17 yr old son weight gain

[Imnoonesfool]

I need advice on how to best tackle this as I’m not having any success to date.

my ds who is now in yr13 has piled on weight since starting college last year. Almost 3 stone. As he now earns his own money he spends it on junk food (2/3 takeaways a week) I find empty wrappers everywhere of extra large chocolate bars, large cartons of chocolate milkshakes, bags and bags of crisps. He eats everything that is left in cupboards like all our crisps, biscuits , bread etc. he goes down and eats after we have gone to bed.

i understand teen boys have big appetites but he fills himself up on junk then refuses dinners I cook then later orders a takeaway or comes down and eats loads of cereals or bread.

I have stopped buying most things now or hiding food and getting it out as needed but he just buys it himself.

I keep telling him he needs to eat more nutritious food and he cannot continue to eat as he is as he is not getting what his body needs but obviously at 17 he literally doesn’t care.

i know he’s now basically an adult and if he chooses to do this I have no real choice but any tips on what I could do to try and curb it a bit.

he’s happy in life , enjoys college, enjoys his friendships, has a lovely gf etc so I don’t think there is an emotional element, I believe it’s his first taste of freedom of having his own money and being able to just eat all the things he likes when he likes as he’s always been extremely fussy with food but my worry is he will just keep piling it on. He’s always been lean and slim now he does look larger and his BMI is upper end of overweight so I am really worried about health implications and how hard it is to loose weight once you’ve gained it.

Sorry for what you are going through OP.
Unfortunately, there is very little you can do except having very little treats at home. Never have no treats as that leads to a negative spiral too.
When they earn their own money, it's impossible to police the spend.

I have a DD with similar issues. However, she is unhappy with how she looks and yet she eats and binges.
If your son seems happy then let it go and hopefully he will grow out of it.
Does he do any sports or gym?

Xx

Yes I know 😩

i just found his receipt for a McDonalds he bought this week, after taking lunch and eating that, and it equated to 1827 calories - 93g sugar - 83g fat. For just one meal!

It makes me feel sick with worry !

he plays football but that just keeps being cancelled for the past 4 weeks due to Christmas and water logged pitches
so he went to training this week for an hour that’s it as match today cancelled. So he’s headed out to town, no doubt it will include a McDonalds 😩

Ds was similar when he started his first job at 17, suddenly had money and it was his first thought on how to enjoy it, it moved from mcds initially then onto kebabs.

Once he turned 18 he wanted the money more for socialising/taxis so stopped eating takeaways as much. Then friends were going to the gym so he took out a membership too. He also at this point spent money clothes for socialising.

Now he saves it for holidays with friends.

17 is a funny age as you have the money but not old enough to spend it on much yet. Hopefully it is just a passing phase for your ds too.

Would he go to the gym if you suggested it?

he has no interest in going to going to the gym. I think he sees that as vain, probably as all his old group of friends are always at the gym.

we spoke again about it last night and he said it’s not a problem to him that he’s put on weight because he doesn’t feel he looks any different. But he really does. He’s not overly tall so 2 to 3 stone weight gain in just over 12 months is noticeable but it’s more the rate on which he’s putting it on. And the most worrying thing is he is increasing the amount he eats as time goes on. For example he’s now starting ordering a large milkshake and extra large fries.

tbh I trying to not talk about weight and more about health but it’s fallen on deaf ears as I’ve come down this morning and found he’s been down and eaten 4 pop tarts and a bag of crisps

You need to be careful not to give him a complex about it, but also not be labelled as a ‘nag’, as it this age it can go downhill very quickly. You’ve had your say and he’s listened, I’d leave him to it now.
its what I’ve learned to do with my DS who is now early 20’s.

