DS no friends.

[MintGreenPolo]

Not sure where to post this but DS 11 started year 7 in September but still hasn’t made any friends (he is under assessment for autism) is this normal? Not one friend? He sits alone at lunch and older kids often come onto his table (not to befriend him) I’m just worried about him becoming a target and hate the thought of him sat alone. His school has a bit of a bad reputation for bullying so I was hoping he would make some friends so he isn’t a target

Bump

There is a period of settling in. Has he not gone to a school that many from his primary school choose so no friends carried over? Can you persuade him to try a lunchtime club?

Thanks no he doesn’t have any friends from his primary school there. He only had 2 friends there and they went to different schools. I don’t think there is any lunch clubs at his school

Sorry to hear this.
I work in a school and we have some children who want to be on their own. Some are happy sitting and reading, or using paper/pens etc at lunchtime to amuse themselves. Some of these pupils are autistic.
Firstly I would have a conversation with your son and ask him if he wants to make friends at school. If he does, your first port of call would be speaking to a member of staff at school.
what are your son’s interests? What does school offer for children whom struggle socially?
Does your son have friends outside of school?

Does he want friends or is he happy on his own?
Has he found making friends easy in the past?

Has he joined any club/sports/cubs/gmaing clubs or whatever he likes etc?
Often that is a good way to widen the net.

Year 7 is tricky as often they cling to the old friends initially but that does change over time.

Hopefully you will get some good advise on here!

People with friends rarely experience them falling into their laps without some effort on someone's part - can you encourage your son to look for another boy or girl sitting alone and ask them if he can sit near? Or if he looks for a small group of boys who seem similar to him in interests/clothes?

I’ve tried he is not interested 😕 he is happy with no friends I think it’s more me that is worried. He doesn’t have friends outside of school we don’t live in an area where kids play out and he won’t go to clubs as he doesn’t enjoy them (I’ve sent him to ones in the past but he won’t go anymore) he interacts with siblings and cousins only. His interests are gaming he isn’t into sports and he has asked me not to speak to the school.

Some people are absolutely ok being self sufficient, not everyone feels the need for friends. Maybe your son feels like he has to change himself to fit in, or people will only accept him a certain way. It actually take a quite a lot of courage to not want to fit in at that age.
I would respect his choices and not make a big deal of it. Further on down the line he may meet people he clicks with, but if he's happy in his own little bubble that's ok.

I could've written this post about a year ago. We'd also moved house and my son's closest friend from Primary who lived on our old street found new friends. He'd loved playing out, going to the shop etc and it all just stopped (he stayed at the same school, but had to get the bus. We'd been walking distance before). I was so upset (not in front of him!) at the thought of him having no one at school, but he seemed mostly fine. He knows his own mind, has own sense of style and doesn't really care what others think, but I could see he'd lost confidence. He went into Y9 in September and has found a little group of friends - he went to a birthday party for the first time since Y5 last week and we've heard him upstairs talking to the boys online gaming now. I'd say if he's ok then try not to push it too much - it's so hard though, I really feel for you.