Is this normal??

[Kleeklee86]

My oh has teenager just turned 13, is obsessed with make up won’t leave house without it! Ends up on a big argument, I struggle to cope with the laziness leaves bath water in, clothes on floor I mean it’s not hard to pick up after yourself, the moodiness is absurd only interested in what she wants/needs it’s draining oh rally’s around she face times from room for food/drink I mean come on surely I’m not being unreasonable, I was a teenager once and ok I left clothes on floor but the phone and make up obsession at that age apparently all the girls wear it and that 😑

I didn’t need to read your thread to suspect the answer was likely to be “yup, completely normal”. For your own sanity read up on teenagers/teenage brains and be prepared to not sweat the small stuff for a few years.

Welcome to teenagers 😂 As pp says, don't sweat the small stuff or you'll be nagging 24/7.

Definitely echo pp, I find I need to pick my battles and at times just walk away.
However, she should be emptying the bath etc, at least some of the time. Your OH needs to speak to her about that.
I probably have a 30% success rate with this though. Good luck it is not for the faint hearted.

Obviously I’m not her mum so I don’t get involved but it gets to me she can’t even be bothered to pick up after herself or put something in the bin 😂 I like a clean house

For your own sanity, let whatever happens in her own room go. You can insist on the state of the common areas, but leave the state of her own room be. Also, it should be your oh's job, not yours; you can only alienate her by nagging too much.

Why does her wearing makeup bother you so much? It doesn’t have any effect on you!

As others have said,this is completely normal.
As far as the make up and skincare go yes it is much more of a thing than it ever was when I was that age but I can still remember experimenting with eyeliners etc at home. There is no point fighting it but we have set boundaries ie she can experiment aa much as she wants at home but no make up for school (they are policed heavily on this anyway) and outside the house has to be neutrals and the clean look with no foundation as teenage skin just doesn't need it. We actually bond over it as she teaches me new techniques and vice versa etc, I don't want her to wear it but I also realise it's a battle not worth having. I save my energy for the really important battles!

It’s not it bothers me as such is just a pain when we’re going out and it’s a battle if there’s not a face full of make up then there’s the mood swings it’s uneasy to be around at times

@Kleeklee86 the whole point of adolescence is to push against parents to help forge your own identity. Therefore yes it will often be uneasy with mood swings etc as you are dealing with hormones + toddler brain (teenagers are all about themselves).
As another poster says, read up about teenage brains and don't take it personally. If it is bothering you now when she is 13 then sorry to say but you've got another good potential 3-6 years of it still to come. Obviously every teen is different but I always work from worst case scenario and then anything else is a bonus 😆.

Then make sure you give her plenty of warning, ie we're leaving the house at 12 so make sure you're ready. If she complains after that she hasn't had time to do her makeup then point out in future she needs to start getting ready earlier. I know with one of mine she needs at least an hour for clothes, hair and make up.

Pick your battles. Makeup isn't the hill to die on.

Ignore the facetiming for food and beverage delivery to her room. Food and drinks are for downstairs only, in the kitchen / dining room, with small snacks / drinks allowed in the sitting room.

Don't get sacked into World War 3 at home.
Encourage her interest in makeup. Compliment her on her skill and taste.

Teach her to do her own laundry - basket for clothes in her room gets taken to the washer, show her the controls, the detergent, remind her about colours bleeding, show her where to hang her clothes to dry. Then go through the sorting and folding/ ironing and putting away.

Do not do laundry for teenagers. When she runs out of clothes, she will find herself morltivated to learn to do it herself. If her dad won't back you up here, then he gets to pick up her clothes whwrever they have fallen, and wash/ dry/ fold/ iron/ put away her clothes every week.

Call her back immediately if she leaves water in the bath. Her dad needs to insist she drains it and wipes it down.

You and her dad need to involve her in cooking and clearing up for meals. You all need to spend time together keeping the home going.

It will teach her good habits and foster her sense of self esteem when she becomes competent in self care (laundry) and feels she can contribute to family life (through helping with meals).

This will involve effort on the part of her dad and you. There will be pushback from her. Don't waver.

The phone obsession is normal. Try to connect with her by sending her funny reels or whatever. Obv her dad needs to be doing this too. If there had been phones when I was a teen, I wouldn't have looked up from mine or noticed if it was night or day.

There is a lack of focus in young teens - hence the stuff left where it falls. Make sure there are waste paper baskets wherever she tends to sit. Your OH needs to remind her to throw away used tissues, wrappers, etc. and to leave the bathroom and kitchen as you and he wish to find it.

Her own room - make her responsible for it completely. Get her her own laundry basket and waste paper basket.

Mood swings are part and parcel of life for young teen girls. Hormones and the neurological processes they're going through can make life very unpleasant for all concerned. Bite your tongue if you can, and don't let irritation grow into deep-seated resentment. If there's hostile rudeness, then your OH needs to sit her down and make sure she realizes where the lines are and that she's not to cross them.

You can expect day to day pouting and eye rolling. That is all normal. Raging, lashing out, open defiance, insolence, and door slamming are not.

Try to connect with her above all. Don't be a doormat though.