DS18 won’t keep a job

[DSwontwork]

My DS 18 just won’t keep a job for more than 6-8 weeks. He says he’s bored / it starts to early / doesn’t like the people etc.

He of course likes having money but it doesn’t seem to motivate him. If he has no money he just stays in quite content and watches Netflix.

He has had many jobs from working in retail, hospitality, delivery driver, warehouse etc.

His Dad and I have always worked and have a strong work ethic.

He needs a lot of support with CV writing and job applications which his Dad has always helped him with as well as interviews. We believe he has ADHD but has always refused assessment and intervention.

We don’t charge him any rent as we don’t need the money and he never has any anyway.

Would this bother you or just leave him be?

The rule in our house was that we expected the DC to be in some sort of education, training or employment or otherwise gainfully filling their days (e.g. doing voluntary work, not sitting around watching netflix).

In your position, I'd keep encouraging. And also expect him to take on a lion's share of cooking and housework while he's not doing anything else.

Yes it would.
And it will any employers in the future who will be wondering why his CV is so empty. Because if he puts all his jobs on that he's walked out of, they won't touch him with a bargepole.
Time for some growing up I think.

Of course you can't "leave him be".

O.k. 18 is still young in the grand scheme of things. What else is he doing? Left school?

I'd be taking Netflix away from him. He needs to get into the real world.
Start charging him a nominal rent too. Life ain't free and the sooner he learns that the better.

Depends a bit. Is there a long-term plan? Is he going to be looking for an apprenticeship/going to uni/&c? If so, then I don't think it matters too much if he doesn't work for short periods in the interim. If not, I'd be inclined to say that all adults living in the household not in education or training pay rent and upkeep, and if he isn't going to do it by working then he'll have to do it by claiming benefits. I don't think it does young people any good to be able to hang around doing nothing and contributing nothing.

If you want him to be a freeloader all his life then yes leave him be. If not then you will need to do something about it but what that is im not sure.

In our house - after school, it was university or a job. Non negotiable. Is he doing any voluntary work - food banks, sports clubs for kids etc.
If he is at home all day, is he doing the majority of laundry, cleaning, cooking etc?

You’re enabling him by not charging him rent or making him pay any costs. He’s an adult now, if he’s not going into further education, he needs to start earning and paying his way. If he doesn’t have any bills, and has little social life or direction then why would he work?

Is he in college?
What does he want to do with his life? If he isn't in college, or training, then I would put my foot down, and wouldn't allow it to continue.

I have a DS the same age, who is in full time education, and works one evening a week. I don't charge rent because he's still in college, but he knows that come the summer, the situation will change, and rent will need to be paid.

My friend has a DD who is much older than your DS. She hasn't had a job for over a year, no motivation, does less than the bare minimum of housework, and just lounges about most days, getting up at midday if she pleases.

It infuriates me. Allowing adult DCs to behave like that, contributing nothing to society is terrible parenting, IMO.

So he's tried a few jobs and hasn't found one that's suited him yet. That's great- why would he want to stay in a job he hates for the next 50 years? Yea it's a pain helping him fill out applications, but that's the kind of things parents can do to help their young adult DC.

I wouldn't be taking away Netflix- he's not a naughty child. I would be treating him like a responsible adult asking him to contribute to the household - if he's between jobs by doing things around the house, visiting elderly relatives etc- if he's working then financially (even if it's a token amount). Have high expectations of him and hopefully he eventually rise to them.

It might be worth reading up on ADHD if you haven't already, to gather strategies that might help him .

thanks, yes we have put in strategies to help him manage himself (timers, a tile so he can locate keys, wallet and phone, specific place for specific items etc). I agree about removing Netflix- that really wouldn’t help the situation 😂.

His Dad and I do have high expectations and work hard with his confidence. He’s never out of work for a long period of time, which is good, however the issue is with the fact that he doesn’t seem to want to keep a job.

We do treat him like a responsible adult and he does help out, dog walking, tidying his room, helps his Grandma with the shopping, gives his younger brother a lift to college etc.

I guess his Dad and I need to continue to motivate him and help apply for jobs. I think part of the problem is he has no idea what he wants to do really (I know I certainly didn’t when I was 18!). Also his Dad and I are self employed/ freelancers and he sees the flexibility we have with our jobs. On the one hand I think he needs that routine of set days and hours, but on the other hand he doesn’t enjoy ‘conforming’ to rules. Maybe when he’s a little older he should work for himself.

It sounds like he's going to have to try a few things until he finds something he enjoys enough not to quit. Would he like something like Camp America, for example, while he figures life out?