we found out last week DS is self harming. I suspect is it surface cuts only and it’s quite early days, and he has a therapist in place for gender identity issues/gender dysphoria already who has been very helpful to us and to him. We are now doing a daily emotion wheel check in and have removed potential harmful objects and given him lots of options to find other ways of getting the release he needs.
I’m really struggling as I SH as a teen (and sometimes as an adult) and this was my biggest fear of having teenagers, that they would do the same. I eventually attempted suicide and while I know this js not an inevitable consequence of SH it makes me so scared and worried. Having spent the last year doing my best to learn how to just support my child and not project on him or try to save teenage me through him, this is a new turning point that is so so hard.
additionally - from the outside you would NEVER know. He is relaxed and happy and chilled and loves school and works hard, has lots of friends and involved in lots of activities. I think for him the SH is coming from not being able to find words for big feelings (his therapist has suggested it might be worth seeking ASD diagnosis, which has been suggested to us before) whereas mine came from intense self hatred - but considering his gender crisis I do think it’s all tied up in that and just very worried we’re dealing with that issue in completely the wrong way and now he’s SH because of it.
the trouble is that description utterly fits me as a teenager too - from the outside I was happy, outgoing, sociable, academic, motivated etc but I was self medicating with illegal drugs and SH for years before anyone knew.
if there are other parents of SH teens out there who struggled with it themselves I would love to hear from you. It all feels very isolating, scary, and to be honest triggering. I’m avoiding the triggers by eating my feelings which isn’t ultimately healthy for my own self worth!!