Very worried DD14 and pics

[worriedmummy371]

Hello everyone. I m new to this forum and I really need an advise.

So my DD who just turned 14 with suspected aspargers has not been herself lately. She is acting very angry,disrespectful toward me and her dad. I though this is mainly because we put restrictions on her phone usage which she think is not far. Also she has been txt boys (friends of friends ) which I was not happy about and warned her of the dangers. I always try to educate her about online safety and dangers of sharing information but because she possibly has ASD she has no clues sometimes about what is normal what not. Anyway because her anger is really bad lately I suspected that something is not right and I decided to check her devices which she doesn't know about. I have discovered that someone has messaged her saying you have small ti*ts . I have pictures of you .She then said : I will report you as you are a perv. Delet all pictures you have of me .The person then said : any wrong moves I will send them to everyone . Now I dont know what pictures they are as all snaps are now deleted and I only seen a screenshot of this chat. I have looked through devices and cant see any inappropriate pic of her just the typical teen posing pictures. So I don't know what pics they are talking about. I don't know what to do. I can't tell her I have been looking through her phone as she will deny everything and will cause massive meltdown . I dont know how to make her open up and approach her. What do I do in this situation. I am so so worried. I think one of the boys who she is chatting to probably shared pictures of her to the person. I am so upset and helpless. Please advise. Sorry for the grammar errors. English is my 2nd language .

Sending you lots of sympathy, OP. In our house the mobile phone is not supposed to be a private thing away from parental view: we reserve the right to go through their phones and check they are not doing anything dangerous or inappropriate. Is there any way that you can find an excuse to check her phone in front of her? “I’m worried that there’s something going on. As your parent, I am responsible for what you do online, so please can I check your device?”. I’m not saying my kids would accept this meekly or without tantrums, but they would concede that it was right.

Does she know the person? I would go to the police and also make the school safeguarding team aware. Sharing sensitive images of minors especially with threats to her is illegal, even if she was the one that took the photos.

You’re going to have to prioritise your DD’s safety over potentially making her angry via finding out you’ve been looking through her messages. When she’s older she will thank you for protecting her and not allowing her images to be circulated through the whole school

You need to take her phone and tell her you are checking it to protect her. It might be better to tell her you already have.

You need to speak to the school safeguarding lead to get some advice.

You will have to cope with the meltdown as there isn't a way of dealing with this secretly.

Thank you everyone for replies.
I feel so sick in my stomach even thinking that the pictures may have been 'sensitive ' ones. It's hard for me to believe /process that she could have shared pictures like this. She is a bright girl although she experienced bullying at school lately and this had an effect on her self esteem.
I thought of taking to her and saying I have suspicions that she may have shared pictures and see what she says.

I don't want to go to police or school yet as maybe the pictures are just a 'normal 'Pics of her. I don't know. I don't even know who the boy is but I believe he may be from different school .

Should I message the boy and ask him to delete all the pictures he has of her ?

Should I advise her to talk to school if anything is worrying her ,maybe she would tell them.

I am just so confused and scared. Part of me thinks I wish I never looked through her phone but the other part says, good that I found out so that I can help her.

I haven't even told my husband yet as he may naturally want to take all the devices of her which may not help in this situation as she needs support and education more than punishment. Plus I feel she may be very embarrassed if her dad finds out.

I can't believe what world we live in . Never in a milion years I though I would have to deal with something like this.

OP, you need to get a grip, take ownership of the situation and protect your daughter. Inform the school tomorrow morning. Don’t leave it up to your poor DD who is probably feeling incredibly scared and worried, even if she hasn’t told you so. Someone is threatening to expose her images for god’s sake! Even if things don’t turn out to be so alarming there needs to be repercussions for the boys involved.