Teen (15) watching porn

[Jude82]

Son has been moody lately and very secretive with his phone, wanting to trust him I gave him privacy but I went to change a wifi setting on his phone as per the instructions of a sky engineer and he was very uneasy with me having the handset. My mum senses went mad and I asked why, he tried to lie saying stupid things and even distracted me with a hug but his heart was racing so I just stopped the nonsense right there and said what is going on! He has apps on his phone he didn’t want me to see, stupid like AI girlfriend apps which is daft and embarrassing but harmless enough or so I thought….I then checked the content and it was all about arses and farting on each other. Wtaf! Then on Reddit he had been viewing porn about the same topic and also trans porn. I took his phone away and deleted the apps and set parental controls as last time I checked he wasn’t 18 and porn is so addictive and brutal and well not how I want his teen brain to be shaped when learning about his sexual desires and identity. He’s too young for porn, fact. I thought I had parental controls on but apparently according to sky that’s just for when the phone is on 4g, I had to set other ones on the Broadband too. He was mortified and said he was just curious etc. I have absolutely told him that masturbating is normal and healthy and he should get to know himself but he needs to do that with privacy, door closed and not using unsuitable content online to do it. I asked him why he was looking at farting and arses and if he wanted to talk to me about anything. I asked if he was gay as he said ‘I’m gay’ to the girlfriend bot on one of the apps. He said no I’m not gay and when I asked if maybe he was unsure if he was he said no, I know that I am not gay….and he doesn’t know why he viewed what he did but stuff just came up etc. I don’t know what to think tbh because I don’t think the stuff he was looking at (farting not trans) is normal sexual behaviour. I feel sick at the thought of it all. He was mainly looking at girls bums but there was some grim stuff on there too. I said it wouldn’t matter if you were gay or straight and that’s not why I am upset and worried. He agrees that he shouldn’t be looking at that stuff and I explained that I don’t want unrealistic and illegal as he’s a minor sexual imagery and videos to shape and influence how he views a healthy sexual relationship. I have said I will respect his privacy but no more porn will be streamed in this house and I told him it’s all now blocked as I cannot trust him not view inappropriate content. What does anyone think? Curiosity and normal? Confused? In real life other than this he is happy, good friendship groups, no girlfriend or boyfriend, plays lots of sport and Xbox and I’ve never had any incling of anything like this until now. I want to help him mature and I want to guide him to do it safely. I also feel absolutely sick and cannot stop thinking about it all 😭 but have to hide that from that him. Any advice welcome thanks

If you’re worried that your 15 year old can’t differentiate between fantasy vs reality/consent/etc…. You must have ignored the issue entirely because it makes you uncomfortable.
Lying to them isn’t helpful, and other moms I know that act like they haven’t looked at porn make me chuckle

Tales of only 40+ women?

I agree that we can’t bury our head in the sands - but that’s exactly what parents are doing by just telling them porn is evil and nude pictures will get them grounded - and they better not be sexual and stay my little child forever! LOL

Yes, men are conditioned to be dominant. If you don't know these things, you must have been living under a rock.
Rape porn, incest porn and "age play" aka pedophilia porn are all popular genres, so you clearly don't know what you're talking about about.
It's not illegal to depict them in either stories or videos. It's only illegal to use an underage person in the video or use physical force to make the video. Even there, the law is not being enforced much at all and coercion/doping porn actress up so they won't resist is commonplace.
You obviously know next to nothing about this subject, so maybe you should leave it to people who have actual knowledge instead of bleating such utter drivel.

