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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DS and girlfriend - more time together.

18 replies

Smurfmurf · 15/11/2023 06:27

DS is 15 and has a girlfriend who is 14. They met through a hobby 18 months ago and started seeing each other 6 months ago. They’re from different areas and different schools. It’s about a 40 minute round trip drive between both houses. A bus would take 2.5/3 hours so either we drive him to hers or she’s driven here. More often he is at hers. They see each other at the weekend.

They want to see each other more. It’s difficult during the week as all parents work, homework, after school activities etc. Her parents have said DS can go and stay overnight at the weekend. I’ve said no due to their ages. DS said you’d let me if I was staying at a mates. He also said her mum and dad have been very clear, she’s in her room upstairs, he’s on the sofa downstairs. I still don’t like it.

Am I in the wrong here? I didn’t have a boyfriend at that age at all. I had a big hobby plus my mother would never have permitted me seeing someone let alone stay overnight. She was abusive towards me.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 15/11/2023 06:30

No you’re not, no staying over until his GCSE’s are finished.

Original poster
Smurfmurf · 15/11/2023 06:32

DustyLee123 · 15/11/2023 06:30

No you’re not, no staying over until his GCSE’s are finished.

Edited

Thank you. Yes, I meant to add in he’s got his exams next year as well and we’ve said that needs to come first.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 15/11/2023 06:34

20 minutes there and back isn’t a massive drive. It’s something I’d commit to doing to prevent him staying.

Ohdearwhatnow4 · 15/11/2023 06:54

I'd also hammer in safe sex even if their not considering it. I'd buy him condoms and say that their not for sex but to practice putting them on.
Would you let him stay at mates? Is he still seeing his friends?
I have 4 children, 2 of each, my youngest is 14DS so I've been in your situation, I was happy none of mine were having sex at that age, especially if she's a school year younger, but it's a concern, and I wouldn't off allowed sleep overs. Problem is once you say yes it's hard to back track.

43ontherocksporfavor · 15/11/2023 06:57

I’d discourage it. Once you allow it, it will be every weekend. However, you know they can have sex in the daytime, her parents may go out when they are at the house etc.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 15/11/2023 06:59

14 and 15? Yes, I agree that's too young for overnight stays really. If they want to have sex, they'll do it anyway, so definitely make sure you've talked to him about that, but i think overnight ramp up the intensity too quickly. They both need time with their other friends too...

Original poster
Smurfmurf · 15/11/2023 07:10

Thank you all for reassuring me that my gut reaction was right.

If it was his mates, depending on who, I’d likely say yes but that said we are from a rural commuting town so we know all the parents and they know us.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 15/11/2023 07:32

I would let him. Her parents spund like they are on the ball Mine were similar ages, took precautions and both got good gcses.

Mrsjayy · 15/11/2023 07:36

DustyLee123 · 15/11/2023 06:30

No you’re not, no staying over until his GCSE’s are finished.

Edited

I agree they are 14 and 15 they don't need to be staying overnight. parents facilitating a young relationship like this are ridiculous. weekends are fine.

savoycabbage · 15/11/2023 07:48

How much of the weekend are they spending together? My teenagers don't get up until the afternoon at the weekend so there would be four hours they could spend together instead of being asleep.

I try to make my teenagers understand that my time is valuable and if they want a lift it's not an automatic right.

For example, today I'm taking dd (17) to college at ten thirty so she can have a lie in and not get the college but at eight. College is twenty minutes away. So she has to do some of the stuff I would have to do in that forty minutes I'm driving her. It's more a token.

savoycabbage · 15/11/2023 07:50

But no, I would not be letting them spend the night at each other's houses. I agree with @Mrsjayy that facilitating a relationship with young teens is not something I'd do.

HamsterBanana · 15/11/2023 07:56

YANBU. I wouldn't allow it at that age, you can just tell one of them will sneak in with the other should be focusing on their GCSES anyway.

ChristieEve · 15/11/2023 08:07

I would allow it if specific plans dictated - eg. if they were going out somewhere and likely to be late back, but not a blanket yes - as you will lose him all weekend, every weekend, and he won't do any schoolwork.

They definitely need a safe sex talk. If they are going to do it, they will do it anyway; in fact they are probably more likely to do it when her parents are safely out the house in the daytime than creeping around at night. They're young and I know it's not ideal but you can't stop them unless you chaperone them every minute.

rainbowstardrops · 15/11/2023 08:59

I wouldn't be happy about the staying over and to be honest, I don't think it's necessary.
It's only a 20 minute drive each way and seeing each other at the weekend is more than enough at that age.

incognito50me · 15/11/2023 11:26

I can see both sides here, so no advice from me on overnight stays.

However, if you haven't already, do have the safe sex talk. They've been together for a year; I would be surprised if they are not well on their way toward intercourse.

Christmas202 · 16/11/2023 17:20

Unpopular opinion. I’m really sorry but in my honest opinion I think you are being completely unreasonable and your son has a point. The point is they are together now. Your son and his girlfriend have every right to stay at each other’s place. And if you’re worried about sex then talk to him about being safe. I never understood the no sleep over rule. My m.I.l made us sleep separately even whilst pregnant 🙄.

idontlikealdi · 16/11/2023 17:23

14 is too young imo. I mean I know what I was doing at 14 and I certainly wouldn't be facilitating it...

LBFseBrom · 16/11/2023 17:25

DustyLee123 · 15/11/2023 06:34

20 minutes there and back isn’t a massive drive. It’s something I’d commit to doing to prevent him staying.

I agree.

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