15yr old tantrum

[Northernlass1234]

So last night, my 15 year old DD had a major meltdown that started because i accidentally threw away some £10 earrings that she had left downstairs in a bag!

Cue total meltdown that lasted several hours. She would not get out if my room until i switched the Wi-Fi back on which i was refusing to do!

Eventually she went to bed around 1130 after i had literally pushed her out my bedroom door!

Obviously now she is saying hit her etc - but I’m still so cross with her i didn’t even look at her this morning!

So in my position- very late at night -tempers high and lots of shouting🤦‍♀️. How do you get a teenager out of your bedroom when they refuse to leave!

So to deescalate the situation- i left the house and went for a drive. Hoping that when i got back she’d have put herself to bed! Unfortunately this did not happen,

In general she’s a good kid. She spent the weekend studying and went for a takeaway with a friend on Sat night! She does not cause any issues at school and is well behaved.

But .,, when tired and frustrated she can lose her temper and become totally unreasonable! I am very cross with her because whilst i admit i didn’t handle it well we’ve had these incidents before where she doesn’t handle her emotions well and we’ve talked through giving each other space etc but obviously this did not happen last night!

interesting that your 15 yr doesn’t behave like this,

What was she tantrumming about? Did you offer to resolve the earrings issue and she continued to rage or did you dismiss her feelings about it?
Struggling to see how anyone teenage or toddler can maintain a tantrum for that long. Was it a tantrum or an argument?

Are you kidding? So things were chaotic and so you got in your car and bailed on her? And you were expecting her to be in bed when you got back?

Was she alone in the house? Had you turned off the wifi before you left?

But you didn’t either if you were cross and stormed off

how did it get to that point thiugh

Good advice.

I'm still wondering how you reacted to throwing her ear rings away, @Northernlass1234

I have nothing useful to add Op I just wanted to say I know what you are asking and I am bewildered as to why you are getting such a hard time here. I have had this situation, and it can go on for hours, my DD will not leave the room until she gets what she wants and will damage stuff and refuse to go if she feels she has been slighted. I know this is more extreme than your situation but we were told by CAMHs (if she was safe, and your daughter is 15, so sure she can stay alone) - we were told to go out for 15 mins or so and to hope when you returned the situation had calmed. So people outraged that you left the house whilst your child was upset are out of step with advice you can be given. Ours has an ADHD diagnosis and struggles massively with emotional regulation. I always found this a difficult situation as you don’t want to say to your child yes behave in an appalling way and you get what you want but also weight up the situation. Your daughter is on the whole well behaved maybe explain that you will put the wifi back on but tell her that refusing to leave your room until she gets her own way is certainly not a mature way to behave

And why they were thrown

the thing is the more you have an emotional response the more it feeds hers

Why not just put the earrings in her bedroom if you knew that’s what they were?

As for getting my teenage DC out of my bedroom…I’ve never needed to do that so I can’t help really. I do, however have 3 teen DC at home atm and 3 adult DC that are at uni/left home. I’ve found over the years that keeping calm is your best bet. Sit down and speak calmly and don’t get defensive.
Often meltdowns/tantrums are completely unrelated to the issue that’s just happened and you’re the ‘safe space’ to let out upset from earlier in the day/week/month.

My DD15 is a bit stressed atm with mocks etc and when she gets a bit wound up I put the kettle on, hug her and let her talk. I know this doesn’t work in every situation but I think adding a punishment when they’re already mid meltdown rarely works.

Hope you get it sorted OP

So things are calmer. She called me at school and asked if we can forget last night. I will talk to her properly tomorrow. She is aware that she was unreasonable but upset that i raised my hands.

re earrings- it was a mistake - i didn’t think anything was in the package. Her reaction was totally unreasonable.

You still aren't taking any responsibility for what happened, you threw the earrings away, have you apologised? Have you offerer to replace them? Why did you turn the WiFi off? Is it because she was having a tantrum over a situation that you caused and haven't dealt with?

I don't agree that the op is nearly so bad as many posters are making out to be!

Child leaves stuff lying around for weeks, despite knowing it shouldn't be, and it accidentally gets swept into rubbish. Good lesson in responsibility for child.

It all got out of hand but this isn't the case of terrible parenting so many seem to think it is.

God you sound like my mother when I was a teenager. Borderline emotionally abusive.

It sounds to me like you deliberately threw her unopened earrings away - I'm guessing as a punishment' for not putting them away or similar?

Then when she reacted badly you completely overreacted, made the situation many times worse and then pissed off to punish her further.

And now you are expecting her to apologise!!!

You need to grow up. Be the adult and take responsibility for your own actions and your own emotional responses. And stop blaming you child.

My teens aren't allowed in our bedroom, the only space that is ours now

As littlies they were but not now

15 yo ! Does she have mocks coming up? Sounds like exam stress, finding an outlet, to me.

I'd calm everything down, restore wifi and wait for her to come to you.

I think you should look at parenting courses.

15 year olds are full of hormones and their brains aren’t yet fully developed so they do sometimes act strangely about things that adults wouldn’t consider anything other than an inconvenience.
I remember having a couple of meltdowns over stupid stuff that when I look back seems so ridiculous, but I honestly couldn’t help myself.

Give her a cuddle, take her out to buy some new earrings and forget about it. Life is too short.

@Northernlass1234 Still nothing about what you said to her about throwing her earrings away. Did you apologise? Replace?Acknowledge your mistake?

Are there parenting courses for parenting teens?
Honestly, I often feel like I could do with one.