Dealing with stubborn behaviour.. advice please?

[YuleDragon]

DD is nearly 15, she has adhd. she is also stubborn as a damn mule.

There have been increasing occasions where i've asked her to do stuff, either at home or things she needs to do for school, and she has just point blank refused.. absolutely heels dug in, will not be budged.

I've tried talking/reasoning it out with her. I've tried carrot/stick, i've tried punishing... but NOTHING will work when she gets like this,

while i'm very much a 'chose the hill to die on carefully' kind of parent, this is something i 'need' to win on because she needs to appreciate we all have to do things we don't want to, and i feel if i back down and let her win, she will learn she can keep doing this.

Can anyone offer advice/ideas on how to work around this?

What are some examples of things that she won’t do? If it’s specifically things just to do with herself like schoolwork, organisation, uniform, tidy room etc then honestly I’d just leave her to it and let her learn through her own mistakes. DD was the same at that age and the more I asked the more she dug her heels in, and then specifically wouldn’t do anything at all that she knew I wanted of her for fear of pleasing me… The best way of dealing with it is just ignoring it and letting actions (or lack of) have consequences

change the wifi password

I have been tempted several times to switch off the WiFi...
My husband reassures me the teens will promptly use their data as a hotspot and carry on without a care in the world!

I have been tempted several times to switch off the WiFi...
My husband reassures me the teens will promptly use their data as a hotspot and carry on without a care in the world!

Are they on a contract with unlimited data? Maybe time to change that too.

Hi OP.
Same here with DS. Adhd and on meds. does your DD take any medication ? I find DS much more maliable once he's had a pill.

The thing with adhd is that they need control. They're also emotionally behind their peers, so I keep that in mind when negotiating.

I find ds responds better when I use the word "I" instead of "you".
"I need the school uniform in the wash basket," instead of "you need to put the uniform in the wash basket"

the word YOU is too accusatory. The word I taps into their self absorbed ego centric behavior.

Not always a success but definitely a help. I'm a teacher and I use this all the time.

Good luck. It's hard work.