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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Can anyone beat this level of teenage obliviousness?

50 replies

BlowDryRat · 20/12/2023 22:29

DS is 13. Some months ago he smashed his phone screen, I got it repaired and within 2 weeks it was smashed again due to his own carelessness. I told him he'd need to save up to get it repaired.

Roll on to today. He was very chirpy (unusual) and I just assumed he was excited about Christmas until he came out with, "I don't know how I did it, but my phone screen's working properly again!"

Yes, darling. It is. Not through some divine miracle but because I took it to the repair shop on Monday in a fit of seasonal generosity and paid £60 to get it fixed. And to make it worse, he was there when I did it! 🙄

Any other oblivious teenagers out there?

OP posts:
BMW6 · 23/12/2023 17:06

alloalloallo · 22/12/2023 12:29

Mine is actually 22, but this morning:

DD: Mum, do we have any toast?
Me: (bit baffled) No, but we have plenty of bread
DD: I don’t like bread (wanders off)

She’s at uni ffs

So funny!!! 😂😂😂

Mintygoodness · 23/12/2023 20:25

@flowerchild2000 Have you sat down with your daughter and explained how unpopular smelly people are and how antisocial it is. She may not understand how essential it is to how attractive other people find her (just to even be around), especially on making a first impression.
Many teens struggle with this, there is probably a book or YouTubes about it.

Wigeon · 23/12/2023 20:29

DD (15) is generally quite oblivious to objects around her, and today asked me if I knew where her phone was - while she was sitting on her bedroom floor and the phone was about 20 cm from her foot in front of her...

AutumnNymph · 23/12/2023 20:32

SingingSands · 20/12/2023 22:59

DS to DH: "where's Mum?"
DH: "London"
DS: "what? I just thought she was working late!"

I'd been in London for TWO DAYS by this point.

😀😀😀😀

flowerchild2000 · 24/12/2023 00:23

Mintygoodness · 23/12/2023 20:25

@flowerchild2000 Have you sat down with your daughter and explained how unpopular smelly people are and how antisocial it is. She may not understand how essential it is to how attractive other people find her (just to even be around), especially on making a first impression.
Many teens struggle with this, there is probably a book or YouTubes about it.

I told her that no one will want to be her friend if she insists on being stinky and she went into a long explanation of how all her peers smell even worse than she does. And if she notices it really must be bad. I felt less of a bad mother at least. She just turned 14 and will be starting ADHD meds soon, so after that gets sorted I'm going to try the making friends speech again and see. It does seem to be a time management issue, along with what seems to be very intentional denial, haha. It's probably Roblox addiction. I could try unplugging the wifi until she's totally clean and ready each day. Worth a shot anyway.

flowerchild2000 · 24/12/2023 00:30

Avacardo2023 · 21/12/2023 00:06

My DD1 reached peak teen today. I received a WhatsApp asking for a lift from her friend's house. "Mum I need a lift home from Ruby's. Please don't send Dad as I'm too exhausted to be embarrassed today".

What does he do? Exist?

When I was a teenager all the kids would congregate in front of the school before the first bell rang. My dad thought it was hilarious to roll his window down and bark like a dog after he dropped me off. Thankfully I didn't get embarrassed easily so I laughed with everyone else.

JustACountryMusicGirlInCowboyBoots · 24/12/2023 00:31

flowerchild2000 · 20/12/2023 23:24

Oblivious to her own rankness. Mine is 14, has ASD and ADHD, so she has a lot of difficulty with hygiene. But she also gets angry if I remind her. She's also home schooled so she can roll out of bed, hair unwashed, uncombed, jump into her video classes in her pajamas and then sit there all day not realizing how gross she is. I can be across the room and all I can smell is a truckload of onions that's been sitting out in the sun for a week. I'll gently say, Did you wash up? And she'll say yes. I'll say are you sure? Smell your armpits and tell me what you smell. She'll sniff herself in a very exaggerated manner and say she doesn't smell anything 🫠 When we go out she loves to dress up and put makeup on, she'll put so much effort in and look really cute. But she won't comb her rats nest or wash!! Every time I have to send her to the bathroom to start over. I've tried being more direct- you stink! take a bath! And she acts offended! I hope this is mostly a teenager thing and not just ASD so she can outgrow it soon, my poor nose!

I have 2 of these. I feel your pain. I'm also ASD and have a very strong sense of smell and it's quite distressing for me. I can smell them across the room but it's only me that can sms them apparently and pointing out nicely or very blurry after trying nicely first is emotional abuse.

