Lonely teen daughter

[Delilah418]

My daughter will be 18 and has never had a boyfriend. She's pretty, polite and the kindest person I've ever met. She shy and doesn't talk to boys much. She depressed and her self esteem is taking a huge hit because of this. She's never even been asked to a dance or on a date. She gets ghosted. My heart is broken for her. Should I try a therapist? Wait it out? I've tried having all the talks with her about not needed a boy to make you happy. But it's hard when all your friends have or had a boyfriend. Please help!!😪

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She's 18 she got her whole life ahead of her for relationships.why do you want to push her into a relationship you seem quite obsessed about her having a relationship.

I'd just concentrate on her having more female friends she got her whole life for relationships

Thank you but I'm not obsessed. She has watched her friends get asked out to dances, proms and dates for years. Is there someone wrong with her that she wants that too? It makes my daughter sad and she feels bad about herself that she's never been asked. In turn, that hurts my heart. She has plenty of friends and has a job with friends there. That's not the problem.

Yes it is hard. I didn't have a boyfriend till I was 21, and there's still part of me (now early 50s) that wonders what was wrong with me at 6th form/uni that no one wanted me. (It didn't help that my mother was clearly waiting for me to finish A-levels and move out - at least she shouldn't feel unwanted by her own family as well.)

It did mean I got on with things, sports, travelling, evening classes. That won't be of any consolation to her now, but she might appreciate it more when she's older, if she gets on with things.

Is she in a mixed school? Does she socialise with her female friends ? In person, not just via phones? Is she involved in any clubs/activities? Do you live in town? (I was rural, which was a complicating factor, as it did limit some opportunities to meet people.)

For now, I would try waiting it out, focus on studies, etc - there's still the option of therapy later.

Thank you. Yes she has alot of female friends that she sees a good bit. Alot of them are busy with boyfriends tho. She also has a job. Her dad left when she was 5 and I think it's hard for her to communicate with boys. I'm a single mom and she's my only child. I hang out with her as much as possible and we have alot of "girls" days together. I know she wants more than just hanging with her mom. I feel bad that she feels unlovable. She's a really good girl and a guy would be lucky to have her.

Increase her exposure to lads of that age. Volunteering perhaps? Church groups? Is she getting attention from lads she doesn’t like particularly, or no attention at all?
I can see that she must be feeling’left out’, and I’m sure you’re making all the right supportive comments.
it will pass, and you’ll be on here asking about first heartbreaks 💐

If she doesn’t talk to or hang out with boys much then surely it’s not a surprise that she has never been asked out? There’s nothing wrong with that but if she’s actively seeking out a relationship then she has to put herself out there one way or another. I do think that she’s placing far too much importance on it though, and you seem to be encouraging it. Far more to life than boyfriends! If she has a good group of girly friends then that’s all you really need.

I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 18 and boys showed very little interest in me.

I have friends who are 24 and have never had a boyfriend.

If she wants a boyfriend she needs to get out there.

A friend of my DS's was complaining recently about not having a girlfriend as as my DS said -

You don't talk to the girls at work and at the weekends you either spend time with your family or play tennis with your (male) friends.

You need to get out there!

My daughter is in the same situation OP. She has plenty of female friends, does a variety of sports and has a part time job so she is not hiding herself away at home. It didn't bother her until she started at sixth form as now most of her close friends also have boyfriends. It has affected her self-esteem as she goes around saying she is "ugly"(she isn't). It is very sad to see and, however much we try and boost her self-confidence in other ways, it still comes back to her feeling there is something "wrong" with her which, of course, there isn't.

Perhaps therapy would be beneficial for her....

Especially since you said she feels unlovable because she doesn't have a boyfriend....
This can lead to her looking for love in all the wrong places...
and possibly looking for a father figure in guys.

There's nothing wrong with her wanting a boyfriend, but she needs to recognize and be aware that she can have a and lead a fulfilling life without one. She needs to experience more of life without one. She needs to know that it's okay to be single in a friend group who most have boyfriends..that she shouldn't get a boyfriend because of peer pressure and wanting to fit in. She also has to put effort into finding one and maintaining a relationship.

She's 18, I hope she has goals, and are working, and working towards them.