How to connect with my teen boy

[justl0st]

I'm struggling to connect with my boys as they are getting older, I need some ideas of things I can do with them to keep them chatting to me and not close off to their rooms. I am a single mum and have a younger girl so having 1 on 1 time with them is hard, as is taking them out to do the older kids stuff as I have to find someone to watch the youngest (we do do stuff just for them but prob once every couple of months without the little one) she does tag along to some things I do with them, and vice versa.

We cook together and take turns finding new recipes to try mainly fakeaway. Whilst we are cooking we listen unsolved mystery/crime/missing people podcasts and discuss our theories.

I go to the gym with my eldest on his non college days and I cook with both of them. Driving them to activities such as Airsoft for us is an opportunity to chat and catch up. Car journeys are good for chats! Dinner out can be a fun thing even if it's just a pub lunch or carvery on Sunday. Food is a powerful incentive to talk to their mother!

I get on pretty well with my 15yo son.

We go running together, and I sign us up for a couple of longer races a year - it's expensive but it gives us a reason to have to go for training runs and I love the time together.

I also ask him for help cooking dinner, or doing the supermarket run. It's nice to have one on one time even if it is just doing chores.

I find books that he'd like and we both read them and chat about them. Same with crappy old 90s action films. I don't share his love of video games, but I'm happy to go out of my comfort zone and read sci fi or watch old Nic Cage movies.

And for Christmas someone got us a family quiz book and we often do a 10 question quiz challenge - just while doing the washing up or folding laundry.

What about gaming with him? Watching comedy together, watching some boxset etc.

Just find something you can enjoy together that doesn't cost money that way you can do it often.

Fortunately DH and I both enjoy gaming so that always kept a connection. We all played a game online together for an hour this week. He will always be there for food as well at home or eating out. Snacks in bedroom fine but no dinner plates were ever being taken in to bedrooms. My friend who is literally too nice for her own good let her teen DS eat in their rooms now she eats alone. I just wouldn’t have cooked for them.

Gaming together is a good one - might be worth doing a bit of practice in between if you’re as rubbish as I am!

Also playing cards, board games. Maybe learn a grown up game that adults play together - chess, card games, -bridge??

Talking about things they’re interested in also. (Lots of maths and physics chat as per PP that I have no clue about but you do pick up some jargon plus it can be interesting, esp re space/planets).

Sending funny memes - or just things you think would interest them - via WhatsApp.

Plus ask what would they like to do.

That said it’s all about very short periods of time before they’re back in their room again. Mine’s got a bit more sociable as he has approached 17.

And eat together too.

I’ve always tried to make dinner time quality time with my boys, always eating together and cooking stuff with them it for them that we all like, talking about our day and how gaming is going and weird stuff happening during gaming (gaming was big 😁)

that was a nice habit and we still do this if they are both at home (18 and 21)

never took them to theme parks and football matches, and after dinner they’d go back to their rooms. But those 20 minutes eating together was a nice way to connect and talk with them

Took the 18yr old to Home Bargains which somehow turned quite jolly as he enjoyed picking an energy drink and a bag of sweets, like old times

small stuff is good. Also ask them to put music on and listen to their music, and make them listen to yours

so many small ways to connect, does not have to be big stuff. Just being interested in what they are into and how they think and what matters in their life

We always eat together as a family! But like a previous poster said it is hard to get that one on one time with him which I think is what we need! The home bargains trip has reminded me of when I took the kids to Costco a few weeks ago, I gave them £10 each just my middle two the little one was with nanny and we had a great evening seeing what sweets we could get haha! Can't afford that all the time though that place is lethal haha!

Eldest seems very disconnected, he only really wants to come and spend time with us if it's going out doing a paid activity to his liking. Inviting him over for dinner etc he just makes excuses. (My cooking isn't that bad haha)

I could try gaming with the boys in a evening, I am actually semi okay. We did do that a year or so ago for a while and they liked it. Sometimes my brother would join in too! Lol!

Ask him which comedians and comedy series he likes, and then sit down and watch them with him.