How to handle teen weight and body issues

[Jammeroo]

Hello

My 13 year old is experiencing body image problems. I've always had weight issues myself and I'm scared of doing the wrong thing and scarring her for life.

She is in her first year at high school and everyone is wearing figure hugging clothes. She is very tall and bigger built but I think is gorgeous. She is really self aware and comparing herself to others. We recently found out that a boy in her class last year would regularly call her fat and say things like should you be eating that at lunch.

I've tried to encourage her to keep healthy and she plays sports twice a week and dances once a week. I was hoping that with all the exercise she does things would balance out naturally and she would feel more confident.

The problem is she has no self regulation when it comes to snacks. The weekly biscuit/snack shop for a family of four for pack lunches and cups of tea etc gets decimated in a couple of days. She does silly things like buying big bags and bars of chocolate or 6 packs of cupcakes and eating it all in one go when given some freedom. She makes herself sick with the amount of crap she eats. As she is in high school and has more freedom we do have as much input into what eats. She is in the house herself after school too. We've tried to have talks about moderation and how too much of one thing, even fruit, would make you sick. That it needs to be balanced but not getting through.

So she is unhappy because of her weight but she is not going to lose weight because she eats so much crap but I can't tell her that because she will think that I'm trying to put her on a diet which would be saying that I think she is fat and I would be a shitty mum. I don't think she needs lose weight. She is beautiful as she is but she doesn't see herself that way and teen fashion she covets doesn' t make her feel good about herself. I want to help her to be happy.

Any helpful advice would be welcome. In an ideal world she would embrace her fuller figure and be body positive but we don't live in that world and she is pretty down about it all.

The problem with treat type food is that it can get so addictive, the more you eat the more you crave so breaking the cycle of highly processed foods is really beneficial.

I know the more weight training/ gym work I do the less I crave junk food but 13 might be too young to start free weights. Pilates is great for using body weight exercises to tone and gain strength so I would see if there is a class near you. Keeping busy/going for a walk etc and drinking enough all help regulate appetite.

I've always told my children the importance of having a strong, functioning, healthy body that you exercise regularly. Body shape is neither here nor there and I don't really bring it up. I do make vegetable heavy meals in the evening (e.g Sheppard's pie , I add a can of green lentils to the meat, add peppers (chopped small), peas, and butternut squash and serve with broccoli or cabbage. ) For breakfast don't really eat cereals usually eggs on seeded brown toast or canned mackerel on toast or Greek yogurt with frozen berries and a plain seed mix on top. Teenage years are so tough and when people are cruel it's heartbreaking, it's just as easy to be kind as it is to be mean. Best wishes to you both 😊

I think you can regulate the snacks without putting her on a diet or talking about weight. Surely just tell her the snacks/biscuits are for everyone and are a week’s supply, she can’t eat them all in one go. I would be really cross if I’d done a weekly shop and one of the kids had eaten all the biscuits. If necessary you could put each person’s ‘supply’ in a Tupperware and let her know that once her share has gone that’s it.

Similarly, it’s just not healthy to eat a six pack of cupcakes in one go. At 13 she is still a child and I think it’s fine to monitor what she is spending her pocket money on.

Is she getting enough food at mealtimes? Can you involve her in the cooking a bit more?

Thanks for your response. I was worried by limiting snacks she would interpret that as a reflection of her weight. Maybe that's my feeling being projected on that.

Mealtimes are tricky as, due to work, on weekdays I'm only there for one mealtime a week. She could help more with meal prep at weekends etc.

I love all the foods you just mentioned but she can be quite picky. She likes veggies but not cooked veggies, hates eggs but does love fruit and Greek yogurt. She actually loves a salad.

Maybe need to find more snacks that are not bread/biscuit based to try and break the craving cycle. It's diffuiicult as I have another daughter who struggles with breakfast resulting in fainting episodes so I buy "nice" breakfast things like brioche and belvita to entice her to eat something on the go.

Thanks for replying.

If you are not there- who monitors her meals? Does she cook herself?

Op i feel sorry fir kids now. Im a serious sugar addict myself and its so tough not to eat the super cheap big bags of sweets and cakes. I mean for a couple of quid you can inhale about 50g of sugar in minutes

This is not a matter of simple willpower. This crap is addictive

Would it work to go in on healthy eating and not mention calories or weight.

So talk to her about sugar...about UPFs. And help her learn to bake low sugar and always have snacks on her that are not sugary

I would remove biscuits and crap completely from the house. As someone said.. sugar is addictive the more you eat the more yiu crave

I have teen DDs and totally get your reluctance, but I think it can be phrased focussing on the fact that you bought enough snacks for everyone and they have to last the week, so it is the same rule for everyone.

Is she cooking her own meals? Or can you batch cook at the weekend and leave her something?

I find my DDs love things like grapes, watermelons, strawberries etc and if I leave a bowl of them washed in the fridge they will get hoovered up!

You could also cut down on buying so many snack items but have a loaf of brown bread- if she has the after school munchies she can fill up on toast and fruit?

I have a similar issue with my DS(12) although his is contributed to by ADHD and impulse control problems.

With my son I always discuss food and weight within the frame of health. We discuss how having a healthy diet can prevent chronic illness in later life and can enhance his performance in sport etc . I had an eating disorder when I was 13 so I'm careful to never tie it to image/attractiveness.

We don't keep any junk food in the house and try and model healthy eating and moderation so take outs are saved for occasional treats and if we fancy some chocolate at the weekend I buy a sharing bar and we all have a couple of squares each.

It's very tough and consistency is key but this approach seems to be working. My son is still classed as overweight but only by a Kg or so where previously I was worried he would end up in the obese category.

You have my sympathy though it's a very tricky topic and one that is very important health wise.

Goes to grandparents twice a week, I'm there once a week and her and her sister are left to their own devices two days a week but dad is usually home between 5.30 and 6.30 depending. The two days they will find something from the freezer and put it in the airfryer or there will be tempura prawns or chicken goujouns and salad in the fridge. Meals, in general, are not too bad. Snacking seems to be the issue.

Meal prep feels like it might be the way and also snack prep too. I usually leave the grapes/strawberries in the box but maybe washing them and making them easier to access might help.

I think you can limit snacks without bringing in weight at all- as a previous poster said, focus on the fact it's unfair if one person eats snacks meant for everyone.

Thank you. It's hitting the messaging at the right tone isn't it? She had reposted a video on tiktok something along the lines of side-eyes at when your mum starts talking about healthy eating. Again, I might be projecting my own hangups on that. She may have just been making a comment about how dinners will be boring.