My Christmas present has bern sat on dds dressing table for weeks. I took her to the shop, took it off the shelf, gave her my bank card and told her to pay for it. She begrudgingly did so and carried the rather small and light bag. She gave it to me on the train and hasn't mentioned it since so I put it on her dresser. I doubt she'll wrap it for Christmas. She's bought her dad's new girlfriend something lovely though out of her own money.

Tonight u was washing up the dishes in front of them and they were demanding to be fed . I said they'd have to wait because o was in the middle of washing up. Hands in the sink, big loads of non-dishwasher items and she said she didn't realise I was washing up Hmm I'm really pissed off with them both today. They stink and they are oblivious and hurtful and rude.

flowerchild2000 · 24/12/2023 01:14

JustACountryMusicGirlInCowboyBoots · 24/12/2023 00:31

I have 2 of these. I feel your pain. I'm also ASD and have a very strong sense of smell and it's quite distressing for me. I can smell them across the room but it's only me that can sms them apparently and pointing out nicely or very blurry after trying nicely first is emotional abuse.

My Christmas present has bern sat on dds dressing table for weeks. I took her to the shop, took it off the shelf, gave her my bank card and told her to pay for it. She begrudgingly did so and carried the rather small and light bag. She gave it to me on the train and hasn't mentioned it since so I put it on her dresser. I doubt she'll wrap it for Christmas. She's bought her dad's new girlfriend something lovely though out of her own money.

Tonight u was washing up the dishes in front of them and they were demanding to be fed . I said they'd have to wait because o was in the middle of washing up. Hands in the sink, big loads of non-dishwasher items and she said she didn't realise I was washing up Hmm I'm really pissed off with them both today. They stink and they are oblivious and hurtful and rude.

Show quote history

You poor thing! They are rude AND stinky! Mothers are basically doormats. I know it's normal but that doesn't make it easier. It's not until they're on their own and have more responsibility they finally realize our worth. I do hope your present gets wrapped and makes it under the tree!

DyslexicPoster · 24/12/2023 01:34

My 16 year old unpacked the shopping and put a can if wipped cream and a pack of Lettuce in the freezer. My mind boggles

StBrides · 24/12/2023 01:49
Grin
TadpolesInPool · 24/12/2023 01:50

My 12 year old was out when DH came home and DH didn't realise so locked the gate. DS came home and said "you locked the gate "
DH - sorry didn't realise you were out
DS - I had to climb over the gate
(🤦‍♀️😯 it's very high)
Me - why didn't you ring us?
DS - oh yeah i didn't remember my phone until I was on top of the gate

HappyCamperTent · 25/12/2023 22:06

JustACountryMusicGirlInCowboyBoots · 24/12/2023 00:31

I have 2 of these. I feel your pain. I'm also ASD and have a very strong sense of smell and it's quite distressing for me. I can smell them across the room but it's only me that can sms them apparently and pointing out nicely or very blurry after trying nicely first is emotional abuse.

My Christmas present has bern sat on dds dressing table for weeks. I took her to the shop, took it off the shelf, gave her my bank card and told her to pay for it. She begrudgingly did so and carried the rather small and light bag. She gave it to me on the train and hasn't mentioned it since so I put it on her dresser. I doubt she'll wrap it for Christmas. She's bought her dad's new girlfriend something lovely though out of her own money.

Tonight u was washing up the dishes in front of them and they were demanding to be fed . I said they'd have to wait because o was in the middle of washing up. Hands in the sink, big loads of non-dishwasher items and she said she didn't realise I was washing up Hmm I'm really pissed off with them both today. They stink and they are oblivious and hurtful and rude.

Show quote history

Whats a non dishwasher item?

FishyInTheSeaaa · 25/12/2023 22:11

We've semi-recently moved house and now have an airing cupboard that houses all bathroom products and towels.
At least once every few days someone will shout "Mum, where are the towels/toothpaste/deodorant /shampoo??"

In the fucking cupboard where they've been for 5 months now?!!

KinS24 · 25/12/2023 22:15

My DS until about 18 couldn’t differentiate between his two similar aged cousins that he sees several time a year. We have been on week long trips with them…
They are both slim and blonde but have completely different features and one is about 4 inches taller. He has known them all his life. He referred to them both as ‘Ava or Isla’ to their faces until I got cross with him and forced him to study them and remember.

Papillon23 · 25/12/2023 22:20

HappyCamperTent · 25/12/2023 22:06

Whats a non dishwasher item?

