Teen daughters many behaviour issues! Help!

[Mumto2fornow]

Hello I joined this forum because I’m stuck as to how to help my 13 year old daughter. Firstly her hygiene is poor she regularly does not brush her teeth or bath using soap, if I am not around to hassle her about she won’t bath at all (I thank goodness she hasn’t started her period). She also almost never cleans up after herself, her room is often dirty not messy, DIRTY!

she does not study she has a reading age of eight, both I and her school have tried to encourage a study routine, the moment she is left to stick to this routine independently she won’t do it.

I have caught her three times now either watching porn, trying to watch it or reading pornographic material, all electronic devices have been removed from her but I worry about when I’m not watching her!

There is more but I can’t write on forever she takes absolutely no responsibility for her behaviour and consequences barely faze her . PLEASE HELP!!!

oh this sounds really tough for you and your girl.

i know it’s the first thing people say but have you considered an autism or adhd diagnosis, there can be sensory issues re washing and/or with executive function which can affect self-care or managing her room.

how does she like school? Does she have friends? You say she has trouble reading but are there subjects she enjoys more? Maths, art, music, drama??

the porn stuff is worrying but some curiosity is natural, could you talk to her about it rather than just remove her devices??

I was going to mention SEN like the above poster. She sounds like she is definitely showing some autistic traits

She is on the SEN register at school as she struggles so much she’s a talented artist but does pay much attention to it. She has friends but does really stick to a single group. I understand and have spoken to her about sex. All four times I have caught her looking at pornographic material she denies she even knew what she was looking at.
i do suspect she may be neurodivergent, will follow up.

Oh best of luck!! Dd is 15 with autism, ADHD and anxiety and some of what you describe is quite similar, esp the room and self-care.

It has improved a little as she has got older and meds have also helped reduce the anxiety and concentrate more at school, she is pretty academically able but could zone out a lot.

I would offer lots of praise and encouragement for her art and any small wins with school/room/self as if she is like my DD her self-esteem will be on the floor and actually going to school and making friends is a big plus. Hope you find something that works for you!!