Lost it

9 replies

christmasupset · 23/12/2023 16:00

I've just completely lost it with my 15 year old DD and said some awful things. She's generally so good, very bright, kind and sweet. We usually get on very well. She can be a bit condescending and I sometimes feel that she's dismissive of all my efforts and this morning was just that.

I'd booked an activity entirely for her benefit but she was a bit dismissive which annoyed me. I festered away throughout said activity and ended up really losing it with her when we got home. She started laughing when I told her off which riled me and I really shouted and said some awful things. She was so upset and im worried I've emotionally scarred her.

My response was way out of proportion and probably more due to my hormones and struggling with grief and Christmas than anything else. I just feel absolutely terrible and want things to be right again.

Think I just need a bit of support, please be kind

OP posts:

NotInTheMoodForIt · 23/12/2023 16:08

Was it an activity she'd asked you to do with her or a surprise and she hasn't been as excited as you'd hoped/expected?

Something similar happened with my Mum when I was around that age and she let absolute rip at me when we got home because I was matching her own excitement, I was struggling emotionally myself and also doing my best to put in an appearance of feeling ok.

I won't lie and say her words didn't hurt me but I also understood it was out if character and she didn't actually mean it she came and had a chat with me and apologised and we moved on.

You don't say if the grieving is someone she is grieving for too, if it is it could also be why she's a bit dismissive too. Teens can have their low crap bad days too and I'd just go have a chat and hug.

malificent7 · 23/12/2023 16:11

15 year olds generally aren't that impressed by " activities" anymore sadly. You are expecting too much.

tokesqueen · 23/12/2023 16:13

What was the activity?

Original poster

christmasupset · 23/12/2023 16:24

Thanks for your responses everyone. It was an activity booked by me last week but she was initially quite keen. True that activities tend not to impress as much as they once did.

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Original poster

christmasupset · 23/12/2023 16:32

We have lost a few people in quick succession and I'm really feeling it atm. She absolutely is too I think.

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LikeAKipper · 23/12/2023 16:43

At that age, levelling with them goes a long way (I've got one similar age). Just go and see her, explain you were disappointed as you wanted to make her happy but you acknowledge your reaction was wrong / hormones and stress etc but you love her and want to make it right. Give her a big hug and you'll both feel so much better, no long lasting emotional damage - she'll see an example of a grown up owning their mistake, and realise you're human too.

Original poster

christmasupset · 23/12/2023 16:46

LikeAKipper · 23/12/2023 16:43

Thank you this is such a lovely post. I am going to do exactly this xxx

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ObliviousCoalmine · 23/12/2023 16:56

I've been having these conversations recently with my partner. He's still quite specific about wanting to keep up certain traditions and 'key' things but the kids (11, 13, 15) have reached the age where they aren't overly keen. Not because they're being horrible, it's just the phase they're in.

You have to let them go a bit, they come back eventually.

xtwilight · 23/12/2023 16:59

I'd say the best thing you could do is explain how you're feeling to her to try and help her understand why you reacted the way you did and apologise for it. It may bring out some emotions and instigate a conversation you both need to have x

Flip