I suspect my DD is Self Harming and making herself sick

[Mumoftwoandcats]

I can’t be certain, I just have suspicions and Mums gut intuition. I caught a glimpse of something she’d written which makes me think she is SH, and I am sure I heard her vomiting last night. She’s becoming increasingly obsessed with the gym, and eating, or the lack of it….Shes about to sit her final exams at school, and waiting to hear if she’s got into Uni. I’m worried sick, but I don’t know how to approach it with her, without her backing off from me completely. We’ve always had what I thought was a good relationship, and I’d hope she’d open up to me about worries, but she’s definitely a lot more guarded than before. Any help welcome. TIA.

What a worry. That sounds really tough for you. And, of course, for your daughter.

You may well have already seen this, but just in case not and it's useful:
https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-a-z-mental-health-guide/self-harm/#Signsayoungpersonisselfharming

They also run a phone helpline for parents (with an online option):

"We support parents and carers who are concerned about their child or young person's mental health. Our Parents Helpline provides detailed advice and information, emotional support and signposting.

"You can speak to us over the phone or chat to us online.
You can speak to us over webchat between 9.30am and 4pm from Monday-Friday.

When we’re closed, you can still leave us a message in the chat. We’ll reply to you by email in 3-5 working days.

"Opening times:
9.30am-4pm, Monday-Friday
802 5544 0808 802 5544 "

Best of luck. Really hope you can find something which helps.

That's very helpful, thank you so much.

This was me and I really really wish my Mum had said something and taken it seriously far sooner than she did so please say something to her.

I would mention that you've noticed but don't focus on the symptoms too much (SH and vomiting).

Instead ask her how she's feeling and try to encourage her to talk about what is going on to drive the behaviour.

For me it was a massive perceived pressure to succeed / be perfect and that I felt out of control in life. Friendship issues struck deep at that age and I wanted to do something I could control / feel better about myself. So losing weight / restricting told myself the lie that it made me better / stronger than other people as I had more control than them.

That's just me though - but at the beginning it was very little to do with actual food. However once the illness takes hold it is increasingly hard to reset the behaviours as well as the thinking behind it.

Can you afford to get her some counselling?

I'm sorry to hear you had to go through all of that, and hope you got the help you needed. I will take your advice on board. I would definitely get her any help she needs, but I shouldn't actually know any of it, it's how to broach the subject with her that's an issue just now. I hope to try and spend some time with her over the weekend and have some chats with her. Thanks.