First Teen Heartbreak

[NoKnickerElastic]

Sharing on here as feel a bit embarrassed to admit IRL that I am devastated by my DD's (17) long term relationship ending! We really liked the BF, he had become part of the family although realistically we knew this day would come as its the 1st relationship for both of them. DD hasn't revealed much but says decision was mutual, it seems to have come totally out of the blue. I am happy DD appears OK & I would absolutely not share these feelings with her but I feel so upset about it. Please tell me I'm not alone with feeling like this, it seems ridiculous!

I have a 17yo dd who has just broken up with her bf, I did feel a bit sad as he was nice but at the same time I think dd is too young to be in a serious relationship 🤷‍♀️

I think you need to remind yourself that she is still very young and it's a good thing she has her freedom back!

You’re not alone. My DD broke up with her first boyfriend earlier this year and I too was devastated. I think it’s common as I searched up similar threads at the time.

He was a lovely, lovely boy who came for dinner once a week, joined in games with the family and chatted away like an old friend. I definitely emotionally invested in him; I wanted him to feel at home, welcome and to like us all. It was hard for a few weeks, felt like my own break-up, but thinking about it I’ve not had any ‘relationship’ hardship for 25+ years and I think I was a bit out of practice.

DD has a new BF, he’s just as lovely, made to feel just as welcome and I feel in a much better position to deal with a break-up.

That is a lovely post to read, thank you. I too tried to make BF feel welcome and really enjoyed his company. I think it takes me back to my own teen 1st love, perhaps that's why it's so painful! I want to share my feelings with DH but I expect he'd laugh at me! (not in an unkind way, he's just not as invested as me obviously!)

This has happened recently when my DC split up with their partner. I had really got used to him being around and I really liked him. It’s perfectly normal to feel the way you do. I just didn’t let on to my DC how I felt. I have to admit I have cried over it and will miss him. He was a lovely lad and was kind to my other DC.

It's very normal!
My DD and her boyfriend are still together, but when they had their first real fight in September and she was in tears for a day, I cried too (not in front of her).
They are so young, and heartbreak is so painful! I'm not looking forward to this, even though I was not happy that the relationship got so serious at 15.

Another perspective might be to credit yourself with having the type of relationship with your daughter.

I don't think any of the trials and tribulations of my life have featured in my mother's consciousness at all. I had a particularly bad breakup years ago and told her about it, you know, for a bit of moral support perhaps, and to explain why I might have been a bit grouchy. Her response was "why are you telling me this?"

I think that the fact you feel this way is a huge credit to you and the relationship you have created with your daughter.

Thank you. I had an almost identical experience with my own DM and honestly it saddens me to this day. Funnily enough I am considering asking DM not to be dismissive of DD's feelings when they next meet. Or perhaps just explain to DD that her Nan is likely to be unsympathetic and not to take it to heart!

This is happening at the moment with my DD. They've been together cover 2 years, were totally in love, but it's just not working out when one of them went to uni and the other didn't.

I found myself inextricably upset last week over it, but today I can see that actually even though they decided to try and work it out, BF (as lovely as he is) has made so little effort, I think it may be for the best.

I have been pleasantly surprised by how much DD has confided in me, as PPs have said we must be doing something right.