GCSE Revision - To Nag or Not To Nag

[Do1983]

Hi, DS15 is in year 11 and starts mock exams this week. I feel like he's been blagging me about the amount of revision he's done and I don’t know what to do about it. For year 10 mocks he seemed to be self motivated to revise but this time around I can't see any evidence of revision yet he tells me he's been doing it (I don’t believe he has).

He’ll stay in bed until gone lunch time every weekend, when he does wake up he’ll sit and watch tiktok for hours before getting up to eat. I'll go in and wake him up at frequently from 9am onwards but it achieves nothing. For the last few weeks I've been asking him to get up and revise but he just grunts or bites my head off and says “in a bit.”

He reckons he's been using quizlet but his screentime says he used it for 6mins last week!! I asked him to do 2-3 hours revision yesterday, but he spent over 10hrs on his phone and 5.5hrs on tiktok alone (bearing in mind he didn't get out of bed until gone lunch time and didn't start “revising” until about 2pm). He was then on his computer playing games with his friends. I've said he can't focus on revision if he's distracted by his phone all the time.

When I've spoken to him about the situation he says he doesn't need to revise because he did well in his year 10 mocks (he got mostly 6/7s with one 8 and one 5). His predicted grades for his GCSEs are 5-7s. He said he's happy if he gets 6s for his actual exams and just wants to be average. He goes to a grammar school.

I'm really worried he's completely underestimated things and thinks he can just wing it. He reckons he's gonna start revising for his actual GCSEs in January and says things like “are you stupid, of course I'm gonna revise?” but he just seems really unmotivated, disinterested and lazy at the moment.

Should I just let him do his thing and see what happens? Maybe I'm worrying for nothing and will be pleasantly surprised. I defintely dont want to be a helicopter parent and micromanage his time but what if he wings it and it backfires? Need to get the mocks out of the way this week and thinking his results will be a good indicator of whether he needs a kick up the bum or not….so I guess my question is if he does need a kick up the bum what is the best way to handle it without nagging him and getting on his nerves. Just want the best for him but realise he needs to take responsibility for himself too.

Does he plan to stay on in current school for 6th form?
If so, does he know what the entry requirements are for the subjects he wants to do?
He may think 6 is enough but grammar schools usually want 7s and also 8s for many subjects such as Maths and Physics.

Have you taken him to any open evenings for Btech courses and non grammar schools?

He wants to stay on at the grammar school 6th form but is also considering a local college too. He would do the same A-Levels at either so would just need to make final decision after exam results.

6th form entry requirements gade 6 or above in 5 subjects, with grade5 or above in English and Maths.

College requirements are grade 6 or above in 3 subjects and grade 4 or above for English and Maths.

We had this exact situation a few weeks ago; my DCs views were very similar to yours about doing well in year 10! In the end we backed off and decided to see what happens; long story short the results were not as good as in year 10 and it’s given DC a bit of a shock.
It seemed like a good idea to let them make their own mistakes for mocks in the hope that it makes them realise that for the actual exams they need to knuckle down.
Our approach now is to ask what they need to do and what we can do to help with the next exams, we’ve also been quite clear that if these exams go badly because of a lack of effort that it’s their life it’s effecting and it’s not us who have to live with the consequences

Yes, this is the approach I am taking with DD1, who simply won’t take any advice or offers of help. It seems that some people, including my DD, need to learn important life lessons the hard way!

He will soon see what works he needs to put in after this set of mocks. My DS discovered his notes were not good enough for some gcses after mocks and rewrote a load from January onwards to get mainly 9/8 and a 7. He had a 4 and a 5 for 2 mocks and got them up to 8s by rewriting and revising properly for the real thing. It sort of kicked in and actually made sure during 6th form he worked consistently and made sure he had a good set of notes as he went along.

Although you have said minimum requirements to stay on at grammar he may find some subjects they will want a 7 or even 8 to be allowed to do the A level in that subject.

This was us a couple of years ago. Just nagging didn’t really work. What did work was taking a more active approach, including helping him with his timetable, testing him at the end of the day, marking past papers for him etc. (I wfh so this was possible). If I just nagged him to work he’d sit there looking at a page of notes for an hour and nothing would go in. It was much better to suggest eg that he learns a page of vocab and does a past maths paper in a 2 hour slot (or whatever) and then test him on the vocab, mark the paper and spend 10 mins discussing it. We also had a daily 10 minute slot together for learning Latin translation and he talked through all his science with DH at the weekends- so he’d learn a topic and then try to explain it to DH who would steer him if he went wrong.

