How to get boys to do homework / revision

[mickey54]

Hi I’m all I’m really struggling at times with twin 15 year old boys.
for the most part they are good boys, no out of control behaviour or vaping / drinking but how do I get them to realise how important it is to do their homework and revise for tests. GCSES next year. They are only interested in x box, going out with friends and playing football.
I have tried to drum in to them importance of the work. They will either do the minimal to get by and then ask to go out. They are both bright but just not putting any effort in.
i have said they can’t go out, threatened removal of x box. Bribed then for good grades, tried everything and I can’t give them the motivation. Any tips to combat this ? Thanks
it seems it a fairly common issue with boys I believe,

I have all boys, one of whom is at secondary. Not sure boys are worse than girls? Mine do little and often. Primary aged ones do about fifteen minutes a day so spelling/timetables/reading older one does about twenty mins/half an hour of either set homework or various worksheets or apps set for science/maths etc. I do expect him to read each day even if it’s just a chapter. I find little bits are easier to manage instead of leaving it all to the weekend and then everyone dreading it. It’s become a routine over the years.

Have you sat down and done it with them? Quizzed them using their revision cards?
Bought some A3 paper and nice pens for mind maps
A mini guillotine and coloured card to make (A7 fits in a blazer pocket)revision cards.

Revision is a lonely experience, you being involved helps them

I paid my son NMW £5per hour to revise for his GSCEs. There were other reasons at play for me motivating him this way but it worked really well. He did clean me out though and also smashed his predicted grades and did much better than expected. Worth it!

Ours was always reluctant but we set up good habits the moment he started secondary school, making him do his homework after tea and before he could go play on the console. It became a routine. We were also always "on top" of his homework, i.e. checking his homework diary and then once they'd gone online, logging into his "show my homework" account so we knew what homework he had and made sure he kept on top of it.

By the time he'd hit years 10 and 11, it was just "automatic" for him to do his homework before "fun" time, and all we needed to do was gentle "prodding" to get him started.

I think having it as a trigger after we'd sat down for tea helped create the habit/routine, so there was less of a "push back" when he started to lose interest and wanting to do other things instead - he know he was "free" after we'd had our tea and he'd done his hour or two of homework.

With ds it was several discussions over several weeks guiding him on what type of job/lifestyle he wanted in the future and the kind of grades he would need to achieve to get that lifestyle that finally made him amenable to advice on studying.

We talked about what friends wanted to do after school, were any going to college/uni. How he would feel if friends went off to uni got decent careers and could afford a lifestyle he couldn't. Had he thought about going to uni, I ordered and looked at some uni prospectuses with him and the types of courses on offer and the grades needed, how even if he wasn't sure what he wanted to do decent grades would keep more doors open etc.

Explained that study will be hard work, but it was also import to put in time to relax and unwind, so all it meant was instead of spending 6 hours a night on the xbox it would be 3 hours studying and 3 hours on the xbox which was ok! (exaggerating a bit, he wasn't on that long!).

So more carrot than stick really to get him to really understand the importance to him, not to me because it isn't my future. I stayed well away from bribery, as as I said it is for his future not mine. Once he understood he appreciated the stick support to study more.

Another issue for ds was at 15 for his first formal exams (NAT5 in Scotland) he didn't know HOW to study, so we spent some time on that too and it gave him the direction he needed to get started with it all, think he was a bit lost in the beginning but soon got into a routine once he knew what to do.

In my opinion it's a case of partly knowing your child now, and partly optimistically giving them the chance to show what they can do independently.
So a very fine line between, letting them have an amount of independence and control over their own choices and also hopefully not letting that choice be so drastic as to not enable them to do what they want afterwards.

So I'd prioritise his autonomy and self determination over pushing for the highest possible grade, unless this would lead to shutting doors that he may wish to open in the future. In that case I would try hard to make him understand this, offer help, bribe with money/ some incentive, but ultimately acknowledge that at this stage, you can't force someone to study when they don't want to, so accept the situation for what it is.

@Singleandproud hi yes I have printed work off and gone through it with them but I wasn’t sure that was the right thing to do as they need to be independent def a fine line!

With both of mine, I found that once I "gave up", backed right off and left them to pass or fail on their own efforts, things improved a lot. Neither did as well as they should have done, but they did better than they would have done if we'd continued fighting over it.

It wasn't easy to do mind 😆

Doing it for him and sitting down and doing it with him are two different things. Even if you are both just sat at the table together doing different things. Lots of people don't revise well from just reading what they've written so using different techniques is important. Getting him to correct your incorrect answers or explaining why you are wrong and explaining content to you is useful.

With ds I helped him learn study techniques (school didn't do much) and organisation/planning. I marked some past papers for him and helped him understanding exam technique and how not to lose marks with silly mistakes.

If he was struggling with a topic I was a sounding board and helped with problems solving techniques - lets check in this revision guide, lets try youtube, lets try the internet, show me what you are doing - sometimes even talking it through/trying to explain it to someone who doesn't know what they are talking about prompts them to try something else. The more we did that the better he became at trying to find solutions himself.

It tried my best to not get involved in the actual work! (too hard for me and I can't remember most of it from 30 years ago!)

Teach them how to use revision cards if that is their preferred method, but also teach them about creating their own - having to think what to put on the card, actually writing it down with a pencil, and then using the cards by yourself with spaced repetition massively aids the recall they need (not just recognition). I've linked a couple of youtube videos below that I found really helpful to watch myself, then get ds to watch (taking notes on each technique) and then we talked about together.

imo it is not a bad thing to get involved at GCSE/NAT5 level as long as you are not doing it for them and you are more importantly teaching them the study, organisation and problem solving techniques that will enable them to be independent at A Levels/Highers.

@Singleandproud thanks some really good tips 👍👍👍

@Pinkelephant26 that’s a really good idea thank you 🙏

@Kazzyhoward i do always say homework before going out but it’s such a battle every day. That said after a fuss tonight one has finally done some homework for a test and the other is part way through. It’s so tiring !!! X

@applepiesain thanks a lot. Yes I’ve tried not to pressure them about any high grades more they try their best and get as good as they can. Def hard going ..

@Greekrunner contemplated this as well but worried the results might be terrible ☹️!!

I gave up eventually at GCSE level, the constant nagging wore me out. Result was he did nowhere near as well as he could have done. No one was as disappointed as himself!!! Come A Levels he's revising like mad and is so focused, I do think it has to come from within and hopefully not too late.

I took the Xbox away during the week and told them they could only have it at weekends if they study first.
Xbox should not be their priority. It's for leisure time.
Dc1 said in hindsight, he's glad I did it and he would've got better grades if I'd taken it away at weekends too!
Dc2's turn now.

@Draconis thank you 🙏 I have considered this actually so good idea x