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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Girls thinking they are unpopular...

11 replies

resipsa · 28/01/2024 19:44

Mine is early teens so just after wise words from those with older children (or their own experience as I have limited recall of my teenage years). Do they all at times think they are unpopular or that no one likes them at all? Mine had had tears about it this weekend but objectively she seems on a 'likeability' and popularity par with her friends. I'm assuming all teens at some time feel this insecurity but maybe some sail through confident about their status. Just curious really as part of my cheer up routine was that everyone feels the same at least some of the time...

OP posts:

Roserunner · 28/01/2024 20:08

My daughter has been like this recently, she's 14. She seems popular to me, has a lovely best friend and is always talking about hanging out with loads of others. She said her best friend wouldn't be friends with her if her other friend lived closer and went to their school. She gets annoyed she has to organise going places as no one else bothers. I think she finds it hard work sometimes. We had tears last weekend as her friends flaked out of plans last minute.

I did remind her that it was her birthday a few weeks back and she did some fun things with several of her friends and even a few that couldn't make it got her some lovely thoughtful presents. I think girls especially go through phases like this, I remember hating secondary school for this reason.

Coatsoff42 · 28/01/2024 20:18

This is probably no help at all, but around here ‘popular’ is a term for chav/high personal maintenance
So I was very much misunderstanding chat about the popular girls for a while there.

LittleMonks11 · 28/01/2024 20:22

Coatsoff42 · 28/01/2024 20:18

This is probably no help at all, but around here ‘popular’ is a term for chav/high personal maintenance
So I was very much misunderstanding chat about the popular girls for a while there.

Me too!!! The teens and teens had to mumsplain it to me!

Original poster

resipsa · 28/01/2024 20:23

@Coatsoff42 I might have misunderstood too! The girls she tells me are popular in her year seem to be self-proclaimed. They are also the ones vaping and drinking with much older boys!

OP posts:

Coatsoff42 · 28/01/2024 20:25

Yeah!!! I was confused how one of the popular girls had moved class because she wasnt getting on with anyone in her old class…

TeenLifeMum · 28/01/2024 20:29

The “popular” girls at my dc school are also known as the “pick me” girls. Dd3 is one apparently and very popular. Dd1 told me this because she said she’s a bit jealous because she’s never been popular but it’s totally natural for dd3 (dd3 is good at reading people and social situations, not as academic as dd1 &2).

dd1 is quiet and an introvert so not “popular” yet when parents are invited into school all the dc in her year say hello - she’s liked just not in their groups. She’s clever and funny so I don’t really know why.

Dd2 is apparently a “nerd” and a bit upset about it because dd3 is so popular (her identical sister). Dd2 is very clever and hard working, keen to do well.

dd1&2 are sticklers for the rules whereas dd3 doesn’t really give a shit. She’s pretty and cute (little for her age - was prem and smallest of the twins). She can do a cute face and get away with murder. I guess it balances out her less academic ability.

parenting 3 girls is hard.

TeenLifeMum · 28/01/2024 20:30

Oh and there’s 2 types of popular -

The naughty ones
the nice ones

FiftyNotNifty · 28/01/2024 20:35

Yes my kids say "popular" with a bit of an edge too it, it doesn't sound complimentary!

TenSheds · 29/01/2024 08:32

Popular at our school indicates top of the social hierarchy, not the best liked - generally the less academic, hard partying crowd, about half the year. DD is similar to the girl above, well liked but not in the popular set, and prefers things that way, away from all the drama. It would be disingenuous to pretend that there are never any DC who aren't well liked for whatever reason, but everyone seems to get over themselves by sixth form and manages to get along even if they don't hang out together.

Travelban · 30/01/2024 12:36

In my experience it's a thing from 13 to about 16 and then it all calms down. Year 9 to year 11 roughly. It's a hard 3 years especially for girls. Sixth form is a lot easier as they mature and start to form less shallow friendships/opinions.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 30/01/2024 12:40

I don't think my dd would have ever described herself as "popular". These days, it doesn't necessarily have positive connotations.

I don't think she has ever felt that nobody likes her or that she hasn't got friends though... she has always been lucky enough to sail through every environment with lots of people around her. I envy that!

I definitely went through phases as a teenager of feeling that nobody liked me. I still don't know to this day whether or not that was true. I did find my people in the end though, if that's any comfort?

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