Should I let it go?

[mildlyfried]

I'm wondering about how I am handling my 19 year old son with ASD. He has a job at a supermarket with the shifts finishing at 11pm. He tends to eat his main meal with a couple of beers in front of the telly at midnight. The shifts all start either at 3 or 6pm.

It is the first job he has had and he's enjoying having money and the nice team there. He has suffered from low mood and isolation in the past due to his ASD issues. He was on anti-depressants for a time.

My problem is that he sleeps all morning/ early afternoon even on the days he doesn't work. He's never really had much of a social life other than family activities. I still steer him with tasks at home such as tidying his room, healthy diet etc. He isn't really independent and needs helps with shopping even though he works in a supermarket.

His sleep pattern is really triggering me. It feels wrong. I'm struggling when I hear him in the night up in his room clearly wide awake. Should I let it go? He has a job and is 19. He is quiet and wears headphones on his computer. Is this sleep pattern harmful? He seems to be nocturnal and I worry how he will manage in the future.

Thanks

I don’t think he’ll be able to sleep at a different rythm 2 days out the week from the other 5

It makes sense for him to stick to a regular sleep routine rather than chopping and changing. It does for most people but with ASD routine is even more important. I’d leave him be on this issue.

Well obviously he's going to sleep till the afternoon if he's working till late at night,
eating at midnight and presumably having a few hours after work to wind down, so going to bed at 4am. How else would he get a decent amount of sleep?

You do know many adults work night shifts and function quite well in society yes?

Work on the other skills though - doing own washing, keeping room clean, healthy-ish food choices.

I just feel like if he's going to work, paying his way, and living as an adult, you can't really dictate when he sleeps.

Thanks very much for all your replies. Its very helpful hearing your thoughts and I will back off.

@mildlyfried My Mum worked a night shift finishing at midnight and then had her journey home. People could not understand why she didn't go straight to bed, her answer was do you go to sleep at 6pm when you get in from work? Why do you think I would be any different? She needed time to eat and wind down like a normal evening would be for anyone else. I think she used to head to bed around 5am. She would be up for early afternoon for "breakfast" at lunch time.

It is better to stay in the routine of your normal working time as it is better for your body clock. You need to stop thinking that sleeping during the day is somehow lazy, lots of people do it because not everyone works a 9-5 job. Is it that you are missing his company? Maybe you can arrange some time together around his shifts.

Thanks for that Trunkler. You put it well. I do miss him and don't like to think of him alone in his room at night. It's a new routine I'll have to get used to.

My oh had to remind me of that when he started working nights. He doesn’t really have hobbies, doesn’t go on nights out, his whole life is me and the kids. His one guilty pleasure is two gins and a mafia documentary before bed. I was horrified the first morning when I came down at 7am with the baby to find him sat drinking watching his gangster films. He pointed out he’s just done a 12 hour night shift building a motorway and this is his evening time to him to unwind before bed.

Thank you User your comment is very helpful.