First time poster and I'll try to keep it short.
Family dynamics -
Son - 21 just back from Uni - works full time saving up to move out. Pays board since leaving Uni.
Stepdaughter 17
Stepson 15
Both step children live with us, SD visits her mum 2 nights a week, SS 3 nights a month. Both share same mother.
SD is currently doing a course at college but has suddenly announced during the second year that she wants to drop out and work full time. She hates the course apparently as it's so boring.
She's aware that she has to stay in education until she's 18, but doesn't care.
Both us, her mum and even her tutor have tried to reason but she says if we force her to go she'll do something that forces college to kick her off the course.
With chats with her mum we decided that if she dropped out we'd both treat her like the adult she so desperately wants to be. Ie pays board, her own phone bill etc. This surprised her, she thought we'd give her a free ride until she's 18.
Mum's house has always been more lenient, mum lives alone apart from SS visiting once a month. We have other people to think of, so we have rules. Nothing crazy, mainly just be respectful to everyone else. SD has always struggled with this, in the past if we've commented on her behaviour (shes always been disruptive at school and then college, and tbh lacks respect for anyone in authority) she's stormed out to her mums. We've always let her come home.
Now she suddenly wants to share her living arrangements with her mum, one week with us, one week with her mum. Mum's more lenient but she'd have to cook for herself etc, but we would cook a meal for her when we're feeding everyone else for example.
Tbh this doesn't overly work for us, she wants to pay one weeks board to us, then the following week to her mum for instance expecting us to keep her room ready for her that week she's not there. This is likely because mum has said she needs to pay her board for those 2 days a week she's there, as well as board to us. Currently our 2 boys share a room, yes the eldest will move out soon, but it will likely be mid next year at the earliest.
We don't know what to do, if we keep her room open we upset the 2 boys, if we don't let her do what she wants we upset her.
She turns 18 in March. And we would have had to discuss her living arrangements in the summer anyway, she's just forced the conversation early.
What have other parents done re shared parenting following the child turning 18? Any advice would be great, we're going round in circles and to be honest her attitude etc is mentally draining on not just us but her brother too.