So, early education matters. I don’t watch much,

but from what I see when I scroll - your extreme examples aren’t too common. Have crimes increased? I’ll have to look into it, but you seem to think shaming sexuality and infantilizing everyone is productive.

what IS common is hair pulling of women, choking women, ejaculating on faces of women and slapping / hitting women, and anal sex with women as recipients

this is all violent sexual imagery, it's incredibly common in mainstream online porn, stop pretending it isn't, it makes you come across as dishonest

anal sex in particular is so common we hear of school nurses seeing young girls turning up presenting with damaged anuses due to it. women do not have a prostrate, anal sex is not physically pleasurable for us in the way it is for men, so young girls submitting to it is not for their pleasure at all, they're only doing it because it's expected because violent porn is everywhere

choking is now such a problem the UK passed a law in 2021 specifically regarding non-fatal strangulation, this is a result of the increase in this practice, the law recognises it is so dangerous and now so common. the UK based Institute for Addressing Strangulation (IFAS) survey Oct 2024: over a third (35%) of individuals aged 16 to 34 reported experiencing strangulation or choking during consensual sex.

not wanting your teenage son to have his developing sexuality imprinted with sexual violence is NOT shaming sexuality

I wanted my son to have a normal healthy sexuality, to be able to develop relationships with people that are based upon mutual respect and desire, where both partners in an interaction feel pleasure, you know, the old fashioned kind of sex where both people are really into each other, not the kind of performative violent mimicry of online porn

and you keep ignoring the fact that a great many women and girls depicted in porn are abused and / or trafficked, and there is no way to be sure when you're watching porn that they are not, so in fact anyone who watches porn on any regular or semi-regular basis WILL be watching video made using abused and trafficked people

why on earth would any parent be okay with their developing teens watching that? anyone with any moral decency at all should be appalled

Hi,
I have completed a MRes in Sexuality and Gender Studies researching the impact of Sexuality, Relationship and Health Education (RSHE) in secondary schools on the lived experience of young people; I am currently a PhD student in Health Services Management and my research investigates the impact of RSHE on specific gendered sexual behaviours and expectations, and on violence against women and girls.

I am writing on here because as a woman and the parent of a daughter who is now 21 I have had to face many challenges in guiding and supporting her navigating sexual relationships as many of her struggles were similar to the ones I had as a teenager, but a lot of the pressure young people face today feels more violent also due to the accessibility of porn from a very young age and the influence of social media. As a parent and a researcher I have put together a teaching and learning RSHE resource to support young people through difficult topics around sex, and frankly, their parents too. It's called All Of Us: Storytelling to Develop Critical Thinking in Sex Education and it's essentially based on storytelling and an attentive pedagogy to support the building of critical thinking in young people, as well as empathy, self awareness and self advocacy.
In this anthology of interviews 20 participants recount the most positive and the most negative sexual encounters in their adolescence. Together, we organically reflect on the cultural, social and personal factors that contributed to make each experience either wonderful or dreadful. The storytellers also share advice they would have wanted to hear as adolescents with the aim to support young people in navigating early sexual experience more safely, authentically and joyfully. It is empathic, sincere and deep thinking, and it provides a safe context to bridge different perspectives, build critical thinking, challenge harmful gender stereotypes and foster solidarity beyond age difference and including different genders and sexual orientations.

So first of all, the storytellers are from a real age range, so some are in their 20s, some in their 40s, 50s, and even 60s.

And some case scenarios are for instance: one talks about the fact that when she would have sex with her boyfriend, he pressurised her to do things in a certain way, including shaving her pubic hairs, because he was watching a lot of porn which influenced his sexual behaviours and expectation in women. She talks about how she was confused but stood her ground and did not comply.

Another describes again how the demands of her boyfriend made her feel uncomfortable because he had been influenced by watching porn and how she thoughtbthere was something wrong with her for not feeling excited about sex. So she went to a sex therapist who explained to her she was a healthy young woman in body and mind, but what was requested of her was not.

It's fundamental to consider that each participant also talks about the best sexual experience they had, so we also look at what healthy relationships and feelings look and feel like. And that they all provide young and older readers with advice they wish they had received in their adolescence -providing a very supportive, empathic and empowering frame to this reading.

I believe this reading could help your son finding some answer to the questions he may have and could make him feel it's ok to feel confused and ask questions, as we are all here to learn, big or small.

I really hope this helps, and please feel free to let me know what you think.