Sporting ability - kill the dream?

[nwLondonDad]

I've spent years on getting my son into higher calibre teams (with players who get signed by professional clubs), trials, personal coaches, training plans etc. My son has obviously put in more effort to keep improving. He is now 16 and year 11 GCSEs so I've forced him to have only one team.

The issue is football whilst his dream, makes him sad. He's been in 5 teams but has made no permanent or temporary friends outside of training. He's not gifted or hardworking enough to be an average player at the level he plays. He's basically at the lower end so this impacts game time and the team's results.

His mother and I agreed we would let him play as it would impact his studies.

But it is generally concerning that he is always sad after training and games, but still has this belief somehow things will work out. I also think the fact that he hasn't made any friends from all the teams he's been at is weird.

I don't know how or even if I should say that he needs to play at a lower level and he's not going to make it as a footballer. Any thoughts?

Sounds like you’re pushing him too much. Let him concentrate on his GCSE’s and play for fun.

Talk to him to find out what he wants. Say you will support whatever he wants to do. Help him focus on school and find alternative plans for his future that may or may not also include playing for fun.

If football is still the dream then maybe suggest the benefits of playing with a lower level team where he could play a more significant role to boost his confidence. Maybe encourage him to look at things adjacent to playing - a refereeing course, or volunteer coaching with a younger team.

Or if he insists on sticking with this goal snd this team, then praise him for his tenacity and ask him if there is anything he would like to support him - extra coaching, gym membership etc. He will know himself where he is at at 16 - and he will sense any negative feedback from peers and coaches, so as his parents it's about steering and supporting.

I agree that it is probably time for him to knock it on the head as a serious career option but it needs to come from him. Pursuing pro football is a tough road packed with rejection. It must be tough seeing him sad.

I don’t think I could cope with seeing my son sad after every match or session. DS played academy and county football for a while but always quit whilst he was ahead.

I’d suggest perhaps another angle where his skills may be more revered. For DS that was futsal - it plays more to his strengths as a footballer. He plays it at uni now and has it boxed for fun rather than a career.

As pp said, a heart to heart in order where you drill down what’s important to him. Does he want to constantly feel not good enough? It’s not a great place to be even temporarily IMO.

These are his suggestions and ambitions, I just facilitate. I'm more than happy not to feel inferior to coaches, plan my weekend based on late Friday night messages, drive all over the place, take time off work.

As someone who cares I'm ensuring he's in the right environments/leagues/teams to be exposed to top tier footballers.

Thank you.

We've had the lower level discussion but the exposure to scouts etc isn't there. He still believes he will get scouted.

And given its GCSE year, he's not training all the time. I'm just waiting for him to accept he's not going to make it and maybe then start enjoying football at a lower level.

Thank you.

Yes it's odd that he continues to feeling inadequate. Obviously nobody wants this, but it's like he feels things will just click one day.

He manages to get into high level EJA teams but once there his ability drops and he doesn't feature. It's like he needs continuous positive encouragement from coaches, but as you know football isn't filled with emotionally intelligent coaches.

If i am honest I think he needs to work this out for himself. It is so competitive and he will know that he is not playing at the level that he maybe needs to, he has to come to terms with it. Begin focusing less on the sport and mire on what other things he is good at. You may need to direct towards a plan B. Ds does a sport at a high level but may never make it, so we are helping him adjust and see that there is life out there and he can do his sport for fun. If the sport is who they feel they are, where they get their worth it is so hard for them to let it go. We continue to support, take to training, competitions etc but we are also trying to get ds to think of life outside of it too. He may make it or not.

Thank you. Yes I will try to find something else that he may wish to engage in.

I don’t know, I think they are getting better. Depends on the academy. Also it depends on the player as you know - if it’s a star player all sorts of bells and whistles are forthcoming. You could say that they want resilience in players and therefore it’s not their job?

Devils advocate.

My DS could have played for a JPL-equivalent team, but realised that he was not going to get a lot of game time and that was the clincher for him. He wants to play. He does want to be a footballer still, but he also wants to maximise his playing time, even if that means he is playing for a lower division. So I wonder if your DS is more interested in becoming a pro footballer but not actually really passionate about the game itself? Might be worth trying to work what he really wants. If he spends more time on the bench than playing, then he is not going to improve or enjoy it very much.

You could suggest he tries Futsal - my DS loves it, and it's great for building ball skills and it's starting to become more popular in the UK. Some teams are more competitive than others. He does it in addition to his regular football team.

That's an interesting outlook, I will try that one.

I tried futsal a couple of years back, he didn't take to it.

Yes I think he's more interested in being a pro than loving the game.