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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

16 year olds - where can they go to socialise?

23 replies

Flyhigher · 15/12/2023 19:59

What did your 16 year olds do to socialise?
Hang out in your house? Or other parents ?
They all seem to smoke and vape. And drink a bit. How did you navigate all this?

OP posts:

Original poster

Flyhigher · 15/12/2023 19:59

Help!

OP posts:

Comefromaway · 15/12/2023 20:01

youth theatre

Duvetdweller · 15/12/2023 20:03

I have an 18 and a 16. We have their friends round a lot. Our home is their home. The 15/16 year olds do drink but they know how to behave and they’re very respectful so we let them come again. I’m not trying to be cool mum but they’re going to do it anyway so I’d rather they were somewhere safe. Also they’re lovely kids - the 18 year olds particularly are marvellous, I love having them round but have been having them for years so now have a relationship with them.

Duvetdweller · 15/12/2023 20:04

None of them smoke - a couple vape but never indoors

Original poster

Flyhigher · 15/12/2023 20:13

Am very envious!

OP posts:

MigGirl · 15/12/2023 20:17

DD 16 says a lot of kids vap at college, she doesn't drink.

She is to busy to do much socialising, she goes to explorers and goes shopping with her friends sometimes. But is either swimming/college/working or volunteering most of the time. Yes I know my child is busy a lot but she says she likes it.

Original poster

Flyhigher · 15/12/2023 20:19

Better to be busy. Much better!

OP posts:

Original poster

Flyhigher · 15/12/2023 20:20

I think the boys vape more. But a few girls do too. I don't think she vapes much. If at all.

OP posts:

titchy · 15/12/2023 20:22

If memory serves they take it in turns to host a 'gathering' at their house each week. Vape/smoke in garden. Alcohol allowed. Parents out but returned by 12 which was leaving time (picked up or Uber or bus home).

Muchtoomuchtodo · 15/12/2023 20:24

Ours are 18 and 16. Neither vape and they’re not interested in drinking.

ds1 goes to the gym a lot, he and his friends go to the pub to play pool (lots of friends are still 17 so drinking doesn’t really feature) he goes fishing, mountain biking and he plays rugby for the local club.

ds2 goes to the gym much less than ds2 but he’s snowed under with schoolwork atm so but the time he’s done that, music practice and lesson, explorers (Scouts) and rugby training and matches there’s not a huge amount of time left!

PermanentTemporary · 15/12/2023 20:27

Probably helped that ds was in and out of lockdown at that age.

One of ds's friends' dads bought him a volleyball kit. Cue big gatherings in the park for volleyball. The park is overlooked by lots of friends and no-one has seen them vape.

Ds was into athletics, trained once or twice a week at the club and went to the gym alone or with friends. Also chatting online while gaming.

He's v academic so was working a lot too, plus from 17 he had a job turoring kids in coding.

NetballHoop · 15/12/2023 20:29

We have a garden cabin that they trudge across the garden to with their clanking school back packs filled with whatever booze they could lay their hands on.

None of them smoke, a few vape and they're always very polite and say "thank you Mrs Netballhoop" when they leave. They even take their shoes off in the house.

I like having them here as it means I have some idea of what's going on but at an arm garden's length.

3milyJ · 15/12/2023 20:35

My DDs are 20 and 17. I've never allowed smoking or vaping inside or the garden but have let them drink lower strength drinks in moderation when they were 16. They tended to have friends round or go to their friends parents. Everyone has different rules in their house and I do think it's what works for you. They won't always like it but when they have their own place they can make the rules. I've always been quite strict on wanting to know who will be in the house and having met them. At the end of the day it is my house and I don't think that's hugely unreasonable (older DD very much did think it was unreasonable!)

My youngest started playing guitar when she was 13 and she's been in various bands (of distinctly varying quality) and plays with her friends since she was about 14 which occupied her and gave her something to focus on rather than just sitting around on the sofa or mooching about the shops.

familyissues12345 · 15/12/2023 20:44

DS1 hit 16 just before Covid hit so his is a bit flawed. When he could see mates, they generally went round each others houses. Now 20 and they like a good drink together...

DS2 is 15, he goes to a youth group which he loves, when not there he's either festering in his pit or wandering around with friends

CrikeyMajikey · 15/12/2023 20:58

I have an 18 and 15 year old. Both do a lot of sport, youngest particularly so. They’re at a selective school so quite a lot of homework. They do socialise and drink, usually within someone’s house. I’m happy to have them at our house as it allows me to keep an eye on what’s going on; I’d rather that than them be in a field or park drinking. Boys girls vape, but not indoors.

I do feel a bit sorry for them, when I was 16 there were several disco’s locally each week that we could sneak into and have a few drinks. There’s nothing like that, need to be over 18 and have ID.

Dacadactyl · 15/12/2023 21:00

My 16 yo spends her time studying, volunteering, doing 2 hobbies and going out with friends for stuff to eat/the cinema/attempting to get served in pubs (which she has some success with on occasion)

She doesn't vape but a lot of her friends do.

Pifful · 15/12/2023 21:04

Mine are older now but at 16 or so they had what they called "gatherings" at each others houses.
We live in a small village and their friends all dotted about in other villages so parents had to drop off and collect. No smoking or vaping, the odd cider.
Sometimes it was cinema or bowling. Not much to do round here and all required lots of lifts. DH did a lot of ferrying around of their friends as wrll because some of the kids parents wouldn't do it.

Sunshineismyfavourite · 15/12/2023 21:06

Lots and lots of sport! Both mine joined sports clubs and joined in with all events linked to them. We also had a cabin at the end of our garden which was a great place for the teens to hang out which they often did. We also have a large church near us that does teen discos and regular evenings for teens that are thankfully deemed to be cool enough to attend though we don't worship at the church. Vaping wasn't really a thing a few years ago when mine were teens but DS dabbled with smoking along with his mates. He never did it in our house (to my knowledge) or in front of me but you can't win all the battles sadly! Have a good look OP locally at church groups etc you may be surprised what is out there and maybe places you'd never have thought of.

Almondmum · 15/12/2023 21:10

Mine hang out at each others houses. They go to the gym a lot or 'go gym' as the kids annoyingly call it these days..they go to the cinema or for food. He plays football. My daughter played violin and was in a couple of orchestras.

In the summer he was out on his bike quite a bit.

All far more wholesome than when I was their age and we all just used to go out and get pissed.

Original poster

Flyhigher · 15/12/2023 21:47

We've had that! Go gym. I guess it's alliterative.

OP posts:

shitsuit23466 · 16/12/2023 17:02

Youth politics

Artymum77 · 16/12/2023 20:58

My DS is 16, in Y11. We have a basement and he has a large friendship group of girls and boys, our house seems to be the hangout spot. They bring drinks and I'd say he drinks nearly every weekend. Also goes to parties at other's houses fairly often. He's definitely vaped and a lot of his friends do, probably in my basement. I know he's done weed but not at my house. He's into his vintage clothes so goes to vintage clothes markets with his friends, he's part of a rugby club and also 'goes gym'. I'd rather they drink at mine than out on the street though.

Hellocatshome · 16/12/2023 21:01

DS is either at his apprenticeship, at the gym, at football either playing or watching, at his girlfriends or his girlfriend is here. He does occasionally 'go for a walk' with his friends from round the corner, I believe this is code for go down the beach and vape.

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