving a dam so I must be doing something right 🤣
I have found not to dwell on her negativity thoughts though so you are right about it being contagious.

Edited

so your other two are very confident

understandably they are your benchmark but actually your daughter sounds like many a teenager!

Kellysdaughter987 · 06/02/2024 11:33

No that’s part of the issue- they aren’t really a sociable bunch and only communicate online out of school. I’ve done all the things like suggest they meet for coffee, cinema (all the easy things) but she says she can’t suggest it. I’ve even offered to host pizza parties/film nights and just invite someone around to study. I suppose she has to want it enough to push herself to do these things.

OP posts:
Kellysdaughter987 · 06/02/2024 11:34

Hadn’t thought about that! 😊 thank you

OP posts:
insidethisissue · 06/02/2024 11:35

Kellysdaughter987 · 06/02/2024 11:33

No that’s part of the issue- they aren’t really a sociable bunch and only communicate online out of school. I’ve done all the things like suggest they meet for coffee, cinema (all the easy things) but she says she can’t suggest it. I’ve even offered to host pizza parties/film nights and just invite someone around to study. I suppose she has to want it enough to push herself to do these things.

i’m exactly the same with my DD

no no no

unfathomable to me as a teen of the nineties!

Rollergirl11 · 06/02/2024 13:36

How old is your DD @Kellysdaughter987? You mention impending exams so I’m guessing Year 11? If so would she consider getting a part time job? My DD (almost 18) suffers with anxiety and her getting a job after her GCSE’s has really helped her to come out of herself and gain confidence. Not only does it force them out of their comfort zone but it also opens up wider friendship opportunities. DD met her boyfriend at her job which has also helped with her confidence and in turn her anxiety.

Ultimately though I think a lot of anxiety is just down to their personality type. DD has an anxious personality and is also a perfectionist which can make life difficult at times. But confidence grows with age and life experience. Keep building your DD up and gently challenge her to make changes to help her to grow. She will get there!

RichardsGear · 06/02/2024 13:39

I don't think she sounds that bad, tbh.

insidethisissue · 06/02/2024 14:01

RichardsGear · 06/02/2024 13:39

I don't think she sounds that bad, tbh.

quite the opposite actually!

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