17 year old vaping. What would you do?

[BattyOwl]

Found out my 17 year old is vaping and I'm not particularly happy about it.

He's not a bad kid and doesn't give me any trouble really. Doing A levels, has a part time job, he's relatively sensible and we have a very good relationship where he tells me most things - and he's made no secret about this tbh!

All I've done is told him I'm unhappy about it, that it's a mugs game and that I don't appreciate him having a crafty drag in his bedroom, hiding it under the covers as I came in. I've said I don't want it in the house and that I'm disappointed with what he's doing.

Just leave it at that? I know he's 17 and it's not like discovering a 12 year old doing it but I don't like it and have had to vocalise that. Because I'd be a pretty poor parent of if I didn't.

And now? Ignore it after making my feelings clear? What would you do?

All I can do is suppose! Anything else strays into a lecture and that'll be a sure fire way to make it even more enticing!

And just in case anyone dissects my post .. I didn't barge in his room unannounced! He'd asked if I bring his rucksack up next time I came upstairs so he was well aware I was coming in his room - plus I always tap on the door too

The overwhelmingly hit of authentic cherry shite somewhat gave me a clue as I opened the door

At 17 I really don’t think there’s much you can do about it. No matter what you do/say he’ll probably just find ways of hiding it. He’s old enough to make his own decisions, however stupid they may be!

I'd talk to him about why I don't like him doing it, but beyond that I wouldn't "do" anything. You could tell him he's not allowed to do it in your house, but I wouldn't personally. He's too old to be told what he can and can't do, and at this age I would prioritise keeping the lines of communication open and having him comfortable in his own home.

@MaloneMeadow yep I hear you and that's about the long and short of it.

Not much you can do, but I wouldn't let it happen in the house. That's disrespectful.

@sprigatito ha yes - he's certainly comfortable in his own homes that's for sure! Christ I'd never have had the nerve to try and get this past my mum

I won't say anything more because it just becomes noise otherwise.

I would just say you prefer he didn't vape in.the house or in your company and leave it at that.

And our relationship is decent I d say. Hes a very typical teen (we are already having to navigate the whole alcohol thing ) but he tells me an awful lot and it's always been drummed into him that no matter what's he done or how bad he thinks it is, he's to let me know and we can always sort it.

So he does. Maybe this has led to him thinking ' ohhh I'll
Have a few puffs if I fancy it!'

And although it's very difficult, I sometimes find better results with a deliberate under-reaction. Hard though that is

I was brought up in an over reacting household (lovely though my parents were!) so I always try and model patience and understanding

Maybe I'm a bloody mug

If he is puffing away in his room, he could be addicted, so if I were you I would have a non-judgmental chat with him to establish the extent of his habit and make it clear that if he feels so dependent upon the vapes that the habit is interfering with his health, studies etc then you are willing to help him.

I would also set a boundary that it shouldn't be done in the house too.

Other than that, there's probably not much that can be done. There is a good Panorama documentary about teenage vaping, maybe suggest he watches that too.

I have been there with my younger son and I took the above approach along with the threat of consequences if he was caught, which I followed through on. He was 14 so slightly different. He seems to have reached his own conclusion that it is not for him and it was hopefully a phase. Buy they are everywhere in teen life!

My DD also vapes occasionally (she’s told me). Like you I really don’t like it, but there’s not much I can do about it. With her tends to be at parties. Never at home and have never found her with one. Also parties were a big thing during year 12, but the novelty has worn off in year 13, particularly in the midst of mocks and upcoming A levels. She has a part time job too, but we pay for her phone and I pay for her gym membership. Not much I can do about her using them if they’re going around at parties, and I appreciate her being honest about it, but have said I’m not bloody funding it so they moment I discover that she’s been buying them the financial assistance stops.

Well, we had a peculiar thing happen about 3 days ago.

He came in my room with two vapes that he's destroyed and said he had a present for me and dropped them on the bed. I jokingly said ' decided to take up smoking instead have you?' and he just said he'd decided to not do it anymore because he didn't want to own a vape so would I put them in the bin for him

So I just said well done for being honest with me and I appreciated how sensible he was and that I was proud of his decision making (he's always liked a bit of praise!) and that was that.

I've no doubt whatsoever that we will be on to the next thing at some point but the bedroom vaping seems to have been knocked on the head for now