Teens can energy suck a home - or not?

Flyhigher · 2023-12-29T17:25:13+00:00

My teen really energy sucks the home. When she's on form it's amazing. She's lovely. But a lot the time she sucks all the energy out of the house. Is it just me? Or do I handle this badly? Any advice?

Fififizz · 29/12/2023 17:44

I find it’s true and sometimes I handle it better than others. I think if I’m low and not looking after me, like at the moment, it affects me worse than other times when I seem able to brush it off more.

SunnySideDownBriefly · 29/12/2023 18:58

Oh yes! 100%! My DH and I have 5 between us and we have to keep reminding ourselves to be strong! It's v hard. Sending you strength!

Mushroomwithaview · 29/12/2023 19:06

I think that's quite a negative take on it. I frame it as my teen having a hard time and needing support / struggling to be on form.

Tappytappy123 · 29/12/2023 20:07

I completely understand how you feel. It's draining, the highs are high, the lows are low, you're living your own emotions and your teens at the same time.

Jessiepaintyourpicture · 29/12/2023 20:10

Depends on the teen. Mine (18) has only ever brought positive energy into the home and I miss her when she's at uni.

myphoneisbroken · 29/12/2023 20:17

I understand. If my teen is in that mode, I go into my room, shut the door and do something nice for myself. I think that as a parent of teens you have to make sure that your own cup is full.

Original poster

Flyhigher · 29/12/2023 20:18

@Mushroomwithaview I think you are right. But also if you feel a bit tired yourself they bring you down further.
I think it's right they are struggling, what I find hard is they won't team work with you at all.

So you just wait and feel helpless all the time.

It's exhausting.

They are different people to us. It's hard to navigate.

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piscofrisco · 29/12/2023 20:22

One of my DD's has spent the entirety of this past year sucking the joy out of any given situation. Unless she is doing something she wants to do or is with her pals in which case she is the life and soul.
She is 18 now and whilst I accept that she is tired from school and work and friendship drama, I'm also finding it harder to accept that she is so self centred and cannot at times even just be polite. She is an adult now (just) and as such I am going to try and tell her for one last time, calmly, that it's not acceptable. It's really getting us all down the way she behaves and it isn't fair at all.

Original poster

Flyhigher · 29/12/2023 20:23

@piscofrisco same here. She's delightful with others. So fun.

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piscofrisco · 29/12/2023 20:23

I also retreat to my room but that means I practically live in it and it's not right that one person sets the weather in the house like that.

Lovemusic82 · 29/12/2023 20:32

piscofrisco · 29/12/2023 20:22

One of my DD's has spent the entirety of this past year sucking the joy out of any given situation. Unless she is doing something she wants to do or is with her pals in which case she is the life and soul.
She is 18 now and whilst I accept that she is tired from school and work and friendship drama, I'm also finding it harder to accept that she is so self centred and cannot at times even just be polite. She is an adult now (just) and as such I am going to try and tell her for one last time, calmly, that it's not acceptable. It's really getting us all down the way she behaves and it isn't fair at all.

This is totally my dd too. She’s now 19 and at uni. She’s back home for Christmas and is the same, sucking the joy out of everything, being grumpy and lazy, refusing to join in with anything I arrange or suggest. But with her fiends she’s fun and bubbly. She’s been constantly on her phone and on chat to her friends in the evenings to the point she’s keeping me and dd2 awake with the constant laughing and talking with friends but I can’t even seem to get a smile out of her. I have been very close to losing it with her several times but today she’s been a bit better (just as she’s due to go back to uni in a couple days). She’s been pretty much like this since she was 12 years old and I often wonder what the f*ck I have done wrong to make her so miserable.

piscofrisco · 29/12/2023 20:41

Mine was like this when she was a younger child, then oddly snapped out of it at around 12, and we thought we had done with it, only for it to come back with a vengeance this past year.
I lost it with her the Sunday before Christmas when we went out for a long booked and looked forward to (even she said by her) theatre trip with all 4 kids. She. Claimed I hadn't told her when we were leaving (I had) and then ignored the fact that everyone was getting ready. I assumed she was going as she was. Gave them all their 10 minute leaving the house warning and she went mad-she didn't have time to get ready, we hadn't told her.... sulked all
The way to the train station. Face like a slapped arse. We were waiting for the train and I realised if I had to be near her much longer with her behaviour like that I would lose it. So I just got up and went home. I never ever do things like that but her behaviour had been so bad for months it was the last straw.
I then felt awful for the rest of them and had calmed down a bit so went to meet them later. She STILL looked miserable, despite having had lunch and drinks night for her by Dh, and no apology. We ended up having a huge row in the middle of King's Cross. I said then and I mean it that I won't take her anywhere again until she can behave like a decent human being.
I miss her. But I wouldn't let anyone else in life treat me like that and I won't have it from her anymore either.

Jessiepaintyourpicture · 29/12/2023 20:57

She’s been constantly on her phone and on chat to her friends in the evenings to the point she’s keeping me and dd2 awake with the constant laughing and talking with friends

Why don't you tell her to be quiet or get off her bleeding phone?

Lovemusic82 · 29/12/2023 21:00

Jessiepaintyourpicture · 29/12/2023 20:57

She’s been constantly on her phone and on chat to her friends in the evenings to the point she’s keeping me and dd2 awake with the constant laughing and talking with friends

Why don't you tell her to be quiet or get off her bleeding phone?

I do, she tells me she will keep it down. It’s hard because she spent most of her school years being bullied and not having friends, she now has uni friends and it’s great to see she’s happy, I just wish she could be happier around me.

Original poster

Flyhigher · 30/12/2023 00:32

@Lovemusic82 yes exactly the same. Is she doing well at uni? At least that's something. It's awful. My friends kids are lovely.

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BahHumbugger · 30/12/2023 00:52

Teens can suck the energy from a small continent. But when they are in a generous mood they can light up the sky

Lovemusic82 · 30/12/2023 09:50

Flyhigher · 30/12/2023 00:32

@Lovemusic82 yes exactly the same. Is she doing well at uni? At least that's something. It's awful. My friends kids are lovely.

Apparently she’s doing great at uni (she doesn’t tell me much) though she struggles to look after herself, her rooms a mess and she won’t cook. She seems much happier at uni than at home, probably because she can be as lazy as she wants and no one’s there to nag her. Though I’m pleased she’s doing well I just wish she could be happier around me and a bit more respectful and grateful.

boredwithfoodprob · 30/12/2023 10:04

Yes my 15 year old DS can put a negative spin on most things and it's very draining for all of us (he has 2 younger siblings). It's interesting as when we are with other people he's chatty and fun but just us, it's like he lets firm his social mask and becomes a real drain on good energy. We give him a lot of support with school, and are very open in terms of facilitating anything that will help him to be happy but it becomes a bit of a game in reverse psychology where if we act as though we'd love him to do something with us he refuses but as soon as that thing is over he'll say he wishes he'd taken part and then the negativity starts all over again 🫠😫

boredwithfoodprob · 30/12/2023 10:06

Should've proof read before posting 🙄

IwishIdidntlikesugar · 30/12/2023 12:47

Yep! So tiring.

Original poster

Flyhigher · 31/12/2023 17:10

BahHumbugger · 30/12/2023 00:52

Teens can suck the energy from a small continent. But when they are in a generous mood they can light up the sky

That's funny! Xx

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Original poster

Flyhigher · 31/12/2023 17:10

And true.

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