Have a 17yrs old doing leaving Cert. Since he went into 5th year, his behavior and attitudes has gotten very bad. His grades are very bad, refused to do any school work, misbehave in the class and is rude to the teachers. Previously I have spoken with the teachers and they all say the same thing about him, that he is a lovely lad, is bright and will do well if he just focus on his schoolwork but the problem is his behavior. One teacher said he's acting like that to impress his friends. He wasn't always like that in the 1st few school years, he's no angel at times and can have an attitude, but he would do his schoolwork and was getting good grades. There was never a complaint about him then.
It's when he skipped 4th year and went into 5th, (optional in school) and made new friends, he changed and he has gotten worse in 6th year. He has been in detention a few times. I have tried to talk to him at several times but he's impossible to talk to, refuses to listen and always tells me to f off. He hates it if whether it's a teacher or me confronts him, he won't listen and keeps shouting back. I do punish him by taking away his phone or Xbox. He gets them back after a few days when he apologizes and does his homework. But it is a constant circle cos it keeps happening
Today I got a phone call from the principal about my son's behavior, no homework done, was extremely rude to a teacher and was told to go the office which he didn't do, he just went into another empty room and sat on a chair until the bell rang. Now my son will have to do more detention and if his behavior continued, he will be suspended. When I tried to talk to him, he actually lashed out to the point that he was extremely upset, crying, calling alot of inappropriate names for teachers and me. He said he didn't want to live anymore, wished he was dead, whats the point of living etc. I was very shocked and it was very upsetting to hear him say that.
The thing is when he's at home on weekends and holidays, he's grand except with an odd few outbursts. He does few jobs for me at home or he go working with his father which he gets paid. He goes to a gym, plays football and soccer with no problem. He rarely goes out and if he does, he just have a few drinks. He's usually a happy funny lad.
It's when he has school and with his classmates, he acts up.
In hindsight I wished he did 4th year and he would still be with his old friends. It is my fault to let him skip 4th and he didn't object to it. I have 2 older kids and they also skipped 4th year and they did fine.
When his behavior changed from 5th year on, I had suspicion that there was something going on with some of his new friends in school. The 1st one was when he went out with a group of lads from his class, to go to a pub for his 1st time, he was very drunk. And the next time he met up with them, I had told him not to be drinking alcohol as he was underage and to drink coke etc. His reply was, he couldn't drink coke as his friends would be laughing at him and they won't be friends with him. I told him, if they were true friends, they wouldn't act like that, in fact they would look out for each other. They was also more things that was happening and they do have an inappropriate nicknames cos of his size. He hates it. He is a big tall lad, built like a rugby player. He use to be chubby when he was young.
I fear he's acting up in school just to show off, big tough guy just to impress his friends just like 1 teacher had said. Is it peer pressure? But his actions about feeling suicidal today absolutely shocked me and I will have to do something to help him
I also would like to add this. I had cancer 5 yrs ago and I was very sick but thankfully I have recovered and doing well
When I was sick and on treatment, it had affected terribly on my family especially my son, he was only 12 years old. While my oldest 2 had friends calling and keeping in touch, my son didn't. He and his dad had asked his friends and their parents about meeting up, it never happened. He spent alot of time in his room on the Xbox. My 2 oldest kids went for counselling but he didn't and refused to go. Sometimes I do feel guilty that this has happened to all my kids and at times I do wonder is it partly why he's acting up like this now as he basically had no one that time, he was just left there to deal with it by himself
I think he does needs therapy or counselling
Can anyone advise me what to do? I don't know what to do
From a very worried scared mom
P.S sorry for the long rambling post.