I do agree, this is why I am after advice.

tbh I wish I could just not say anything but I just get so annoyed constantly having to hide our food or coming in and going to get something only to find empty wrappers Left in cupboards. I have food hidden all over and I am not buying most things now but I feel sorry for my other children who have literally no snacks or treats in the house

and my menopausal brain keeps forgetting where stuff is hidden as Im having to forever change places as he finds it and eats it all. I’m sure if I were to pack up to move I will find stashes everywhere 😂

I feel sorry for my other children who have literally no snacks or treats in the house

Can you not insist that he replaces what he has eaten? It's not fair that he gets all the snacks while his siblings get none.

With respect, you’re too invested in his diet in my opinion. It’s difficult, as the one who has been responsible for providing food up until now, but he’s now old enough to take responsibility for what he eats, and what affect that has on his health and his body.

if you re-read all your comments, they’re all about how you have the issues with his diet, it’s not that he’s asking for help. At 17, I think you do need to step back a bit. If you can, then your opinion will have more weight if he does ask for help in the future. Chances are though he’ll regulate more as he matures.

Its not right, though, that he deprives his siblings of treats. If he were my son he could eat what he wanted but he’d be replacing things intended for everyone to share.

OMG OP, are you me??!! I could have written your post pretty much word for word, except DS is still 16. He's binge eating and has piled in weight, eats crap in massive quantities, yet seems genuinely unphased and has good friends, lovely girlfriend etc.

I'm really worried about his health and the impact that being significantly overweight will have on him. I'm also really frustrated at having to constantly limit what we have in the house and hide food, especially on behalf of his younger siblings who can naturally self regulate 'treat' food.

I've avoided talking directly about his weight, because it is such a difficult issue, but I have spoken to him about the importance of having a healthy, balanced approach to food. It's tricky because he is so bloody confident - I spent a long time assuming it must be a front and that actually underneath he must be feeling really unhappy about his weight - but I'm increasing thinking he has some kind of inverse body dysmorphia and honestly doesn't realise how much weight he has gained (he recently told me with an absolute straight face that his trousers have shrunk in the wash AGAIN).

If I'm honest I do wonder how much of the problem is mine. It feels terrible to admit but deep down I think I see his being overweight as a reflecting badly on me. But on the other hand, it isn't bloody healthy, and the blunt truth is that it will impact him.

No advice I'm afraid, but solidarity.

Member786488
sorry for some reason it won’t let me reply but yes 100% I am invested in him - shoot me 🤪. Yes you are right he should replace it but I can’t make him do that in the same way I can’t make him eat healthily. I can certainly tell him to replace it, as I do, but he doesn’t and he also swears blind he hasn’t eaten it.

but I expect that makes me an even more of a crap parent 😩

Solidarity accepted 😍

100% I know it’s my problem! I can’t bare it, I’ve never been overweight, I’ve always eaten well . What annoys me most is I spent the last 16 years struggling on a daily basis to get healthy food down him as he has always had a massively restricted diet. My life would have been so much easier, a whole happier if I’d just let him eat chicken nuggets and chips every day from the age of 3! Maybe I should of and by now he’d be gagging for a vegetable !!

I think you are all right, there is nothing I can do I just hope he sorts himself out sooner rather than later as I have seen how hard it is to reverse the damage you can cause yourself.

Stop giving him complexes and insecurities. He seems fine with his weight. Perhaps he likes himself better with the additional weight.

He knows how to lose weight in a healthy manner if he wants to.

Honestly, there's not much you can do to enforce a healthier lifestyle on him. He's reached the age of independence and capable of getting and managing his own food intake.

Insulting, nagging, criticizing, showing your disdain, etc... won't help matters.

