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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Getting ready for school

21 replies

savethatkitty · 13/01/2024 01:26

Hi All

Looking for opinions. Have DD 12 & DD 17

Should they be able to set an alarm on phone to get up on school days & get themselves to bus stop?

Or, should I be waking up at an ungodly hour to make sure they get up & ensure they leave home to catch the bus in time?

Part of me thinks they need independence, but happy to hear thoughts.

OP posts:
MaloneMeadow · 13/01/2024 01:29

For the 12 year old it’s 50/50, at that age I still would’ve gone into DD’s room to wake her up but the 17 year old should most definitely be able to manage things by herself.

Meadowfinch · 13/01/2024 01:34

I've tried leaving it to my ds and he'd be late for school every day. He sleeps like the dead and alarms don't wake him. It doesn't matter how early he goes to bed.

So I get up first, shake him awake, leave him to shower & dress, while I make toast. Then I keep chasing him, until he leaves the house on time.

As a kid I was the same. I could sleep for England and was always in detention which was a nightmare. I remember being exhausted and befuddled. My dm refused to help. I didn't get to a normal sleep pattern until 22 or 23. So I have some sympathy.

NoTouch · 13/01/2024 01:36

Assuming you have raised your 17 year old with the skills, work ethic and a sense of personal responsibility needed to be independent and practised with her when younger, yes of course she should be able to get herself up and out.

The 12 year old would still be a work in progress.

Why wouldn't you be up and about mid week at school times, most families do for their children, do you work awkward shifts?

Safxxx · 13/01/2024 02:06

My 15 yr old and 12yr old got alarms...but I still go and give them a shout to get out of bed...other times they're up without a problem...I'm up regardless..as I have to drive one to school whilst the other one goes walking by himself after I leave. If your home then yes I think you should be up at that time to make sure they're up and get ready and leave on time.

fatandhappy47 · 13/01/2024 03:38

Still get mine up (15 and 16)

Also make sure they have breakfast available

WASZPy · 13/01/2024 08:58

Are you saying you want to stay in bed and not see them before school?

Alphyn · 13/01/2024 20:41

My DD is almost 12 now - I set the alarm clock for her and put out her uniform ready for the morning but other than that, she wakes up on her own, gets ready, has her breakfast cereal and leaves on time. My main contribution is to check the app for when the next bus is arriving and I’m hoping to teach her how to check it herself!

At 17, your older daughter really shouldn’t be relying on you to wake her up….

RitzyMcFee · 13/01/2024 20:46

Mine got up with their own alarms. I would be downstairs getting my own breakfast, making some tea etc.

I make DD's lunch if I'm making my own and she does it herself if I'm not making one.

TeenDivided · 14/01/2024 17:34

For the 12yo def not alarm on phone, as that means having phone in room overnight. I'd go for cheap alarm clock.

familyissues12345 · 14/01/2024 17:40

My 15 yr old still needs support, but he has a few learning difficulties so is more like a 9/10 yr old when it comes to time keeping/organisation.

When my eldest was 15 he sorted himself out totally, he had to be out early for the bus (diff school to DS2), and was more than capable to do it

twistyizzy · 15/01/2024 12:15

DD 12 Yr 7. For first term we woke her up, sorted her breakfast etc. Now she is in 2md term she has an alarm clock and is responsible for getting herself up. DH generally makes her breakfast at same time as his own but everything else she has to do herself.
I will remind her about water bottle and ask if she has sports etc that day but next term I will probably stop prompting her altogether.

Comedycook · 15/01/2024 12:17

Whats an ungodly hour and what's your own situation? Are you working? Are you at home? Is there any reason why you couldn't get up early?

idontlikealdi · 15/01/2024 12:18

DTs are 12 and in Y8. They set their own alarms and get up ridiculously early to fit in all the skincare that needs to be done before school. I get up at 7, remind them to remember everything they need which they are pretty good at to be fair and see them out of the door. They get their own breakfasts. They have Alexa set for an alarm

PuttingDownRoots · 15/01/2024 12:19

My 12yo and 10yos are capable of getting up with their alarms, making breakfast, getting dressed and packing bags. We have a reminder set for DD2 to leave for school as shes often ready 20mins to 30 mins before then reads.

But I'm up with them, helping as necessary etc.

TokyoSushi · 15/01/2024 12:20

17, yes completely independent.

12 year old could probably do it themselves but might need a bit of a hand, reminding to do/take something, plus it's just a nice thing for you to get up and see them out for the day.

EweCee · 15/01/2024 12:21

I remind my 11yo the night before to pack her school bag and get uniform out; she then gets herself up and if I am at home, I put breakfast out and remind to take vitamins but she sorts herself out for the rest (and all if I’ve already left early for work)

Chanhedforthis · 15/01/2024 12:26

My teenager has been getting herself up ready and off to school independently since she started y7, shes also autistic.

I ensure she has bag packed night before, she sets her own alarm etc.

ObliviousCoalmine · 15/01/2024 13:31

I remind my 13 year old to set her alarm when I say good night, and I text her when my alarm goes off (her communication preference first thing in the morning, I've no issue with it) to make sure she's up. Maybe one in every ten times she's drifted back off and I'll go in and wake her up.

I'll also thrust some sort of sustenance at her on the way out the door.

Yes, I could let her get on with it totally independently. Do I want her to? Probably not, I don't mind being around checking in.

BoohooWoohoo · 15/01/2024 13:35

I have a 17 year old son with ADHD

At 12 he needed support but is fine since year 11.

BoohooWoohoo · 15/01/2024 13:36

Is your 17yo off to uni soon? He needs to be able to get up and out of the house without you.
If he’s not going to uni, do you plan to get him up
for work?

reluctantbrit · 15/01/2024 20:54

Unless you are coming in from a late shift and need sleep I think it's part of being a parent to get up and see your children in the morning.

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