14 yr old daughter difficult

[ETphonehome77]

My 14 year old daughter is becoming increasingly difficult to deal with. We found out in the summer that she was self harming and she is seeing a counsellor regularly however, her attitude has become pretty bad and she only seems to think about herself. We are finding the phone usage a nightmare too and have put a rule in place for the phone to be out of her room by 9 pm during the week but we have to constantly go on at her. She has been seeing her first boyfriend for a couple of months now (which we thought might be good for her as she has low self esteem issues) but she has only got worse. My husband & I are at a loss and finding it increasingly stressful with her anger outbursts and general attitude. Can anyone advise?

Sorry to hear this. Have you asked her about the self harming? Is it worth offering her professional help if she won’t speak to you or your husband? Sending strength

I think she’s having a really tough time with something that she’s not disclosing to you. Her behaviour will just be a symptom of a larger problem.

Could you have a conversation with her and just tell her you know something’s bothering her and you’re here to listen and help when she’s ready.

As previously mentioned you can access professional help through school, your GP, local authority, or charities.

The school nurse might be able to point you in the direction of support for your dd. It is worth speaking to the guidance leader at school about your concerns.

Keep the phone rule in place.

Maybe look at NVR to help you all during the angry outbursts.

www.partnershipprojectsuk.com/non-violent-resistance-nvr/parents/#:~:text=In%20Non%2DViolent%20Resistance%2C%20parents,painful%20battles%20of%20the%20past.

I do speak to her about the self harming and she’ll touch on it by saying how she’s feeling but hard to get much out of her. She is seeing a counsellor every two weeks.

Thank you for this. I hadn’t thought about speaking to the school nurse. I have been in touch with the pastoral manager at the school who did speak to her but that’s it. She is having counselling too and we have also spoken with MAP when we first found out. I just don’t know what else I can do.

Hi OP, I found the book Untangled by Lisa Damour really good for helping me to understand my teenage DD (she's 16 now).

I love Lisa Damour, she has an excellent podcast called Ask Lisa, it’s been really helpful

Thanks. I will take a look!