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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Waking them up?

20 replies

Blendiful · 07/12/2023 10:09

Do you wake your teens for things as they get older? Teen is not far off 18, and often oversleeps for college.

Chose to go to a college further away instead of the local one and was warned before this would mean an earlier start.

Recently I have been waking them as otherwise they are constantly late, but I don't want to be stuck doing this for the rest of their days, they will be expected soon to go into the world of work and I have my own job to get up for. Waking them means me having to wake myself an hour or more earlier than I need to be up and it is very frustrating

OP posts:

Mumblechum0 · 07/12/2023 10:11

I'd carry on waking him up for college. Presumably it won't be forever as he'll be going off to Uni in a year or two?

Bramshott · 07/12/2023 10:18

I do one (loud!) knock on the door at an agreed "you really need to be up by now" time but after that it's pretty much up to them. Although I WFH I am not going to be up and down the stairs every 10 minutes making sure they're up.

Bramshott · 07/12/2023 10:23

That said, knowing what they (and most teenagers!) are like in the mornings was one of the reasons we were keen that they chose the nearest college rather than one further away...

NeverneverNO12or3 · 07/12/2023 10:25

Nope mine are 19 and 14 and since start of secondary school they've been taught to wake themselves up. Dc1 is now working shifts and has to be up at 5:30am three days a week, I wouldn't want to be still getting up to wake dc1 so I'm glad I taught them young.

Original poster

Blendiful · 07/12/2023 11:19

My younger child (14) wakes themselves up daily with rare occasions they don't and I wake them.

But the nearly 18 year old has been a pain with it for a while.
Its around a 2 hour journey to college due to where it is, they knew this and we had a frank conversation about it.

I wouldn't mind so much if it felt like they were trying. But they stay up late daily and expect to be able to get up on 4 hours sleep, snooze the alarm and go back to sleep.

I have been doing it, but just wonder if I'm setting them up to fail. Highly unlikely they will go to uni, more likely to just work.

OP posts:

MaloneMeadow · 07/12/2023 11:32

Why can’t they just use an alarm clock? DD is 19 and although certainly not a morning person she knows when she has to get up and manages perfectly fine on her own. She’d hate me coming in her room or banging on the door - I haven’t woken her up since she was about 12!

Beamur · 07/12/2023 11:35

I always get up with my 16yr old. She's usually awake and often dressed, but I am the safety net in case she's snoozed! I don't feel right sleeping in while she's up by herself. I know she will do this when she's older, but right now she's still under my roof and care.

Seeline · 07/12/2023 11:40

I always got my two up until they finished A levels. DD was usually fine on her own, DS was always a disaster.
However, he managed fine when he went off to uni, so they get there in the end.
That said, if he is home from uni, if there is something really important, or he has uni work to do, he will sometimes ask me to kick him if he hasn't appeared by a certain time. I'm at home so it's no issue for me. I'd do the same for my DH if he asked (and have been known to kick him if he's fallen back asleep after his alarm has gone off!).

NoTouch · 08/12/2023 17:08

Some teens are better/most responsible than others, it is a difficult one because you don't want them to be late, but waking them puts the responsibility firmly on your shoulders.

With ds we put in consequences while he was still at school if he didn't get up himself and we had to wake him, such as switching off wifi ridiculously early at night as he obviously needed more sleep. 🤣 He soon got the message.

Desecratedcoconut · 08/12/2023 17:11

I still wake my 16yo up for college but he has to be up at 6:30 to get the bus on time - so there isn't much room for error. I never had to bother when he could sleep in till after 7am for school.

Original poster

Blendiful · 12/12/2023 22:39

MaloneMeadow · 07/12/2023 11:32

She has an alarm clock, her phone and an Alexa. But often switches them back off!

OP posts:

Original poster

Blendiful · 12/12/2023 22:41

Desecratedcoconut · 08/12/2023 17:11

I still wake my 16yo up for college but he has to be up at 6:30 to get the bus on time - so there isn't much room for error. I never had to bother when he could sleep in till after 7am for school.

She does have to get up around 6/6.30 to get ready and be out on time so I realise it's early.

But she makes little effort to sleep earlier at night, and as a result often keeps us awake too!!

I have to work all day, and she only has to be up that early for college 2 days per week, the others are later/days off.

It's tough as I don't want her to fully rely on me to wake her but if I don't then she'll just be late!

OP posts:

sillysausage92 · 07/10/2024 10:40

@Blendiful did you ever get a resolution for this? Our 18yr old has gone backward and isn't waking up and I'm regularly going in to find she's missed her college start time, I'm wfh but often on calls.

I'm getting to the end of my tether with her.

Delatron · 08/10/2024 18:26

We’ve worked through this with our DS 16. He needs to be out of the house by 7.10 to get the bus.

He was setting his alarm but if I didn’t hear him up by a certain time I would go and knock. But ended up doing this every day. When I left him to his own devices he did get up and out on time (he doesn’t give himself much time but that’s down to him).

I’ve actually found he leaves a couple of minutes earlier when I’m not back up than when I’m hovering.

So I think he takes responsibility and this is a good thing. He also has ADHD so should not be good at getting himself up and out!!

I decided I can’t do this for all his life so needs to do it himself. And deal with the consequences. He’s not missed a bus yet.

Delatron · 08/10/2024 18:26

Actually he’s 15! 16 in a few months.

reluctantbrit · 08/10/2024 21:51

We kind of stopped waking DD when she started Y13. She gets up between DH and me (we have breakfast together a 7am) so we normally just call for her that the bathroom is free.

She told us she added alarms to her phone and so far so good.

ByBreezySnail · 09/10/2024 15:25

The question is can he wake up on the weekend?
I get teenagers need more sleep even if they don’t like to admit it. If he gets up for things he wants to do I would have a chat about college, is the course right, making friends etc.
as for me I’ve got all my 3 up at some point being teenagers, but at some point you have to leave them to be late and deal with the consequences.

Manyshelves · 11/10/2024 23:39

Wouldn’t cross my mind to wake mine. It’s up to them to get up and organised

NewName24 · 12/10/2024 00:31

It's down to personality.

I have one I had to drag out of bed throughout 6th form, and two who have never needed me to get them up.

Even doing all the things to help with sleep hygiene, the one dc just couldn't do it. I figured that was something they needed help with that the others didn't.

They manage to get up for work, now, as an adult.

MumChp · 12/10/2024 00:33

Okd enough to choose a college in another town. Old enough to take responsibility to get sorted!

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