Friendships

[Lancslady432]

My DD (16) has a nice friendship circle at school- good kids and seldom any drama. Unfortunately she’s not in many classes with the main group and I think this makes her feel quite isolated at times. She does chat to people in her classes though.
She has been saying that she feels like they all are ‘better’ friends than she is. They appear to meet socially and have sleepovers but she’s not invited. They are quite open about it so I don’t think it’s done to exclude her but she’s just not really considered. She asked to join a group chat they were all on and they added her immediately.
just think she’s fed up of feeling on the outskirts. I suggested she talk to one of the girls she is closest to but that’s considered ‘too cringe.’
i think she’s just not found ‘her tribe’ as she loves music, politics and history and they aren’t into the same things. She is also considered a ‘swot’ as she is really determined to do well in her gcses. She is probably closest to one of the boys who does share many interests but that is fraught with difficulties as she is worried about the gossip when she spends time with him! 🙄
with just a few months until she leaves school i just want to help her- any advice?

Take the pressure off. Tell her that lots of people don’t meet their tribe until later on. Remind her that she has a safe secure home and family to come back to every day and that not everyone has that. Let her know that she is exactly the person who you would have loved to have been friends with when you were at school and list all the reasons why, her qualities and what makes her special. Share your admiration that she hasn’t gone done the route of accepting any old friendships- she could have opted to join in with toxic individuals or groups and she hasn’t. Encourage her with her interests. Take her to the cinema, do stuff together, boost her self worth (which could be diminished if u r trying to make her fit in with a group who don’t fully value her). Let her know lots of people find the teenage years at school difficult and lonely at times. If there are activities at school such as interest groups she might want to go along to build some new friendships.

it is painful to watch as parents, but having seen my children struggle with teenage friendships I now think I put too much effort into encouraging my children to ’fit in’.

Wishing you and your daughter well.

Great advice- thank you.
We do loads of things as a family and she loves nothing more than a meal out and a theatre/cinema trip.
She also has musical hobbies which she loves and has really supportive teachers.

Sounds like you are providing great support. In a couple of years time she’ll be in work or further education and that’s a game changer for her social life. It’s ok if the next 2 years are socially quieter. Supportive teachers also a gift 🎁

It is hard not to feel their angst but if u can support her through the discomfort and not feel responsible for fixing stuff the next two years r going to be much easier for you as well as her. Take care ❤️

Could she do some of the inviting - have a sleepover at your house? A movie night? It sounds like they are not doing it to be unkind so maybe after a few social events that she’s organised, she’d become a bit more integral?