This is obviously a lot of work and in an ideal world wouldn’t be needed but I think for some kids it really helps. Just telling them to revise if they have never been taught how doesn’t help much.

Exactly the same here. DD starts mocks tomorrow. I think she did about 30 mins of revision max yesterday.

The other thing to consider is if he starts A levels with those grades what do students typically achieve A level grades wise from a 6 or a 7? For maths that usually results in a C or D. Does he know what he wants to do post 18? It is his intention to go on to uni? Does he know about uni entry grades?

He also needs to consider that his mocks are not a true test because he isn't being tested nationally against his cohort nor is he doing a full set of papers. The grade curve applies and he will be competing against students who are far more motivated and revising and maybe whose parents are paying a lot of money to ensure their child gets a great education. Mine spent summer of year 10 looking back at what they could improve on from those year 10 mock papers. In year 11 they are just adding more content to learn, understand and then revise on top off all the year 10 work.

As pp have said as this is mocks I would leave it now and stop trying to discuss it with him. Let him make a mistake now whilst it is not critical so that he can learn from it and make change in time for his GCSE's.

I know it's easier said than done but they do have to transition gradually to taking responsibility for their own decisions and effort levels. This is a better time to do it than pushing him now and him doing well then sitting back thinking he can do very little for the rest of the year.

My DS didn't do as well in his yr 10 exams as he wanted to. He knew he had started revision too late. He has just done the yr 11 prelims and definitely worked a bit harder this time and it showed in the results.

One thing I would say is that I would let him know that if he wants to go to Uni he needs to do the best he can in his GCSE's as a lot of Unis do take these into account when making offers. Whilst he may only need 6's to get into college it may restrict his choices for the next stage.

This seems to be so common for this age group! I don't know how much Covid is to blame, or technology, but many of them seem ill-equipped for revision!

My son was exactly as you describe but has now sat his first few mock exams and the penny has dropped! As I feared he had underestimated the amount of effort needed. However I have seen his attitude improving so there is hope, I just worry that it is too little to late.

As others have said, linking efforts made now to future aspirations is key.
And while I have nagged, what has worked better has been opening discussions about his revision plans, and offering suggestions about things he can do.

He is very keen to manage it himself and it is important to give him that agency but I make it known that I can support with whatever is needed and he has started to take me up on that.

You have given the general entry requirements, but have you/he also checked the subject specific ones?
e.g. If he wants to do maths they may well require a 7 minimum.

Maybe at this point don't nag for mocks, see how they go.
But perhaps start dropping the seed of phone out of room when revising?

DD1's school said to agree revision break times with friends so they could all take a break at the same time to catch up, rather than being on the phone with FOMO.

What do you do if they screw their mocks up and it still doesn't give them the kick in the pants to actually make an effort?

DS15, in year 11. Intelligent lad. Could have gone to one of the local grammar schools, but decided a non-selective was more suitable for him as he's not hugely driven academically. Originally predicted 7/8 across the board.

Had a crappy year in Yr10 - some bullying, which the school dealt with, and then he got caught up in a whole messy thing over a girl, and his grades seriously dropped. Easter results were a shock to both of us. Did put some effort in to trying to improve things, and had slightly better results in mocks just before summer, but still looking at mostly 5s. Did more mocks in Nov and just had the results from those, and they're worse.

Has no idea what he wants to do post-18. No really idea what he wants to do post-GCSE. Still living in the dreamworld that he'll make it big in gaming. 🙄🤦‍♀️

I'm naturally academic, with a love of learning. His dad is not. DS seems to have inherited my brain, but his dad's nature, so has all the potential to do amazingly, but zero drive or inclination. All I can see is him throwing his future away, and I don't know what to do/how to handle it. Dad is as much use as a chocolate teapot (we're divorced, but get on fine - nice guy, but not exactly successful in life so not a great role model for DS from that perspective).

I'm at my wits end. Part of me thinks I should just let him get on with it and learn from the consequences, except that I know that I'll be the one having to help him pick up the pieces when that happens which is yet another battle.

@StarlaBell I'd look at vocational courses and apprenticeships. What are his interests apart from gaming?

tbh If he's bright, then if he matures later and wants more he can always do an access course and go to uni as a mature student. He is in a 'better' position than someone who just doesn't have the academic ability.

@StarlaBell Or bribery / reward system - for each 6 or above you'll give him £X ?