Hi, I'm in need of the collective wit and wisdom of the Mumsnet massive!
A year ago, my 14yo son became friends with an outgoing group of friends. One female, the rest male. All spoke about having ADHD and Autism.
My son and the girl became close and hung out together at their respective homes and together as part of the wider group. At various points we had the whole group in our house, treated them to take-outs and took them out for his birthday.
We were pleased for our son, he'd only just started high school when covid put a stop to his social life and missed a lot of chances to be independent.
May '23 he became upset one evening. The whole group had turned against him and there was massive fall-out, lots of tears and frustration. We reported it to school so they could keep an eye out, but essentially we encouraged him to make a clean break. It was heartbreaking, and when it turned nasty online, he blocked everyone.
His explanation was that the others were very vocal about their issues and the ensuing problems. He offered support to them, but when he brought up his own anxieties they accused him of attention seeking. Basically, that he was creepy and should seek professional help.
It transpired he had exaggerated his problems because he thought it would make him seem more cool.
We reported the online issues and some of the group were 'spoken to'.
A couple of weeks later, he was 'spoken to' by school and they fed back to me that he'd actually sent some very graphic messages to the girl and had indeed made her feel uncomfortable.
He admitted that he was trying to impress her, talking about wanking and other less 'wholesome' sexual activities.
It made sense, at last, why the sudden fall-out and we took careful steps to reiterate to him safe sex and healthy relationships. It was a total cringe-fest for him but we felt it was necessary to be really frank! It was also a lesson in not putting anything even remotely incriminating online.
For the rest of the school year, all was well, he started to form new friendships and although he was grieving for the loss of his original friends and the fun they'd had, he was moving on.
On the second day back in Sept, everyone in his year group had been forwarded messages, identifying him and doctored to make him seem like a paedophile.
We found out, (from school) that the girl didn't feel as though he'd been disciplined enough so took matters into her own hands. Two of the lads from the group seemed to be the ones who actually sent the messages out. There were 54 of them.
Naturally, his world fell apart. Everyone disowned him and believed him to be a sexual deviant. He was called paedo and nonce everywhere he turned, a group of further teens threatened to come and egg and flour our house. We got ahead and informed the police, of course it was all bluster and flexing but the police were sympathetic and gave us a crime number.
It basically hasn't stopped. He is still called paedo daily, has no friends, doesn't have a social life (his grades have improved!) but I'm lost as to how to stop it.
We've worked with school, followed their behaviour policy, challenged them when it initially wasn't working and have had our concerns upheld.
Yes: he brought this on himself
No: he didn't deserve to have his name dragged through the mud
Yet...it's still happening every day.
I still have the parents contacts in my phone but I've resisted taking matters into my own hands, done everything by the book, and made sure not to make things worse.
He came home from school today and the younger brother ( and a group) of one of the original friends started taunting him.
"I love you"
"I want to hold your hand"
"If you don't talk to me, I'll shit on your bag"
All in a sarky tone.
School have been making culprits sign a non-communication agreement, basically saying they won't talk to him but it's not worth the paper it's written on.
What on earth can I do? Do I just focus on bolstering his mental health and hope the day he can leave comes quickly or is there some other clever strategy I could use? Should I be expecting more from school? What a mess!