Show quote history

In my house it would be pans with an anodised aluminium outside (bought one, never again), posh wooden utensils (have a friend who carves wood), crystal glasses and I don't dishwash le creuset or the parts of my Kenwood chef which have aluminium bits.

That sounds like a lot but I reckon it's about 10? % of the total number of things I use overall.

ShinyBandana · 25/12/2023 22:20

DC pointing at bottom sheet: aaargghh this used to be blue and now it’s turned white what’s happened??!
Me: I changed your bedding
DC: wha? You mean this just hasn’t changed colour?
me: no, it’s a clean sheet
DC: you mean it comes off?

MustDust · 25/12/2023 22:35

ND DS, helped tidy his room, only thing left on the floor is his sleeping bag, which is out of direct line of sight, ie not right in front of him, but is touching his leg. He says 'I'll lift the bed and put the sleeping bag away now, where did you put it? We joke about his issues with object impermanence but really?

Ohthatsfabulousdarling · 25/12/2023 22:54

flowerchild2000 · 24/12/2023 00:23

I told her that no one will want to be her friend if she insists on being stinky and she went into a long explanation of how all her peers smell even worse than she does. And if she notices it really must be bad. I felt less of a bad mother at least. She just turned 14 and will be starting ADHD meds soon, so after that gets sorted I'm going to try the making friends speech again and see. It does seem to be a time management issue, along with what seems to be very intentional denial, haha. It's probably Roblox addiction. I could try unplugging the wifi until she's totally clean and ready each day. Worth a shot anyway.

Edited
Show quote history

If you find that it's gets bad enough that her clothes smell, my advice is that you get one of her jumpers, blazers-anything that really picks up the pong, put it in a bag.

Say to DD, right shower time, fresh clothes, were going somewhere nice.
The key here is she has to smell nice, then say to her, just before you leave the house. Smell this, I need you to smell it...this is what you smell like when you haven't showered properly, changed your clothes, whatever it is.
I think that was the turning point with my DD.
We went out, and I said, so where do you think you're falling short of your hygiene standards?
Tbh we tried a few different things, she does have anxiety and when she's anxious she really does smell, even with better hygiene, she tends to use ments antiperspirant, and a men's shower gel, and she needs to keep her armpits shaved.
It has significantly improved within the past year or so.

JustACountryMusicGirlInCowboyBoots · 26/12/2023 00:17

@HappyCamperTent a non-dishwasher item would be:
Vintage glass
Vintage sundae dishes
Reusable Starbucks insulated cups
KitchenAid beater, whisk and dough hook
The stupid festive dinner set I got from Asda a few years back that has metallic bits and can't go in the microwave or dishwasher.

StBrides · 26/12/2023 14:07

@flowerchild2000 I would explain to her that while she may have an acute sense of smell, so that many people pong to her, most people don't. So when they detect she smells, it will be much stronger than when the pong she smells off other people

Boomboom22 · 26/12/2023 14:16

Remember teenagers do actually smell. Puberty makes you sweat and stink, from about 10/11 to about 16. Even when just cleaned. Deodorant is key and good shampoo. By sixth form normal products work again.

Original poster
BlowDryRat · 26/12/2023 14:36

@Ohthatsfabulousdarling I've found that bar soap is much more effective than shower gel and stopping armpit pong.

DS has actually been a little star over Christmas. Pre-teen DD woke up in a foul mood yesterday and refused to open her stocking. "Who cares? Santa isn't real anyway!" - rude but she really isn't a morning person. She's sleeping in DS' room while MIL is here and DS saw that I was a bit hurt. He then made a big OTT performance of opening his stocking, making me laugh and DD perk up and take a bit of interest. He entertained all our visitors while DH and I cooked, played with the toddler and was even a tiny bit cuddly at bedtime. I'm letting him chillax on the sofa in his pants and oodie today. And I'm not bringing up the absolute filth I found while preparing his room for DD on Sunday (3 mouldy apple cores and a little heap of hardened orange peel 🤢).

OP posts:
TastesLikeStrawberriesOnASummerEvening · 26/12/2023 14:53

puncheur · 22/12/2023 14:07

DS broke his phone screen when he was 12. I told him he would have to pay for it to be repaired out of his savings. It obviously taught him a lesson as he’s not broken it since and is super-careful with the phone.

Gosh, aren't you marvellous.
Bet you're fun at parties.

Annono · 24/02/2024 18:51

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