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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Supporting young DS at beginning of puberty

7 replies

coffeetime1 · 20/11/2023 14:28

Hi, DS (10) has started showing signs of starting puberty. We have previously discussed changes that will happen to him, and we do talk quite regularly (in a relaxed way, rather than a sit down talk) about this. He is happy asking questions and doesn't get embarrassed (which is all brilliant). I have started to notice changes to his personality over the past couple of weeks, which resulted in an anger outburst from him last night (about having a shower) and he has woken up this morning appearing sad. I spoke to him quietly about it this morning (away from his younger brother) and he said he felt sad but wasn't sure why. I got extra cuddles from him before he went to school so I think he's feeling unsettled and confused (understandably) about these changes.

I want to make sure I am supporting him in the right way. I am a single mother though he does see his Dad every other weekend and 1 day during the week, though from talking to his Dad and to him I know they haven't talked about puberty and it is being left to me. I have a partner (he doesn't live with us) who my son feels close to and he will talk to my mum and stepdad so he does have a good support network.

Does anyone have any advice or tips about the best way through this, the best way I can support him. When he had his large outburst last night, I told him I loved him, made sure he was safe but walked out of sight (I was still nearby but he couldn't see me) whilst he was impossible to talk to (everything was winding him up further so he showered whilst sobbing and shouting) and then shortly afterwards went and had a chat and cuddle with him telling him why I walked away, why he felt as he did and that I loved him. This behaviour is completely out of character for him, he has genuinely been so easy to raise from being a baby.

I understand it isn't his fault, there are big changes taking place in his body which can be scary and confusing. I just want him to feel as safe and secure as possible whilst going through this. Thank you

OP posts:
dontforgetme · 20/11/2023 14:37

No advice op as my son is still primary age but just wanted to say you sound like a really amazing mom Flowers

eurotravel · 20/11/2023 14:38

Have you bought him books on puberty to read in his own time & space?

Original poster
coffeetime1 · 20/11/2023 14:50

dontforgetme · 20/11/2023 14:37

No advice op as my son is still primary age but just wanted to say you sound like a really amazing mom Flowers

Thank you so much Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
coffeetime1 · 20/11/2023 14:50

eurotravel · 20/11/2023 14:38

Have you bought him books on puberty to read in his own time & space?

I have, he has it in his room and every now and again I sit with him and go through part of it.

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 20/11/2023 14:58

There are some great YouTube dad's who teach boys what they wished their dads had taught them, how to shave, tying a tie etc which your DS might like. Angry outburst should be squashed with a positive outlet where possible . I found playing rugby kept the 'grrs' away for DD due to its physicality.

Boundaries are key with teenagers,they need to be bomb proof because they'll push against them inorder to feel safe. Keep clear expectations, so if personal hygiene is an issue make it clear that showering once a day is expected, but when you are following it up sandwich it with something positive "Hey Barry, are you going to have breakfast/hot chocolate before or after your shower?" There's a choice to be made but the shower is non negotiable.

I was surprised at how much directed parenting DD needed as a teen, it almost feels more than when she was 8/9.

Original poster
coffeetime1 · 20/11/2023 20:54

Singleandproud · 20/11/2023 14:58

There are some great YouTube dad's who teach boys what they wished their dads had taught them, how to shave, tying a tie etc which your DS might like. Angry outburst should be squashed with a positive outlet where possible . I found playing rugby kept the 'grrs' away for DD due to its physicality.

Boundaries are key with teenagers,they need to be bomb proof because they'll push against them inorder to feel safe. Keep clear expectations, so if personal hygiene is an issue make it clear that showering once a day is expected, but when you are following it up sandwich it with something positive "Hey Barry, are you going to have breakfast/hot chocolate before or after your shower?" There's a choice to be made but the shower is non negotiable.

I was surprised at how much directed parenting DD needed as a teen, it almost feels more than when she was 8/9.

Some great ideas here, thank you. I will check out YouTube and I love the idea of following up a non-negotiable with a positive.

He has been a different child this evening, my usual boy has returned. We walked the dog just the 2 of us. He didn't want to come with me to start (my mum was watching my youngest son) but then commented on how he really enjoyed the walk. He was singing, dancing and being his usual happy self. We had a chat as part of the walk too which was great. I have a feeling the mood swings are going to become more frequent and I'm so grateful for these suggestions.

OP posts:
Kangaboo · 20/11/2023 21:12

In the nicest possible way I would try not to focus on it too much. Just like you will have days when your hormones affect you but you don’t really want people monitoring/making a big deal about it.

He obviously knows you’ve got his back & he knows he can ask you questions. School and the book you’ve provided will give him the info he needs so just carry on as normal.

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