Dealing with challenging bribing behaviour 14yr old

[Marie061976]

My 14 year old grandson's behaviour has for many years been challenging. He is undergoing assessments for ASD and ADHD. I am looking for advice on how to deal with a particular type of behaviour. If he misbehaves ( hitting sister's, swearing, refusing to go to school) he has a privilege removed ie going on the playstation. He then continues to misbehave and kicks off, often smashing things up and says he might as well as he already isn't allowed on his PlayStation. A recent example is that he has refused to ho in school and he was told that if he doesn't go in his PlayStation controller is being confiscated (it operates the TV). He is now saying he won't be going in school tomorrow unless my daughter gives him his controller back tonight. He spent last night kicking off because he didnt have his controller. It is like he is trying to bribe her, She has said no and that he will get the controller back tomorrow after he has been in school. He is saying he will not go in school then. This leaves her in a difficult position over the Xmas period as tomorrow is the last day. Any advice is appreciated

That sounds incredibly difficult. Maybe easier said than done but your daughter needs to stand firm💪

I’d start by removing the PlayStation altogether and letting him earn it back over Christmas. Can it be used as a reward rather than a punishment?
It sounds really tough. Although, last day of school is a good one for him to miss if your daughter is showing him that she won’t give in to his demands…

I agree remove the PlayStation altogether.

But also don't worry too much about the last day - if he refuses to go in your DD must just report this to school, they will hopefully support her next term.

Removing the calming/regulating activities used by people with ASD does not result in better behaviour.
Someone with more experience than me will be along to suggest ways of changing the dynamic but you won’t successfully parent a ND kid using techniques that work on NT kids.

My teenage son has ASD. Excessive screen time can cause him to be more anxious and aggressive. So we have always limited it. But each family has to do what is right for their child and their family dynamic.

As he is only just getting tested for autism and adhd why don’t you and the family read up about it and watch you tube videos too. Look up masking too. It’ll definitely help you to understand him better.
A book that helped me greatly was ‘Nurturing your autistic young person’ but it is more about teenage girls than boys. However, as your grandson must have been masking as he wasn’t suspected of being autistic or adhd till now, this book may help.
Have you tried finding out why he doesn’t want to go to school? Has he been like this for a long time regarding school? There’s many reasons why autistic kids find school difficult, especially high school. Also look up demand avoidance.
Look up Dr Naomi Fisher, Dr Ross Green, Not fine in school. You need to get all the help you can from school to accommodate him.
Rewarding and punishment doesn’t work with neurodivergent kids as already mentioned and for a lot of these people, doing what they love such as PlayStation helps to regulate them.

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