Booked Escape room for 15 year old son - but 2 of Friends have stopped talking to him

[mumjoyful]

Due to do an escape room with my sons friends and there was a incident in the park where his shoes/ phone were taken, he got angry and went home early ..I found his socks in the bin and got him to tell me what happened.
He said he wanted to cancel the escape room...
I was furious and contacted the other mums of these sons.. saying I wasn't happy with their behaviour and to talk to the boys...One of the other mums has said it was a prank that went wrong...hoping the boys would make up.
I thought my son would get an apology and that would be the end of it!
But now 2 of his friends are no longer talking to him, he is feeling really upset, wondering what he has done wrong to break up his friends group...
His been bullied in the past, due to jealousy and I feel its happening again!
He has done nothing wrong...his so called friends are the ones who decided to pick on him! Take his shoes and through them onto a roof...and then steal his phone!
I don't want to make the situation worse but I'm so angry that they are making his birthday week a complete misery. I now want to cancel Saturday as I think they are going to stand him up...but he is trying to get them to talk to him...I just don't know what to do! I want to send a text to the mums to see if their kids are coming or going to continue to blank him...teenage friendships are a nightmare! Your dammed if you get involved your dammed if you don't!
( I know do spoil him as his twin sister died at 23 months)

Does he have other friends coming? If so I would just leave things as they are and not make a big deal out of it which will likely only worsen relations. If they come fine if they don’t oh well. To be honest I really don’t think it’s bullying.. teenagers do stupid things as pranks and I’ve certainly heard of similar before with DD and her peers!

Is there any way you can have family members go instead and have a family bonding day? And did he get his shoes and phone back? Poor kid, sound like horrible friends to have.

only booked for 4 of them...the back up plan is for us to do it instead as a family, but need to send out an un-invitation!!

I wouldn’t uninvite. As hard as it is not to get involved he needs to sort it out himself. Keep the booking, go along with the intention that you’ll go in if his friends don’t show.

If you send a message to their mums uninviting them you’re closing the door to a potential reconciliation before the weekend, and possibly going to give them more reasons to bully him.

I think you need to keep out of it and by getting involved you have made this a lot worse than it would otherwise have been. It will do your son the world of good to know he can/has to deal with uncomfortable situations without always going to you to sort it for him. Does he wish he had dealt with it differently at the time or is he glad he stormed off home (in his socks) angry to get his mum to sort them out?

"Bullying because of jealousy," is also a very simplistic way to express a situation that is often more complex and two sided. Although you clearly love him to bits and he has had a hard time - are you sure you really ask enough to hear there might be another side to things?

Has he got his phone and shoes back? It's hard to tell from your summary how it actually went down - how did they get his phone, for example? If they pinned him down and took it from his pocket, that's awful and he should draw a line under the friendship. If he got it out to call mummy because he was angry about the shoe prank, and then they snatched it (but have since given it back), that's very different.

I'd leave the booking and if they don't show up, then go in with them. However, the most important thing you have to do is leave your DS to try and sort it out himself.

I feel that unless it's really severe, at 14, they need to figure it out themselves. In my experience getting a parent involved in teen drama makes things worse for the child.

If you don't want to risk him being disappointed with them not turning up I'd politley cancel the escape room and just say you've decided to do something else to celebrate his birthday with the family.

To uninvited them and go ahead with the escape room would make things worse I feel.

A week is a long time in teen world. I bet they are pals by Friday.

I would check in with them the night before. If they don’t reply then cancel in the morning. Good luck escaping 😊

You should not have gotten involved you have escalated things

Think about next monday morning. He goes into school to face:

1 - his friends came in the end and they had fun. they spend the day laughing at their photos

2 - his friends stood him up but he shows some other friends pics of him having a blast there with his brothers/cousins/neighbours (whoever you round up)

3 - everyone knowing that he had his birthday treat cancelled

I would dial back on things, let him see how the wind is blowing by Friday.

Thanks for all your advice...he tripped up and when he was on the floor the pinned him down and took his shoes and phone...it was his 3rd friend who helped him get his shoes and phone back...this friend really wants to stay out of it as he still wants to be friends with the other 2 boys who have stopped talking to him...

They aren't his friends though, are they? Friends don't pin you to the ground, take your belongings and then ignore you.

I agree, any other time he would have walked away until things had blown over but as they are invited Saturday he feels he has to make it right!!

That's rotten Op and must be so hard for you, I'm sorry about your little girl.

They may just have gotten carried away rather than trying to be nasty initially and now feel stupid and don 't want to back down.

If it was me I'd want to do damage limitation and cancel but maybe that's overprotective. Why do kids have to be so mean to each other sometimes.