Hi everyone,
so I’ve already gone and done the thing! But would love to get your view. Sorry for the essay but I think this something that in the tech age we now live, many of us will face, so hopefully it will help you too.
My DD started a post 16 college in Sept and decided to split with her boyfriend from
school to focus on making the most of the college experience (she stays away in the week). She’s settled really well at college but she started to chat to two boys not at her college online (via friends). Not atypical for her age but first one, he’s great and lovely blah blah blah but then a second one comes along and he is the one!
She was speaking to him for a few of weeks and we were hoping it would pass but she was home this weekend and they have decided they really like each other and want to meet. They are 300 miles apart!!!
We know nothing about him, his family, have no links to that area of the country, she’d have to travel alone to a place she’s never been or meet half way again with no local connections or support. And the conversations felt like they were getting really serious quickly.
I am very lucky that she’s very open with me and tells me all of this. I miss her so much in the week and it’s been a bit change for us. But we know she is growing up and becoming a young lady. We were also very understanding and warm with her boyfriend at school and placed a lot of trust that they would be responsible. So we’ve been pretty permissive. But when she was talking about this, as much as I’d tried to be understanding, I’d already felt very uneasy about this boy and what was happening. When she said she wanted to meet him, I felt sick. I listened and frankly wasn’t brave enough to face it as I just wanted to spend some lovely time with her before she went back.
then that night after I dropped her off I realised I totally let her down by not facing this sooner and telling her how I felt about it and advise her to step away.
I didn’t sleep at all that night and decided I had to go and see her and put a stop to it before they actually tried to meet. I went up to see her yesterday and was completely open with her, me and her dad were terrified, we don’t support her travelling to see this boy, we need her to think really carefully about these kind of things. We have also done a lot to help her get to this college and although we don’t have any expectations for her results, what we do expect her to do is be present, give it her best and make the most of it, which is what she wanted.
understandably she was upset with me, she said she will stop it but she had fallen in love with him and I should have said sooner. She then said she didn’t want to talk about it anymore, got out the car, slammed the door and left. We’ve never fallen out so it was very sad, but totally to be expected. I messed up because I left it too long but felt I had to address it before they met and it got worse.
I know she is growing up and we will have to watch her make mistakes as it’s part of growing up but this felt like a step too far. There was an expectation we’d be fine with it, pay for her to go, be fine with her travelling to a completely unknown place and start a relationship with a boy very rooted to his home town, all at 16 and whilst she has so many opportunities starting in her life.
your thoughts fabulous Mumsnetters…