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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Changes in behaviour since secondary

4 replies

Painalloverallthetime · 18/01/2024 12:23

I'm so stressed at the moment. My daughter started secondary in September and she's changed in many ways. She has had friendship group issues and recently been caught in a threes a crowd situation so struggling to find her place and a close friend. She's getting in trouble a lot for trivial things like having an attitude towards the teacher or being late to a lesson.

Today the school have phoned to say she's been caught skipping lesson with a group of 5 others. She actually told me at the beginning of the week that this was being planned and she was worried about going to school as she didn't know how to say no to it. I told her to make something up and blame it on me like she can't as her mum will be mad etc.

Honestly since that conversation there's been other friend dramas and I'd forgotten about it until today when the school phoned me. I'm at a loss as to how I can help. I'm so stressed and worried about her being at that school but I don't think it would be different at another school. I can't concentrate on work with all this going on and I'm dreading what's coming next all the time.

Any advice on how I can support her? I've got her pastoral care at the school which she's had one session of so far this week but she needs more support. I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Sunflower8848 · 18/01/2024 14:44

Sounds like she’s got caught up in a bad crowd. Could she move classes?

Painalloverallthetime · 18/01/2024 15:30

They move classes for every lesson so always with different people. I think the pressure to act older is a factor and the changing of friendships means she doesn't have anyone she's really close to. How can I help her with that?

OP posts:
Hye000 · 22/01/2024 11:07

It’s still early days really. They only started in September and have already had two half term breaks so not really much time to settle, I’ve heard from others on MN that friendships tend to swap & change with everyone until about Year 9 when they settle down a little. Not much help you can give her with regards to making friends, she needs to find her people in good time. I’d be cracking down on your parenting so she is more worried about what you will say or do than what her “friends” will say otherwise it will be smoking & stealing etc next!

cansu · 22/01/2024 18:19

She needs to find friends who behave well and not those who skip lessons. I would talk to her about the consequences of choosing the wrong friendship group and encourage her to either distance herself from this group or be her own person who owns her own decisions. She could have gone to her class but she didn't.

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