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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

I need help with my 15 year old son.

10 replies

JW1893 · 04/02/2024 23:17

I don’t really know where to start other than I am a broken mum at the moment and I just have no idea what to do any more.

My 15 year old son lies (all the time), steals, manipulates and deceives. We have had ongoing problems for a long time and I have done absolutely everything I can think of. He has stolen money from me, my partner and my other son, multiple times. He has stolen from shops. I have had no choice but to contact the police because nothing I was doing deterred him, he was cautioned and warned he would be prosecuted next time. He has still stolen from me. He lies all the time. I have had so many conversations with him, I have yelled, shouted, grounded him, taken everything away, I have done tough love and I have done days out, bonding things, making lists for goals to achieve that week. I have involved school and he has a youth worker for help. I have tried so many things to get him to stop his behaviours. He does struggle socially and hasn’t had easy teenage years but his behaviour is unacceptable. Our relationship has completely broken down, as has his with my partners and my other son. I’ve been that unwell that I’ve been off work because I have struggled to cope. He has done so many things. I follow through with my threats so he knows I mean it but he also knows that he has a loving home. He’s a very smart boy with so much potential but he’s going to ruin it all and has been warned he faces expulsion. He is waiting for some counselling to see if that helps, but ultimately I can’t keep living like this. Nothing in my house is safe, he can not be trusted at all and I don’t know what to do. I love my son more than anything in the world but it is massively impacting me and everything else and it can’t go on like this. I need some advice, I have honestly done everything and I am worried sick for his future, I am heart broken at the situation, I miss my son and I want the best for him but he is making me ill. I have explored why he steals, we have done work around friends etc. i am a mum at her wits end and I have another son I have to think about who is only 10 and my long term partner. We are all struggling. I’ve tried to get him to focus and engage in his passions. I’m just fighting a losing battle and I feel like it’s going to come to a point where he no longer lives with me and it breaks my heart to even think about that but if things don’t change, I don’t see another way. If anyone can offer some support, advice or words of encouragement, I’d much appreciate it.

i just want my son back x

OP posts:
Susa1 · 04/02/2024 23:24

I am just here to say I know how you feel and it’s so hard . My son is 17 and making my life a living hell to the point I have no life or happiness anymore. If it’s not one thing it’s another and the more I try help and guide him the worse he treats me . I to had to get police to help and he hates me for it but I was worried for his safety . Us mums have it hard so sending love to you and I hope we have brighter days soon x

JW1893 · 04/02/2024 23:32

Thank you for your kind words! ❤️
I’m sorry that you’re also having an extremely hard time. It feels like a living nightmare doesn’t it x

OP posts:
Susa1 · 04/02/2024 23:44

Really is . I am heartbroken I keep thinking to when he was just a wee boy how lovely he was and now how life is spiralling out of control . I wish I could keep him safe and get him on the right path but he sees me as the enemy. The advice I’ve been given is to take a step back and let him make his own mistakes. It’s hard though as you want to protect them but all that I do and he still does it . They will grow up eventually 🤞

Ihavesomeideas · 04/02/2024 23:45

Have you any idea what he does with the money he steals? Could he be using it for drugs hence not being able to reason with him?

Ihavesomeideas · 04/02/2024 23:47

Can I just add that you sound like you've put in 110% percent trying to help him

PlipPlopChoo · 04/02/2024 23:50

Can I just add that you sound like you've put in 110% percent trying to help him

You mean 100%?

JW1893 · 04/02/2024 23:56

It ranges from food, drinks to e-cigarettes, to probably alcohol. He has told me he has tried cannabis once, but that he hasn’t tried it since (I don’t know whether that is true or not but I haven’t smelt it on him or felt like he’s appeared stoned). However he also steals when he has no way of spending. At Christmas time he was already in a world of trouble, he was grounded and off school, so he wasn’t leaving the house for 2 weeks or seeing any of his friends and he still stole from us. His behaviour is just inexcusable at present. He has done so much and I just don’t recognise him anymore. Whenever he gets given the smallest bit of trust back or an opportunity he takes advantage and does something.

OP posts:
booktokbear · 05/02/2024 00:04

PlipPlopChoo · 04/02/2024 23:50

Can I just add that you sound like you've put in 110% percent trying to help him

You mean 100%?

No pp meant 110%

Ie. Everything you have, and more.

It's a turn of phrase.

oOmoonhaOo · 10/02/2024 18:20

PlipPlopChoo · 04/02/2024 23:50

Can I just add that you sound like you've put in 110% percent trying to help him

You mean 100%?

Wtf is the point of this post?

Hazbot · 15/02/2024 10:32

I really empathise with you and it sounds so so difficult. I am having similar issues with my 15 year old son who doesn't stop lying and getting into trouble.
I've split from his dad when he was young and so I dont think that helps in any way. Whilst it's hard to know what to do, it is somewhat comforting to know that other mums are out there experiencing similar issues.

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