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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

13yr old DD - possible ND?

2 replies

DataColour · 22/11/2023 09:49

My DD is 13 and in year 9.

Her behaviour is concerning me and I'm finding it really stressful to deal with now.

She has always been socially introverted. We used to put in down to being shy. Even to her grandparents she is not very forthcoming and friendly, but will thaw over time the longer she spends with them. So by the end of the day she is fine.
Her "shyness" comes across as rude now that she is no longer a small child. She has one close friend at school and a couple of friends outside of school. Not good at making new friends and won't join in with group activities, although she did attend scouts etc she was often alone and refused to join in and a couple of times was in tears. It's not the activity she didn't like, but the fact she had to engage with other people.
She doesn't like to talk to people when we are out and about and sometimes when we are visiting friends with the kids it can be frustrating and embarassing for us. My DS 15 is very sociable, so a stark contrast. We end up having to make excuses for her a lot of the time.

Her personal hygiene is not good. She sometimes lies about having had a shower and often smells of sweat. Good with teeth brushing though.

Her room is the worst room in the house. She has a massive room, so not lack of space, but we find bits of food, rolled up dirty bits of tissue paper, clothes strewn all over the floor, empty packets of food hidden, all her drawers are a mess, her desk is covered with stuff. She plays with makeup, wax, etc and smears it on light switches and walls etc Everyday we ask her to tidy her room and everyday she does it grudgingly but in a couple of hours it's gone back to how it was.

She is extremely stubborn. She can never be bribed or coerced into anything (like most kids can be), will stand her ground is she doesn't want to do something, which includes revision etc. She does do her homework though.

He school work is very messy and her books have missing sections. Her teachers have commented on this too.

She is generally quiet, not a natural talker. But we don't know whether it's because her brother who's 21 months older to her is the opposite and takes all the attention (he's currently on the waiting list to be diagnosed ADHD and one symptom is excessive talking), and growing up with him as made her quieter.

Any ideas about whether this is usual teenage girl behaviour or something that needs investigating? Thanks

OP posts:
DataColour · 22/11/2023 09:52

She is pretty intelligent and doing fine academically in a grammar school.

OP posts:
Chocolatecoveredshitpig · 23/11/2023 09:58

Hello, she sounds very similar to my DD, who is nearly 15, (except for the personal hygiene part - mine spends hours in the bathroom and doing her makeup!). Everything else sounds very familiar though, even down to the grammar school and doing well academically. She does not like interacting with strangers or people she doesn't know well.
My DD was diagnosed with combined ADHD earlier this year. We had to have her assessed privately as our GP said she didn't reach the threshold for NHS help. The school weren't much help as she is a high academic achiever, but they did concede that there were problems in her social conduct and friendships. They've been great since she received her diagnosis - lots of help has been put in place.
As her sibling is already on the pathway for diagnosis, this makes it more likely she has it too. My DD is an only child, but since she was diagnosed we've come to realise that it probably came from me, (currently undiagnosed, Dr not interested). I'd look into getting her assessed if I were you. Good luck!

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