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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Bringing girls home

14 replies

whoscoatsthatjacket2012 · 10/12/2023 15:10

Looking for other opinions on whether I'm a boring old fart or not.
DSS is 18. He doesn't have a girlfriend but has twice now brought a girl home during the night.

I'm not comfortable with this as I don't think he'd be welcome at a random girls house just for a shag.
DH and agree it's not on and it should only be actual girlfriends he brings home to stay over.

Is this normal for a teen or not.

OP posts:
RougeFraise · 10/12/2023 15:11

Wow. That is so disrespectful! Absolutely no way would I allow that.

SallyWD · 10/12/2023 15:12

Yes I'd feel a bit uncomfortable about this. Girlfriend, fine but a random stranger for a shag? No.

foreverbasil · 10/12/2023 15:13

It's not what's "normal". It's up to you to make clear what your ground rules and boundaries are. Have you explained that you don't want him to bring people home?

Lorelaigilmore88 · 10/12/2023 15:14

I would absolutely not allow this. Mine are young so not at this stage yet, but i think he is massively taking the mick, it is hugely disrespectful.
You should have said something the first time he did it though!

HavfrueDenizKisi · 10/12/2023 15:17

Oh no. Random one night shags are most definitely not on and completely different to a full time girlfriend staying over.

OhComeOnFFS · 10/12/2023 15:24

No way! That's very disrespectful.

C1N1C · 10/12/2023 15:28

90% of me agrees with the above, but there's this 10% that feels that they're going to do it anyway, and in that respect I'd rather have it in a safe and controlled environment where hopefully protection is available/used than down a back alley, cold, vulnerable, and spontaneous.

waterrat · 10/12/2023 17:16

I think it's worth considering this a bit more carefully

He is an adult he will be having sex- I absolutely get it's not ideal when living at home - but where else is he going to do it?? He is in his room, safe - do you want him to not have sex at all until he moves out? Is there a plan for him to move out?

Singsonggsu · 10/12/2023 17:19

Your house your rules OP or it should be! My DS aged 18 wanted to bring gf home we said no, not unless it’s a long term relationship of 6 months minimum. After he’d calmed down he did say none of his friends parents allowed it either. Absolutely did not work our butts off to provide a lovely home for our family for my Randy DS to turn it into his shag palace 🫣

Original poster
whoscoatsthatjacket2012 · 10/12/2023 19:36

Good I'm glad I'm not being an old git.
DH has had a word.
He was told last time it was unacceptable but I think he thought we objected for different reasons then.

Spoke to one of his mates mums earlier too and they don't allow it either so I'm
Happy with our position.

OP posts:
NotTooOldPaul · 10/12/2023 19:41

C1N1C · 10/12/2023 15:28

90% of me agrees with the above, but there's this 10% that feels that they're going to do it anyway, and in that respect I'd rather have it in a safe and controlled environment where hopefully protection is available/used than down a back alley, cold, vulnerable, and spontaneous.

I agree with this. It is better that they are safe. If you were the girl's mother would you want her to be safe in a house or taking a risk outside. I have two daughters and two sons, it is not easy but keeping them safe is important.

Original poster
whoscoatsthatjacket2012 · 11/12/2023 10:55

waterrat · 10/12/2023 17:16

I think it's worth considering this a bit more carefully

He is an adult he will be having sex- I absolutely get it's not ideal when living at home - but where else is he going to do it?? He is in his room, safe - do you want him to not have sex at all until he moves out? Is there a plan for him to move out?

I get this but it's a one night stand and DD is only 10 in the next room

OP posts:
waterrat · 11/12/2023 11:14

yes totally can see not ideal. If he is off to uni - perhaps just tell him he needs to wait until he is living independently.....

MintJulia · 11/12/2023 11:15

Quite apart from anything else, I want to know how many people are in my house while I'm asleep, and whether they can be trusted.

That means no strangers/randoms unless there is a conversation with me first.

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