Hopefully he isn't depressed or experiencing traumas.

this is why I was asking for advice as I 100% don’t want to give him insecurities or a complex. But I also don’t want him to fill his body day in and day out with sh*te just because he has reached an age where he can. He’s still a dependent, I still provide for him so would rather he doesn’t spend what savings he has on junk food just because he can. BUT I appreciate if he wants to that’s his choice

And as I mentioned in my posts above he’s a really happy kid so unless he’s masking I’m not aware of any depression or traumas

Ps I’ve never insulted him though so not sure where youve got that from but I defo nag him on a daily basis but not about food, mainly just to pick his wet towel up, put his dishes in the dishwasher etc etc probs not allowed to do that either

But as an update, following our chat last week he has eaten a home cooked dinner with us every night this week so that’s a positive. I feel takeaways should be a treat not something you have on a daily basis and I will maintain that stance so if that makes me a nag or judgemental I’ll have to hope it’s not damaging him too much

Hi OP, I was just wondering how your DS was getting on now? I posted in solidarity with you up thread and unfortunately my DS is just putting on more and more weight. I am getting seriously worried about the health implications now - he's well into the obese category in terms of BMI - but he seems as jolly as ever and still enjoys life, has a girlfriend etc.

Meanwhile my other two DC hover around the underweight/healthy category and I have to keep an eye that they are eating enough. It's a bloody nightmare TBH.

Hi all, have you guys had a break through with this at all?
i could have written both of your posts!
DS is 17 and loving life but does not stop eating! He just keeps piling on the weight! It worries me sick.
he passed his driving test a month ago and he has ballooned even more since then.
we have actually stopped cooking family meals now as he will also go and eat a take away after dinner when we are all in bed. My logic was if he can’t stop take aways and junk food then we have to cut out the meals that we supply… just to try and limit the damage!
Regrettably he knows how I feel about his eating and he knows how much I worry about it. I just can’t keep my mouth shut and it breaks my heart!!

he has a lovely gf too but I think she encourages the eating - if not encourages it, then most definitely doesn’t discourage it….they go to the shop and buy ridiculous amounts of junk food… I get it, the cosiness and contentment but jeez I can’t help but worry that he’s never going to be able to turn this back around.
he pretends it doesn’t bother him, but it does! He used to be a lifeguard but wouldn’t take his jacket off. That was 2 summers ago and he has now put on at least another 2 / 3 stone.

i’m sad to say that at this point I am just the “nag” and the damage has been done!

I’m at a complete loss. I know I need to step back and let him do what he wants to do but with his adhd I worry what damage he is going to do with his life. I’ve discussed with him about the dopamine hit that he is getting from food - just to make him aware really.

I also feel that I have made things worse for him, like he is now doing it to get a reaction from me. It’s probably all my fault! I don’t know how to wipe the slate clean and stop seeing it as a negative.

should also mention that dss is a gym bunny and can barely eat..nothing of him. He would love to be bigger but just can’t put the weight on. He’s never been a big eater either yet my ds has always really enjoyed his food.

any advice would be gratefully received

Hi there @Stepmumwoes , I'm really sorry to hear you are in a similar situation to us. I'd love to be able to say we'd had a breakthrough but I'm sorry to say DS is heavier than ever.

I can relate to everything you've said and likewise I wonder what I have done/not done to cause it, although logically I know that even if there was something in his early years that triggered it, it certainly wasn't anything I could have forseen. On the whole I think we've modelled a good, balanced attitude to food and health, and unfortunately DS seems to be wired to crave instant gratification vs long term reward.

I've gone backwards and forward on how to handle it - on the one hand he is still a child (just) and I feel as a parent I cannot sit back and watch him sabotage his health. But on the other hand, it is such a very complex thing and I am aware that any kind of nagging or shaming is going to be completely counterproductive.

I feel I've handled it as well as I can really. I've led a few completely non judgemental discussions about his weight/health (focusing on the health side of things) where I've shared I formation with him and let him know that if he'd like to make any changes I'll support him in whatever way he feels would be most helpful. He made the right noises at the time and occasionally I see that he is trying to make a change but it doesn't last long. Other than that I am resolutely not passing judgement or comment on what he is eating on a day to day basis. It is very hard when inside I am thinking FFS why are you eating that crap, but I know realistically that there is absolutely nothing I can do to stop him and the most important thing is to look after our relationship.

When he turns 18 I will consider having a discussion with him about weight loss injections. I know that sounds extreme but he is seriously obese and they are fully licenced from 18.

Sorry that was quite long but basically I get it.